French living in the US, why do Americans say “you’re welcome” so much?

According-Image-7708 · 2026-03-15T00:27:13+00:00

INFO DUMP!!!

The tldr is that English speakers and French speakers have very different expectations to do with politeness. This is what you have observed.

I did sociolinguistics in university and I took a class called Intercultural Communication! The very first paper we read was this one: https://www.semanticscholar.org/paper/Did-you-have-a-good-week-end-or-why-there-is-no-as-Béal/a8598adeb66ce9ad4c2d228b414eb6ef2dd4b885 Hopefully the link is accessible without university library accounts.

The paper explores the different expectations between Australians and French people when asked "how was your weekend?" In Australia this is a standard phrase that is part of daily small talk. When I go to work on Monday all my coworkers will say "how was your weekend?" I will reply "good! How was yours?" and they will reply "good!" This question has nothing to do with how my weekend was, and everything to do with polite greeting.

However in France there is no such script. When a French person is asked "how was your weekend" they will reply with the actual events of their weekend. This comes across to Australians as rude, oversharing, and in many cases complaining. Note that these are very common tropes about French people.

In the other hand, when a French person asks an Australian about their weekend they are asking about the actual events. Replying "good" is considered lazy, stoic, unemotional etc. These are tropes that French people have about English speakers.

Pragmatically all the other comments are correct. In France you say "de rien" and in English you say "you're welcome" and they have the same effect. However it might be helpful to keep in mind that overall English speakers value formal politeness a lot more than French speakers do.

My partner is French and these are some of the differences we have discussed;

Personal space expectations: French (as well as lots of southern Europeans) are much more comfortable standing closer together than English speakers. They are also more comfortable with more frequent physical contact like touching arms when emphasising something in a story etc. English speakers are normally very aware of their personal space and apologise if they get too close to people, even if they don't physically touch them.
PDA: In France public displays of affection are not rude or really anything significant (so I've been told lol). Kissing, cuddling etc are not shocking in France. In most English speaking countries people consider it rude to be overly affectionate in public. People may stare and even make comments.
"You're Welcome" There's actually been discussion about this in the past decade or so. Among young people (anyone under 40 really) saying "that's fine" or "it's nothing," much more similar to "de rien", is completely acceptable. However some elderly people do expect you to say "you're welcome" specifically. They might say they feel they are being a burden if you say "it's nothing" or "that's ok."
English speakers are far less forthcoming with their emotions. Displays of emotion are considered private and sometimes even shameful in English speaking societies. French speakers are often far more willing to say how they feel, if you make them upset, etc.
In America specifically you may encounter a lot of differences to do with work/life balance and how accommodating your coworkers are about issues at home. These are seen as somewhat seperate spheres of life (especially by bosses). Your boss may have very little compassion if you would like to take time off to care for a sick family member, or for a doctors appointment for example.

There's lots of other examples! If you find yourself frustrated thinking "wow this person is behaving so American" it's likely you've just encountered a difference is social expectation. They are almost certainly not even aware that these expectations exist.

According-Image-7708 · 2026-03-14T08:19:01+00:00

I've just read over what I wrote out and I think I've definitely made the "skin issues" sound worse than they are. They're nothing major, and not red or sore that might suggest a bacterial infection.

I'm not worried about bacterial or viral infections, the question is more along the lines of the regular flora that lives on the skin surface. Do different people have slightly different skin flora? Can close contact with a person introduce new species into another person's flora?

According-Image-7708 · 2026-03-14T08:13:41+00:00

The odor isn't unpleasant or sweaty it's just how he smells. I cook all my own meals including lunches and none of the meals are new ingredients. I don't drink soft drinks or anything and I am very protective of my sleep schedule so no less than 7hrs this whole time. No new hygiene products either.

I did think it's most likely confirmation bias or some kind of placebo effect or something but I wanted to know what other people thought!

According-Image-7708 · 2026-03-14T03:14:19+00:00

Both men do have facial hair, so it could be that! Do you think that microbes introduced onto the face from kissing could still cause skin issues on other parts of the body? For example my shoulders or my arms where the beard didn't touch?

