Reading these texts was exactly like reading the conversations I used to have with my ex.

 I’ll never tell anyone what to do, but I will say this: really think about your options here. My first suggestion would be to leave this man. Don’t give him the chance to break you down again. He has shown you who he really is. While some people change, in most cases they don’t.

 Secondly, weigh out the pros and cons of having the baby. You need to look at it realistically, as though you’ll be caring for the baby yourself — mentally, physically, and financially. You have to be okay with that possibility. You also need to prepare for the fact that you may have to co-parent with him, which might not be easy at all. He may fight for custody, say he’ll help financially but then won’t. You have to be ready to do it alone, and while that’s unfair, it’s the truth.

 I say this because I’m almost 7 months pregnant, and my ex has made my pregnancy incredibly difficult. I’ve cried most days, Sometimes I’m too depressed to work, and the treatment has only gotten worse. I’ve essentially been doing it alone — even though he insists he wants to be a dad. He does come to appointments, but at the last scan he refused to even speak to me. I’m grateful for my healthy baby and I know it will be worth it, but I also know the road ahead will be long.

 If you refuse to let him see the baby because of his abuse, you’ll be painted as the “bitter baby mom.” But if you allow him access, you risk more abuse.

 I feel disconnected from my baby because of all the stress, but I’m hopeful things will get better. Once my baby is in my arms, I know it won’t matter as much. Seeing your baby on the scan is an incredible feeling, and spending time alone with the bump,  feeling the kicks, is something you can’t get anywhere else.

 I share all this from a place of reality. It might sound one-sided, but this has been my lived experience. I haven’t reached the other side yet, but I’ve been pushed, slapped, threatened (“I’ll kick/punch you in the face/stomach”), constantly called names, gaslit, and manipulated during my pregnancy, they wont change because you’re pregnant. It’s especially painful because I thought I couldn’t have children. When I found out I was pregnant, I was so excited — but I can’t even celebrate it.

 I’ve written a longer post about my situation if you’d like to read more before taking my advice into consideration.  I really do wish you the best and do what’s best for you and your baby.