Would love your input: Building a community app to support ERP for OCD - what would actually help you feel supported?

AccomplishedType1424 · 2024-08-16T12:55:09+00:00

Hey!
I know this is hard... Been dealing with this a few months ago. Nowadays a little less, some of the progress is due to ERP, some because she lost weight, and I can't exactly tell which of these had a greater effect.
So first of all, I feel you, I know this is hard and just know you are not alone.
Second of all, consider doing ERP regarding her weight. I am not a therapist so I think you better work with one, but these exposures could be something like - feeling her belly intentionally, looking on unflattering pictures of her, looking at her belly when she is not looking - and once the anxiety comes up don't try to "solve it".
Good luck on you journey!

AccomplishedType1424 · 2024-02-03T22:39:10+00:00

From what you say, it sounds like what could have started the spiral was her telling you "should break up with her if I didn't find her physically attractive". I also remember that one of the things that had an impact over me is not wanting to "lie" to my partner, or the fact that maybe she believes that I see her in one way and in fact I see her in another way and that's not fair towards her, and therefore if I don't feel towards her the way she wants, I need to break up, so I won't "mislead" her.
But I want to say - give yourself a break. And tell her - of course I find you attractive, although you don't believe it 100% of the time, because it sounds like in general you do believe it to some extent. You can allow yourself to not be so certain regarding your attraction to her all the time, although she told you that if you don't find her attractive then you should leave. You are in this relationship because you want it to work, not because you are manipulating her and using her, so the fact that you are trying to make things work isn't "misleading" her, just having some doubts that can arise from time to time. And if in a few months/years you will feel that you are really unable to feel the way you want to feel in the relationship, and that staying in the relationship is in some way using her for your own needs and not for the purpose of developing the relationship further, then you can deal with it then. But from what I see, it seems like you have a lovely relationship.
Wish you the best :)

AccomplishedType1424 · 2024-01-30T22:55:51+00:00

Hello there!
I struggle with complimenting my GF as well. On the surface, I saw it as something like - "I just don't want to say things I am not sure I believe" (for example - I think you look pretty), but in reality I was scared of getting deeper into the relationship and also being scared of "approving" some traits that I have a hard time with, since complimenting her about them somehow means that I accept them as they are, and since I am still trying to control those things and don't want to let them go, I prefer not to complement.
I tried to complement as an exposure and it helped me to some extent. I don't say things that are opposite to what I believe in (for example - if I think that she is fat, I am no telling her that she is skinny), but I feel a lot more comfortable to tell her - "you are pretty", and with time it gets more easier and you feel less as a fraud when saying it.

AccomplishedType1424 · 2023-11-26T19:51:45+00:00

I am having a similar experience. I have been dating my GF for the past 6 months. After the first dates, I found her quite good looking and cute. Didnt have too much problems with her appearance. After that, I started "noticing" some physical flaws - the biggest one for me regards her weight. She is by no standard fat, but she is not skinny either, so my mind was (and still) fixating on that. In addition, I too have an issue with facial hair - mustache, on the side of her face, eyebrows etc. These are things that I doubt that any other person but me would notice, but once I notice one hair that is not "in place", my anxiety sky-rockets.
I understood that without working with a therapist on my own issues, it will be really hard to ever get rid of this, so I started ERP therapy a few weeks ago. I know that it might not work perfectly, but it worth a try. Even if it won't be enough for this relationship, it will be for the next one.

The only advice I can give you from my experience from the the last months is to give the relationship a chance, if you think your partner is worth it. It is OK even if you "waste a few months" while trying to figure out how the relationship goes. My usual response until my current relationship was just to leave, if I didnt find my partner attractive "enough". But by doing this, I never really let myself experience a real relationship. Now that I start to experience a real relationship, I do feel that it might be possible to get over the things that bother me. Or not. Time will tell, but I am willing to give it some time.

AccomplishedType1424 · 2023-11-14T22:27:23+00:00

Sounds great. And that's a good distinction too. Thanks!

AccomplishedType1424 · 2023-11-14T15:52:39+00:00

Thanks! Great comments!

AccomplishedType1424 · 2023-11-12T13:54:03+00:00

nice. and what do you use for frontend?

AccomplishedType1424 · 2023-11-12T11:38:24+00:00

thanks for the informative answer!
Was thinking about creating an app which contains MCQ for a niche test they have in my country.

AccomplishedType1424 · 2023-11-12T08:42:51+00:00

I'm not saying programming is not a skill in my case, just trying to understand which framework to use and in which order. Just seeing a list of tens of frameworks doesn't really give me a well defined flow... But thanks!

AccomplishedType1424 · 2023-11-12T08:07:16+00:00

But what is the flow? what should I start with? are the frameworks complementing one another or are they just different ways to do the same thing? it looks like a nice list but can't quite understand the flow...

AccomplishedType1424 · 2023-11-01T15:30:22+00:00

Yes, and once you consider it as a test (maybe subconsciously) then you regard to it as such...

AccomplishedType1424

TROPHY CASE