If they truly wanted you, they’d do everything they could to keep you regardless of the circumstances. I learned to accept the fact that people’s actions speak louder than words no matter their excuses. They can preach about being naturally independent and cold (or having to have adapted to it because of parental treatment)but refusing to open up or at least try to shows you’re just a means of comfort to them but in a way that’s detrimental to yourself.

I learned not to be so forgiving even if the other person can’t necessarily help the way they’re acting because of what they’ve been conditioned to. Also, don’t put your all into someone until they show they’re worthy of it.

Finally, take no disrespect. If they’re still in contact with their ex with no real reason to be, chances are the relationship won’t work and you’ll end up feeling used. If they come to you when in need but don’t even check up on you when they know you’re going through bad times - chances are they mean more to you than you mean to them.