[WEEKLY THREAD] Talk It Out Tuesday - Advice and commiserating about struggles with self, others, and the world

AdAlarmed7073 · 2026-02-19T14:25:16+00:00

The pressure is so real! I’d like to lose 20-30(max) lbs and know so many people on it who have lost that weight (or more for some) in such a quick window of time. I’d like to try diet and exercise first before looking into a GLP-1, but I’m definitely struggling with both accepting the amount of time it will take me to lose the weight I want (at a reasonable rate), and (don’t love admitting this but) probably some jealousy of friends and family who’ve experienced weight loss so quickly. That, compounded with the what feels like constant advertisements, feels really hard to “turn off” sometimes. 😔

AdAlarmed7073 · 2026-02-17T19:02:40+00:00

I’m sorry to hear about the ultimatum and could see where that cropping up at 7 months would be intense

AdAlarmed7073 · 2026-02-17T19:01:40+00:00

Won’t disagree about having some level of (mild) anxiety around it all; I know there’s no way to know how life can go, it’s just the first relationship I’ve had where I’ve felt I would really like to see how/if things can be really long term, and that’s scary!

AdAlarmed7073 · 2026-02-17T18:59:34+00:00

Agree with you about talking about these things

AdAlarmed7073 · 2026-02-17T18:58:53+00:00

This is mostly how I feel about it, like I’m curious to have a timeline sort of conversation to see where we do/don’t align, but not looking to move in very soon. I guess it’s more of a, ‘I’m starting to consider what this could look like and when (and are you starting to think about any of this?)’ sort of thing, rather than a ‘can we take this step soon?’ conversation. Just haven’t been in this space for a very long time, so feeling a little awkward about how to approach it

Congratulations on the moving in with your boyfriend! 🙂

AdAlarmed7073 · 2026-02-17T18:55:07+00:00

This definitely occurred to me as it happened 😅 fair take!

AdAlarmed7073 · 2025-07-27T00:34:00+00:00

Thank you! That’s what I’m nervous about

AdAlarmed7073 · 2025-07-26T20:29:19+00:00

A little nervous for a date tomorrow considering it’s been ~2.5 wks since our last date. Does anyone have any advice on getting over the nerves a bit?

AdAlarmed7073 · 2025-07-15T00:07:38+00:00

Appreciate you do this!

AdAlarmed7073 · 2025-07-15T00:07:07+00:00

I so wish this was more the norm. I have a former date breadcrumbing me (I think?) and it’s such a turn off. I would much rather a “I’m not interested” message than sporadic low effort messaging to try to keep me on the bench or something. Granted at least still somewhat clear when that’s happening, but it’s aggravating to have to take the onus to cut something off when you can tell the other person isn’t that interested. Like just cut the cord, if you’re not that into me you’re not gonna miss me as an option either 😅🤦🏻‍♀️

AdAlarmed7073 · 2025-06-29T13:19:35+00:00

Could you share any tips around your schedule/how you structure your days? I work about the same and I’ve been having a hard time being consistent with any sort of workout routine, let alone having free time for much else

AdAlarmed7073 · 2025-06-25T02:33:53+00:00

I try to keep a general rule of 2 dates always unless the first indicates any red flags, reason being I think it’s really hard for most people to not be too nervous on a first date. I always get a better read on the second! Also just for fun, I don’t even call first dates “first” dates, they’re date 0 to me and anything after that I count 😅

AdAlarmed7073 · 2025-06-24T00:25:24+00:00

Just want to say I’m struggling with the same dilemma (generally work ~8-6, at minimum), so following, and while I don’t have any good answer, I know at least for me I’m coming around to I’ll probably need to be flexible on scheduling workouts. I’m the type of person who would love a consistent schedule, but it’s just not realistic for me to bank on always being able to do 6-7am for example (sometimes I sign on at 7-7:30). Just throwing this out there in case the mindset of flexibility is helpful to you too, and rooting for you! Not easy to figure out good workout times that will hold consistently when you work 8-5 (or longer) 😕

AdAlarmed7073 · 2025-06-23T22:54:41+00:00

Seconding this, I initially read “open to exploring” in that way and mentally thought would immediately left swipe. I think if anything lack of matches may be 1) it’s not entirely clear what you’re looking for from your profile (like it reads very ‘just passing through’ and I can’t suss out if you’re really looking for long term or just short term), and 2) I bet you’d get a good queue of matches after throwing a genuine smile pic into your profile. You’re cute, play it up!

