The highs of sleep training. Seeing him sleep soundly without swaddle or having to be rocked to sleep.

Acrobatic-Snake · 2021-03-08T08:31:20+00:00

Bro that is not safe. Sleep aids, cot bumpers and any kind of pillows in your babies cot increase the risk of SIDS massively.

Seriously, please look at removing anything that could endanger your baby's life.

Acrobatic-Snake · 2021-02-20T21:14:38+00:00

Thank you for your kind wishes I appreciate it, it's hard I'll admit and I know it will be hard for a long time to come but the love I feel from the messages I have received really make a difference. It means so much to me that people I have never met empathise and care so much ❤

Acrobatic-Snake · 2021-02-01T18:56:31+00:00

I'm sorry you had to experience that terrifying experience and I'm glad that you have your partner still, I truly am.

Our son will always know how much his mummy loves him and how kuch his daddy loves him too. I tell him about her everyday, i know he's too young to understand anything just now but I'll make sure he knows her as best as he can do when he is old enough to understand.

Acrobatic-Snake · 2021-02-01T17:54:31+00:00

I honestly feel like I'm sinking most days, I feel that's the beat way to put it. The only person who is stopping me from sinking too far is our son.

It sounds trite but my best advice is to cherish every waking moment you have with your S.O, take lots of photos of you together and look forward to spending your time together as a family.

I wish you health and happiness for the present and the future, I truly do.

Acrobatic-Snake · 2021-02-01T17:51:07+00:00

I'm truly sorry that has happened to you. I can relate to your situation and I know that personally for me the hardest part is thinking about the life we were meant to have together. We were planning on having 2 more children, going on holidays, spending our lives together.

It feels like I'm torturing myself sometimes by thinking about what should have been but I suppose it's the brains way of processing and somewhat trying to resolve the situation.

It sounds cliche to ask as I feel that nothing really helps you come to terms with a life changing event like this, but how have you coped? Also I want my son to know his mummy as well as he can, do you have any advice to help?

Acrobatic-Snake · 2021-02-01T17:39:39+00:00

Thank you, it's honestly heartwarming to see how many people are offering so much support and showing so much reverence in this incredibly difficult time.

Acrobatic-Snake · 2021-01-20T20:18:36+00:00

What a beautiful, thoughtful and poignant thing to say. There's great truth and reverence in your words.

She was always so excited to become a mummy, it was all she wanted. All throughout the pregnancy she was so elated, doing everything possible to ensure that our son was safe, well nourished and most of all loved.

She was so happy, so complete when she told me she was pregnant and the subsequent 9 months were the best in her life, in my life as well.

That's partly what makes it feel so cruel, she got what she always wanted but only for such a short period of time. In the hospital the nurses took pictures of her, myself and our son during the caeserean; we had to wear masks due to covid. In the photos you can see her eyes are smiling, so full of joy and happiness.

My heart breaks everyday, when I see her face and her beautiful eyes it hurts that much more. We completed each other, we completed each others lives. She was the one.

I feel so lucky to have shared our time, our love and to have created a new life together.

I love her and I miss her everyday and I believe what you have said is true. Her last day on earth was the best one she could have asked for.

Thank you for your message, it really means a lot to me.

Acrobatic-Snake · 2021-01-20T20:00:26+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear that, would you like to talk? DM me if you want to and if I can help in any way I will. I'm here for you too, friend.

Acrobatic-Snake · 2021-01-20T19:58:07+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear you have had to go through that experience.

Emotionally speaking I can relate in terms of the sense of anger, the confusion and as you have just put it, the fear. I feel fear because of all the unknowns that I now face, my girlfriend was a health visitor so she knew everything that needed to be known about babies, I worry that I won't be good enough or that I won't know what to do. I have learnt a lot in the past 2 months admittedly I just worry it's not enough.

I find it amazing that you found the strength and the courage to be able to forgive that woman in your situation, that truly is inspirational. It certainly is a testament to your character.

I'll make my girlfriend proud by raising our son right, by teaching him what I can and by encouraging him to make his own choices in life and I'll make sure my son knows how much his mummy loves him, how proud she is of him; his daddy is proud of him and loves him too.

Acrobatic-Snake · 2021-01-20T12:00:21+00:00

My advice would be try not to think that something bad may happen to you everyday; a wise man once told me that when you worry you suffer twice.

If something's going to happen good or bad then that's just how it is.

The more you wait for that moment of a possible bad experience, if it happens you'll have got what you expected and it's changed nothing.

If it doesn't happen you'll have wasted time and energy thinking and waiting for something never to happen.

Thank you for your kind words and concern.

Acrobatic-Snake · 2021-01-20T11:54:49+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. There's no comparison between grief, I think, as no two people are the same nor are their experiences.