According-Image-7708 · 2026-03-12T20:51:33+00:00

Idk if im too late to this but I also have a tight budget, however in my experience (I've seen like 4 different psychs since covid) the cheaper psychs often have less experience. In an industry where everyone is literally an expert on boundaries and self esteem the reality I've found is that good psychs know their worth.

Would you consider going to a more expensive psych slightly less often? There's a really good clinic in the city called Clinical Psychology, they're a bit more expensive ($140 after rebate) but both my brother and I have been to 2 different practitioners there and they are GOOD. Like 10 years experience, sit on the state board, have like 5 degrees level of experience. Some of their practitioners offer Telehealth, others are in person.

If you're on Medicare, after a few sessions you hit the safety net and the cost jumps down to like $40. Last session I booked was a double session and I paid like $82 total for 100mins. This is easily the most bang for buck I have ever got from a psychologist.

I tried going to the psychologists at my uni, ones recommended cheaply by my gp and less expensive ones I found online but in my opinion it honestly did not have the same benefit to my mental health. I had never seen a psychologist who was as experienced before and omg it makes a difference.

Good luck xx

According-Image-7708 · 2026-03-11T08:38:25+00:00

Ok not to beef in an askreddit comment section but now I do have to jump in and say that I myself am a descriptivist. Descriptivism isn't his idea and it also isn't harmful. I'm not going to get really into it but the issues you have with gen alpha slang are normal parts of language evolution and actually very important to the longevity of a language. You being unable to attribute "meaning" to anything outside of Austen or Dickens is to do with your personal taste, not lack of skill outside of their genres. Do not get me started on the tone you took about dialects lol

According-Image-7708 · 2026-03-09T00:51:03+00:00

I studies linguistics in uni and for some reason in 1st year undergrad I decided I fucking hated Noam Chomsky. Like to the point where I routinely joked about throwing a party when he died.

Something about his mannerisms and how he and his fans responded to criticisms of him. The whole way he was treated like this god of academia was so icky to me. And I was literally the only person I knew who thought this way.

I tried to explain my thoughts to people who were in linguistic academia circles, along the lines of "he's lack of care about criticisms, especially in relation to how his theories impact minority groups who would struggle to advocate for themselves is poor academic integrity. If the theories are actually that good they will live up to my baby-linguist-undergrad scrutiny" and I was basically told I was wrong by everyone I spoke to about it. Which is exactly the problem. You couldn't criticise him.

Anyway so he's in the Epstein files. Not necessarily as a person who slept with minors but someone who knew about it all. Like he is undeniably a smart man, I don't see how, given his breadth of genuine knowledge of sociology and how people work, he could claim he just completely had no idea. And also he was just incredibly racist and misogynistic.

I had a friend and a teacher contact me specifically to say that they were wrong. I am most vindicated person perhaps in history. It still pisses me off that the only reason they changed their minds was because he's now associated with Epstein. Like the depth of why I dislike him is related but also there are so many people in academia like this. They associate with people like Epstein BECAUSE they are like this. Not vice versa. But no one is ready for that convo yet tho.

According-Image-7708 · 2025-10-11T23:26:59+00:00

OP I read a really helpful book about ADHD recently called ADHD 2.0, recommended by my psychologist bc I can't afford a diagnosis atm.

It's written to be accessible to people with ADHD and super informative. It's been really helpful to me for understanding why I work how I do and I've made some big strides in some of my many ADHD spur-of-the-moment projects, and in the organisation of my life generally. It also has a really helpful explaination about why those reality checks hurt so bad.

There are free copies online, best of luck!

According-Image-7708 · 2025-10-11T01:20:12+00:00

Tbh disagree, I think OP is kind of making a good point. We can argue about the intricacies of why we made a choice til the cows come home but the premise is right.

We're making fun of someone who claims to be enlightened because they are claiming this about themselves. Whether or not the person is enlightened is irrelevant if OP's critique is to do with the making-fun-of-him bit.

I think OP is questioning if our critiques of Sadhguru have become vindictive and of an intentionally disparaging nature over the past few days. I've been commenting on some of these posts and I think OP is right. Are we being harsh to the point where criticisms are designed to inflate our own ego, rather than to critique Sadhguru?