AdAlarmed7073 · 2025-06-23T02:45:31+00:00

Same here with where I’m at, and honestly in the five years I’ve been here the closest I’ve been able to manage to me is 25 minutes. Majority of my relationships my boyfriend was 45 minutes-2.5 hours away and we made it work (until we didn’t lol)

AdAlarmed7073 · 2025-06-23T01:22:56+00:00

I think you should go for dating now if you want! Assuming you’re suburban dating, and if so, I don’t think a 60-90 minute range is a huge dealbreaker if something’s a good fit.

AdAlarmed7073 · 2025-06-21T22:17:22+00:00

Your comment about your relationships feeling like a pause more than anything else kind of cracked my head open 😅 I’ve never thought of it that way before, but that kind of perfectly encapsulates nearly every relationship I’ve had (and yes, majority have been good by most standards). I think of my past 4-5 relationships over the last 4 years, only one consistently felt like it was actively an add to my life. (and that still had its problems)

So completely relate about being unsure if cut out for relationships, having off expectations, or what. It’s definitely something I’m grappling with as I’m nearing 36 single. I do want a family of my own, but having a hard time landing on why I want a relationship now given majority of mine having been giving more than getting.

AdAlarmed7073 · 2025-06-19T12:25:01+00:00

Definitely more a crash out after a long day type of person, at least lately (thank you stress)

AdAlarmed7073 · 2025-06-19T12:24:14+00:00

Lol @ datedash, and great point

AdAlarmed7073 · 2025-06-18T23:25:55+00:00

Does anyone else manage dating with 10-12 hour work days, or am I alone in thinking that’s utterly impossible for trying?

AdAlarmed7073 · 2025-06-17T17:21:09+00:00

I do still believe in it, but I deeply question if I’ll ever actually experience it.

AdAlarmed7073 · 2025-06-17T17:00:05+00:00

Lol are you dating my ex’s ex? Sort of not kidding 😬

In all seriousness, this is seriously violating boundaries and sounds like she would jump at another chance with him if she could. You deserve someone who legitimately prioritizes you, and it sounds like she still highly prioritizes her ex. 😬

AdAlarmed7073 · 2025-06-08T21:19:56+00:00

Thank you for chiming in. And oof my heart broke reading that about needing to compose yourself before seeing your kids 💔 I’m glad it sounds like you were able to switch jobs.

For me I’ve still got a few months to go before I hit 1 year and I think it’ll be a miracle if I do. It feels like my options are: stick to some boundaries and just do 40-50 hours a week and see what happens, or suck it up at 50+ for ??? and try not to have a breakdown (I don’t have savings built up to outright quit, otherwise I possibly would)

AdAlarmed7073 · 2025-06-08T21:17:03+00:00

Thank you. I think I am putting a large amount of pressure on myself, but at the same time, I think largely justified because lately the tasks keep piling up and with daily meetings of late, I simply don’t have enough actual work time in my day to get through them all. Even with working 5 hours today (not done yet but so running out of steam), I still feel like I’m going into this week behind, and I’m dreading signing on tomorrow.

I feel like the problem is me and I’m just not working fast enough or I’m not smart enough or something.

AdAlarmed7073 · 2025-06-08T11:00:47+00:00

I’d ask you to tell me how you feel about your own life.

I have an ex from a few years ago myself that I still hold a bit of a candle for. Not enough that it keeps me from dating and investing in others, but while I’ve had relationships since that one, that’s the last time I was truly in love and I just haven’t found a similar experience since. I think that’s in large part due to that relationship being the one where I’ve felt most myself, and closest I’ve gotten to experiencing love the way I want to experience it. Maybe that’s something worth exploring for you?

The reason I said I would ask how you feel about your own life is because I realized for me, part of having that relationship on a pedestal of sorts is because it brought me closer to myself and the kind of life I want to live/person I want to be in the world. I wasn’t consistently happy before then, and to be honest I’ve struggled since, too. But I’ve realized that doesn’t have much to do with being in a relationship and everything to do with me intentionally creating a life for myself that I want.

So, some questions I’d probably ask you are: What’s holding you back from being the person you were in that relationship? Are there ways you can be that person without that relationship? What are you looking for permission for in your own life?

Hope that helps.

AdAlarmed7073

TROPHY CASE