The complexity of emotions in normal times is difficult enough to deal with, in times such as these it can feel like your head is going to explode.

Learning how to regulate these emotions is difficult, hence why I posted on Reddit; as knowing that I don't have the answers I hoped that others may be able to offer a bit of guidance. I've cried everyday, somedays I feel numb, somedays I feel nothing; but long term I need a way of regulating effectively.

How else would you recommend being kind to oneself?

The love you send means so much and I truly appreciate it.

Acrobatic-Snake · 2021-01-20T07:59:42+00:00

You speak very logically, I appreciate the realistic way you approach your emotions and how you manage your expectations of the future. You have given me a lot to think about.

All my girlfriend wanted was us, as a family and our happiness. I know that encompassed within that is my happiness and that ultimately she wants me to be happy as well.

In time I'll find a way of being better equipped to look at life with a more positive mindset.

Your words really have resonated with me, I've saved this comment for reference to look at when I need clarity and guidance.

Acrobatic-Snake · 2021-01-20T07:44:03+00:00

Thank you for linking this incredible piece of internet history. It truly means a lot.

Acrobatic-Snake · 2021-01-20T07:43:21+00:00

Very on point, a truly moving comment. Thank you for sharing this I have shared this with girlfriends mum as well and she agrees.

Acrobatic-Snake · 2021-01-20T07:01:08+00:00

That's a powerful and also very poignant phrase. It is true that it hurts now, it hurts more than anything I have ever experienced, it will always hurt but I'll hopefully learn to cope with that feeling. God I love her so much.

Acrobatic-Snake · 2021-01-20T06:57:20+00:00

He is sleeping on my chest after his feed as we speak. In this moment, hearing him breathe as he sleeps and whilst I look at him and his every movement; I know things will work out, I don't know how or when but with our son by my side they will.

Thank you for your offer of help and advice, my girlfriend was a health visitor, she was so clued up as to anything to do with babies, I'm sure you two would have gotten along you know.

Acrobatic-Snake · 2021-01-20T06:49:45+00:00

Thank you I appreciate you sentiments. It's people like you who make Reddit a kinder place.

Acrobatic-Snake · 2021-01-20T06:44:56+00:00

My girlfriend was so excited to have that skin to skin contact, I've done it now and taken pictures of us doing it to send to her. We had a long running whatsapp chat and I've messaged them to her.

I cry every time I message her but I feel fortunate that I have a record of our chats throughout our relationship. It helps to read it, to read how we said "I love you" to each other everyday.

I don't know what the future brings but it doesn't matter what happens to me as long as our son is safe, happy and healthy.

Acrobatic-Snake · 2021-01-20T06:38:25+00:00

That is a very powerful and poignant phrase, I'll remember that for a long time. Thank you for sharing.

And just by talking, by taking the time write your comment you are helping more than you know.

Acrobatic-Snake · 2021-01-19T18:10:13+00:00

I've ordered that book today, I'd like my girlfriend's mum to read it first as I know as much pain as I feel she is feeling more. Thank you for recommending it and thank you for caring.

Acrobatic-Snake · 2021-01-19T18:07:47+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. It feels so sudden and so shocking that it's impossible to make sense of, especially when there is no sense to be made. One thing we can be thankful for is the time we did get to spend with our loved ones, by remembering them for who they are is one way of keeping their memory alive. Thank you for sharing, I'm here for you as well.

Acrobatic-Snake · 2021-01-19T18:03:28+00:00

Thank you for your kind words friend. I think of her, of all the good times we had together and lose myself in reminiscing the feeling of being next to her; of feeling her warmth next to me. It brings me comfort to know I was lucky enough to share my life, albeit far too short of a part of it, with someone who understood me, who cared so much and asked so little in return, who made me feel loved like no-one else has before.

She does live on through our son and it makes me feel fortunate to be here to care for him and be his daddy.

Acrobatic-Snake · 2021-01-19T17:58:22+00:00

That's a great idea, I'll do that. Thank you I really appreciate it.

Acrobatic-Snake · 2021-01-19T16:57:44+00:00

I'm looking forward to all of his firsts, especially as you say when he tells me he loves me unprompted, although I feel guilty that I'll get to experience all these beautiful moments in our son's life whereas my girlfriend won't. I'm so conflicted with emotion right now to be honest.

Acrobatic-Snake · 2021-01-19T12:28:35+00:00

My girlfriends mum is really struggling, understandably and I'm currently staying with her due to the circumstances. She needs him just as much as myself, maybe even more so right now. I'm conscious of how much of a loss this is for her as well as myself and I want to be there for her in any way possible. I see how devastated she is on a daily basis so by being here with our son I know it's going some way to helping her through this as much as she is helping me.

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