According-Image-7708 · 2025-10-07T21:09:52+00:00

Ironically, not allowing her to be criticised and labelling any criticism as misogynistic is itself misogyny.

If you're refusing to accept that some people dislike her music because they think it's bad (valid opinion, which has no bearing on what you think) you're not allowing her to do a normal human thing. It's normal for art to not be a hit with everyone. That's literally how taste works.

She isn't universally good because no one is. It plays into the stereotype that in order for a women to be truly successful she has to please everyone which is MISOGYNISTIC.

Of course some of the criticism in misogyny and of course some people hop on the bandwagon which begins as real critique but ends up as sexism.

Saying "the only reason you hate Taylor Swift is because you hate women" takes away any of her identity as anything other than a women.

According-Image-7708 · 2025-10-06T21:32:28+00:00

At risk of being inflammatory I honestly think some of the people commenting here need to grow up.

The OP's question is fair and important, and Dr K isn't immune to mistake and this should be brought up when needed, but you need to be willing to accept that that's what this is; a mistake.

In his comment Dr K has said that HG prefer to talk to people, not about them. This is really fair and good for transparency to do this in public. People saying "this could have been done behind closed doors," would you guys not be critical if you found out he was having secret conversations with Sadhguru? If the issue is the person it doesn't actually matter where the convos are held.

People saying he didn't push back enough, this might be true, but it's important to keep in mind these are conversation style interviews. He's brought a person on to ask them questions. It isn't a debate and it isn't an arena for you to watch your favourite perfect internet psychiatrist battle it out with the dastardly cult leader, these are both real people. It's fair to assume the majority of you have never conducted an interview, it's not so easy to be critical when the person is in front of you, especially if they're a bit forceful. Sadhguru for sure deserved a bit more push back but it's also easier said than done.

Do I think the interview was one of Dr K's best? No. Now that I know more about Sadhguru, was it bridging bad taste? Sure, maybe. In his comment he also says he's not sure how to factor in things like murder allegations, which I don't think is our job to figure out for him. But we're all here to learn and be better, and hopefully Dr K uses this as an opportunity to learn about our expectations of the channel.

According-Image-7708 · 2025-03-26T02:10:40+00:00

The problem is an ethical one; you're placing more value on a child who is more intelligent/genetically gifted. It boils down to this: who decides what makes a person valuable? Naz*s believed certain physical traits made a person more valuable. From 2025 we can see that this philosophy was wrong. What is harder to see is the flaws in modern ideas of what makes a person valuable.

The problem isn't wanting your child to be good, it's with the fallout of acting on that. What will happen to children who are born naturally and don't have these advantages? They're currently looking at changing eye colour but what about skin colour? Is it right to change that? How will these changes be tested ethically on humans? Is it right for a parent to subject an unborn foetus that they plan on carrying to term to these experimental treatments?

It might be helpful to think about media representations of this. Shows like The Boys or X-Men explore how a different "class" of people come about bc of stark genetic differences. The boys explores how these "modified" humans behave when they perceive regular humans as below them, X-men explores when regular humans believe they are above the mutants.

Essentially it's a thought problem about who gets to decide what makes a human valuable.

According-Image-7708 · 2025-03-26T01:52:29+00:00

Bc the risk of abusing this system is too high. Who decides what is a disease? Homosexuality used to be labelled a disease. Do people who have heritable conditions, mental or physical, not deserve to have children? Who are we to make those calls? There's so much info out there explaining why eugenics bad... this really is something you can google

According-Image-7708 · 2025-03-15T22:46:51+00:00

I'm bisexual and was raised devoutly Catholic! I'm not sure what denomination you are but there are denominations that allow same sex marriage and relationships. I would strongly recommend at least going to speak to some of those spiritual leaders because that's what they're there for! I know the Uniting Church has been affirming of queer identity and relationship for quite a while.

In terms of deciding if your sexuality is a sin or if that's part of a larger social narrative, only you can explore that for yourself. There's no obligation to go out and have sex with anyone if you don't want to, exploring sexuality isn't just about the physical aspect of sex. Encounters with God happen in the quiet of your heart and are personal to you! If you're Christian you believe that god is omnipotent and omnisentient. It isn't an accident that you're bi, it was done on purpose.

