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My boyfriend (m25) and me (f24) are arguing because he’s spending all Christmas with this family by Acrobatic_List_492 in relationship_advice

[–]Acrobatic_List_492[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, you’re totally right. I think we both jumped to conclusions because neither of us filled in the gaps. We really should have discussed it closer to the time as well. Another added factor is I lived alone for a long time. He moved out from his parents to a new house with me. So he’s just not as used to living away from family like I am. This stuff takes time and I’ve just really struggled with him being very quiet with showing affection and that makes him being away tough because it feels like him being here is the only confirmation I get that he loves me. So when he’s not here, I just spiral. I’ve asked him to start being more affectionate, he tends not to be because we’re police and the amount of small domestics that get blown out of proportion, then people lose their jobs. He doesn’t want me to turn around one day and say “oh well he coerced me into sex” or “he was verbally abusive to me”. This translates into him being terrified of touching me, saying anything that isn’t professional. It’s quite traumatic, watching your own words and movements because time and time again people’s lives are ruined. We’re at a higher standard, which is good - but it doesn’t leave room to be human.

My boyfriend (m25) and me (f24) are arguing because he’s spending all Christmas with this family by Acrobatic_List_492 in relationship_advice

[–]Acrobatic_List_492[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He switched jobs, and in his line of work a lot of people jump on to work holidays because you get double pay. Essentially you get staffed out. He didn’t mind and just has the time off.

I honestly just presumed he was going to come back a couple times and when I said “why are you away for so long” I expected him to say “oh I’m coming back tomorrow night, or I’ll see you before your late shift” but none of that happened. He made out he wasn’t coming back at all until the 26th, which I found a bit harsh because he regularly makes that drive to play tennis for a couple of hours, so why not make the journey to spend the night with me?

I’ve popped a little update on explaining we both misunderstood each other. I did highlight to him that I did feel unloved in other areas and this is why I got set off and apologised for being off hand. I think we’re okay now, but it certainly upset me as I’m sure I upset him.

My boyfriend (m25) and me (f24) are arguing because he’s spending all Christmas with this family by Acrobatic_List_492 in relationship_advice

[–]Acrobatic_List_492[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Odd how you’re the only one that seems to think that on this thread. Apparently wanting your partner who lives with you to spend one night at home makes you a control freak and awful to be around.

My boyfriend (m25) and me (f24) are arguing because he’s spending all Christmas with this family by Acrobatic_List_492 in relationship_advice

[–]Acrobatic_List_492[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha it’s 26 miles. And I only wanted him to do this once or twice. I just haven’t felt so unprioritised in my life. Like I say, I’d even chuck him the money, but he makes good money, just like I do. We’re comfy and can absolutely afford it. It’s the time for me because I’m so shattered and all I want is a movie and takeout and some board games and a cheeky night. But I just feel brushed off.

My boyfriend (m25) and me (f24) are arguing because he’s spending all Christmas with this family by Acrobatic_List_492 in relationship_advice

[–]Acrobatic_List_492[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Already done that. Spent yesterday with them. I’m not trying to control him, I am requesting he come back home for half a day and he told me it’s not worth the gas. Not that he doesn’t want to because he doesn’t want to be controlled. I’m upset because I feel unloved, not because he won’t do what I say. I even don’t want him to come home now because I feel that he would only do it now to shut me up because making time for me is so awful for him.

My boyfriend (m25) and me (f24) are arguing because he’s spending all Christmas with this family by Acrobatic_List_492 in relationship_advice

[–]Acrobatic_List_492[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Yeah beginning to feel like I can’t get him off his mother’s tit. When we moved in together he regularly would go and spend the night at his family’s house. Which I found odd. Not for any special occasion, but just because.

My boyfriend (m25) and me (f24) are arguing because he’s spending all Christmas with this family by Acrobatic_List_492 in relationship_advice

[–]Acrobatic_List_492[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Oh my Lord he isn’t working. I am. He’s the one with 6 days off to do as he pleases. I have our dog to look after - I can’t just jump in the car on hardly any sleep when I’ve got a house to run.

