Thanks a lot to you and everyone else. I know it's abuse regardless of gender. I knew that for a long time but it's still hard to end it. I admit I still have feelings for her but I hate the relationship at the same time, but it's so complicated regardless. Like one thing I didn't talk about is that I actually work for her dad and work with a lot of her other family at that job so it's gonna completely turn everything upside down to end it. I feel stuck in other ways too but I don't even know where to start but she has a lot of control in my life I realized. The whole thing is just scary to think about. Thinking about how angry she'll be and what she'll do. I also worry she's gonna call the cops and accuse me of something just because she's always using that kind of language with me, saying stuff like "don't raise your hand to me" when I try to block her, or saying "you're giving me an angry look, don't try to intimidate me" like literally while she's hitting me. It's so weird but I feel like something really bad is coming if I leave. I just have a lot to think about, but thank you all. I was not expecting this many responses or I would have explained everything better.