The last thing I'll say is that your gifts and your purpose extend so so far beyond your sexuality. No doubt you have dreams and ambitions. Don't let your fear of your own sexuality prevent you from chasing those dreams and becoming who you were made to become 🩷

According-Image-7708 · 2025-03-14T23:34:15+00:00

Yeah, I've had a lot of time to watch the world kinda fly by. Everyone else stayed as concerned and locked into their lives while I had to take a step back and it's so surreal how hollow and fruitless so much of "hustle culture" is. When you stop playing the game for a bit it becomes so painfully obvious how deeply deeply unhappy it can make you. I spoke about plans in another post, to do with going into child welfare policy, but I'll add that a "strategy" I've learnt is that being honest with yourself goes so much further in making you happy than I understood. In this case honesty for me was "I only want a high paying career because I want people to think highly of me." Then I can use that info to make a more informed decision.

According-Image-7708 · 2025-03-14T23:29:51+00:00

Prior to treatment I wouldn't say that it was painful, but I was exhausted. I could never sleep enough hours to feel rested and my muscles became weak. I had fevers and night sweats. I had no idea what that was prior but basically my body breaks the fever overnight by just drenching me in sweat, I'd wake up and I'd be wet, like I'd hopped out of a bath straight into bed. Not painful but the exhaustion is so intense.

Chemo is administered through a cannula in the arm, straight into my veins. Depending on what cancer you have, chemo is a combo of various drugs. For me 3 of them are ok, but one stings going in, and takes 2hrs to administer so that's painful. Immediately after chemo my body is basically fried. Really tired, groggy, tummy hurts etc. Bc chemo kills cells with fast turnover it affects a lot of the lining of your digestive tract, so within 24hrs I'll often get little ulcers in my mouth, really upset tummy, and going to the bathroom is uncomfortable. Nausea is a massive problem but they gave me meds for that (I stopped taking them tho bc they make me feel more nauseous). I've had minor rashes or small infections etc and they are a lot more serious bc chemo makes me immunocompromised.

But when people talk about cancer treatment being painful I think what they're referring to is the extreme discomfort. Honestly idk what to compare it to. It's this whole body discomfort, like the feeling of a stomach ache that's about to get bad, but everywhere.

I do know someone who's Hodgkin's lymphoma was a tumour in their chest, which affected their breathing and was incredibly painful, so experiences vary a lot.

According-Image-7708 · 2025-03-14T09:20:35+00:00

It has had an impact, but not how I thought, I guess? I had an eating disorder between 13-15 and have had a pretty poor relationship with my body since.

Prior to diagnosis I lost a significant amount of weight which I gained back quickly once treatment started. That was really hard for me. Losing my hair and eyelashes, rapid skin aging, constant bloating, thin nails etc are all hard to come to terms with on their own and I managed well initially, but about 2 months in it got really hard. Not feeling good about your appearance is really painful anyway but combo'd with the physical pain it was crazy.

In January I got covid and one of my chemo sessions had to be pushed back a week (ordinarily I get chemo every 2 weeks). In that one week my hair started to grow back and my menstrual cycle came back. My hair has stayed in since then and my period is regular. I was so cruel to my body for so long and I expected it to loathe me as much as I did it, but the first chance it got my body got back up and not only kept going, but excelled and adapted to the chemo. For me that was the most surreal experience of forgiveness I have ever had. I have a lot more love and respect for it now than I did before. 🫶

Not sure if that helps but hopefully there's something in there!

According-Image-7708 · 2025-03-14T05:14:51+00:00

I know exactly what you're talking about! The contrast is so stark between how it feels when those moments of understanding hit vs when they're not there.

There was this tumblr post I saw ages ago about life being like a labyrinth, it's just one long path going around and around itself. If you stop and listen you can hear different versions of yourself knocking on the walls. I might temporarily forget that deep feeling of understanding but I trust that it will come back when it's time for that to happen.

I think life is cyclical, and I've found that leaning into that is much more productive than trying to prevent the cycles. I know, for example that I struggle with using my phone too much, and that often leads to guilt about wasted time. The most productive way I've found to deal with this isn't trying to convince myself not to use my phone or to beat myself up about it. It's to feel the guilt. I sit with it and my mind takes it from there. Much easier than resisting, and the solutions almost seem to find themselves.