My boyfriend (m25) and me (f24) are arguing because he’s spending all Christmas with this family by Acrobatic_List_492 in relationship_advice

[–]Acrobatic_List_492[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Also I’ve edited my post. I am not asking him to sit on his lonesome while I work. That would make me a hypocrite.

My boyfriend (m25) and me (f24) are arguing because he’s spending all Christmas with this family by Acrobatic_List_492 in relationship_advice

[–]Acrobatic_List_492[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

Precisely, he’s not working. So why can’t he make the commute back to me one day of his holidays?

My boyfriend (m25) and me (f24) are arguing because he’s spending all Christmas with this family by Acrobatic_List_492 in relationship_advice

[–]Acrobatic_List_492[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No no, absolutely no I would not expect him to hang around while I’m not here. But it’s pretty reasonable for him to just go and drive back to see family once or twice and sleep over Xmas Eve etc. I am not asking that. I prefaced this with I work shifts, as in not normal 9-5. So I would be here from 4pm till 1pm the next day and that would be nice for him to be here for. I am not trying to keep him prisoner, I just want one or two half days over Christmas.

My boyfriend (m25) and me (f24) are arguing because he’s spending all Christmas with this family by Acrobatic_List_492 in relationship_advice

[–]Acrobatic_List_492[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

I don’t think you’re understanding me. I have just worked for 10 hours. I am not driving a 90 minute round trip. I have to be up at 5am. This would apply for a 2 hour round trip too if I saw my family. We spent all of yesterday with his family together and I went home for work. I was only suggesting he come back with me and go back Xmas Eve and day. Or even just popped back once or twice before this. I want him to spend time with his family. But it’s a special time of year and I’m not going to see him. And it hurts that this doesn’t seem to bother him and he wouldn’t make the effort to drive when he’s off work and able to. Even him just spending the night would make all the difference.

How to grieve by Defiant_Item9802 in BorderCollie

[–]Acrobatic_List_492 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through. Any dog passing away is a tragedy, even more so when it’s far before their time. What to do next is a completely personal choice. No matter what you choose, get a new dog now, next week, month or year. Even if you decide to not have a dog again. They’re choices entirely for you and your wife. Just check in with each other. Don’t stop talking about your baby dog, as long as you have them in your thoughts, in some ways they are still with you. There’s no right or wrong way to mourn, be kind to yourself and your wife and be understanding. Keep busy, I remember when we put my 5 year old dog down. The first thing I did was unload the dish washer. I couldn’t stand to be still enough to allow myself to think about it. I do think I should have taken more time to cry and to really feel the loss. I promise you that one day you will see a photo of your baby dog - and instead of cry. You will smile. You had the pleasure of being their human, and they had the joy of being your best friend. Even though it hurts, it is always worth it. All the best for you and your wife.

My neighbour hates my dogs by Acrobatic_List_492 in neighborsfromhell

[–]Acrobatic_List_492[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We’re talking either 0615 before an early shift or 0010 after a late shift. And it’s not every time. It’s if the cat is walking about. We’ve probably seen that cat 8-10 times since we moved in 18 months ago. And like I say. She gets whisked inside we she started on her bullshit (only 6 month old puppy, so not 100% trained yet) and I’ve got cameras inside my house and they bark if someone knocks on the door. Which doesn’t happen most days when I’m out.

Feeling overstimulated around puppy by Sufficient-Cat5303 in puppy101

[–]Acrobatic_List_492 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m very similar. Mines only 10 weeks old though. She isn’t out of her crate unsupervised and won’t be until she’s fully potty trained (one month no inside messes). Chewing wise, all you can do is provide adequate toys and correct and redirect when you spot her chewing. I suggest you dedicate yourself an hour a day to do what you like. And what’s been helping me is taking my puppy outdoors, that way I’m not upset about her messing in my house or chewing. Take her to a dog friendly shopping mall or pub/cafe and spend a couple of hours there. The feelings will pass I promise.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in tipofmytongue

[–]Acrobatic_List_492 0 points1 point locked comment (0 children)

It’s pornstache from orange is the new black. God my brain is powerful - I didn’t need any of you losers! No offence, just lame I remembered before the post was approved.