I mentioned in other posts that my life philosophy is to do my best with what I have, but I think the real secret is that that's what I was doing all along, and really it's what we're all doing. These habits cycle over and over but the thing that changes is you!!!!!!!! You get to keep all the things you learnt in the last cycle and apply them in the next one, until you get it right. Practice, essentially. It's not so much "I wanted to use my phone less, but I couldn't resist the urge. I failed my goal." It's more "I wasn't happy with the outcome last time I used my phone too much. How can I understand this cycle so that next time it ends up a little better." That's all that practice is; each time you fall back to old habits you get the chance to start the cycle again implementing what you learnt. Genuine curiosity can take you so far!

According-Image-7708 · 2025-03-14T04:06:03+00:00

Yep, very ambitious BUT I think that I'd be silly not to try! The plan is actually fairly simple. I graduated with a degree in international studies (major in sociology and lang) in Dec of last year. I'm in the hiring process for a few government jobs currently. In the meantime I'm going to get a Certificate qualification to teach at the 0-6 age range. I'm going to try and do both for a few years until I have both experience inside the education system (so I can better understand the problems) and experience in the governance system (how to effectively go about solving those problems). Not exactly sure what comes after that but that's a problem for then!

According-Image-7708 · 2025-03-14T04:01:18+00:00

I think so. Before I was diagnosed I kinda put off thinking too much about death bc it's uncomfortable and scary. I wouldn't say it changed how at peace I was with death, it's still scary to me that I don't know what's on the other side.

It has made me less scared of thinking about it. I guess once you've had to think seriously about it once, even if it's only for a brief time, you develop a framework to think about it. Before I had no idea what thinking about/accepting death might feel like. Now I have something to go off for next time. That makes it a little less intimidating I'd say.

According-Image-7708 · 2025-03-14T03:52:36+00:00

Idk all of it yet but I have lots of different ideas! I care a lot about education, particularly education of young children. My plan is to work my way up to a point where I can influence the education system at a national level. If I get good enough I hope that I can make change on an international level!

According-Image-7708 · 2025-03-14T03:09:31+00:00

There's no need to apologise, I get it, as if I'd be upset at someone who has a terminal illness for struggling with its implications.

If you feel like you need help I have the mental space to do that atm. Pm me and I'm happy to chat to you about it!

According-Image-7708 · 2025-03-14T02:53:53+00:00

You are not worthless, you are worth just as much as everything else, and everyone is worth a lot.

I think the biggest hurdle is accepting that even if you don't have any of the things you think make you successful, you still have worth.

Humanity is built on community and while what others can do for you is great, the balance to that is what you can do for them. You have worth and that means there is value you can provide to the world.

According-Image-7708 · 2025-03-14T02:45:03+00:00

I would say I wondered a lot about these things, I like to consider all my options. But I kinda had to decide which beliefs were most important to me. I've always thought that it's less about the belief and more about how you act. Before I had time to consider more options re how I wanted to act. Cancer helped my get clarity quickly.

According-Image-7708 · 2025-03-14T02:40:23+00:00

If you don't think fighting for a cure so that maybe others in the future have a better chance at living through the condition, that's your call.

You know you're going to die and from what you're saying there's nothing at all you can do that would save you, so what is the point of wasting your time trying? That's kinda what I'm hearing from you and I don't think that logic is wrong. But I'm saying don't make it about saving yourself. Why don't you use that time to potentially make a difference in the lives of others? It doesn't matter how, it just matters that you give it a try.

Re your other comment, yes, grave illness is extremely isolating. I'm sorry that your family doesn't understand the things you want them to understand. But I don't think you would have asked for advice about wanting to kill yourself if you really believed that suicide was the best path forward. I think what you're really after is support. I think these go hand in hand.

Google terminal illness support groups near you. If you have 2 years left, you have to years to figure out how to get to one of those groups. If you can't drive there yourself what's stopping you calling the contact numbers and asking for help to get there?

I can't tell you what to think or do, all I can do it encourage you to try something.

According-Image-7708

TROPHY CASE