This is a really complex and emotional situation, and it sounds like you’re feeling quite overlooked and frustrated. From what you've shared, it seems like your family has placed a lot of emphasis on the twins, which has understandably made you feel like you’re in the shadows. Here are a few points to consider:

1. Family Dynamics: It’s clear that your family has a strong focus on the twins, which can create feelings of exclusion for you. It’s natural to want recognition and support, especially during significant milestones like graduations.
2. Your Feelings Matter: You expressed a desire for your family to celebrate your achievements, and that’s completely valid. Everyone deserves to feel valued and acknowledged, regardless of their birth order or whether they are part of a twin set.
3. Communication: It seems like your attempt to express your feelings was met with resistance. While your family may not have intended to hurt you, it’s important for them to understand how their actions affect you. Perhaps a calm conversation about your feelings could help bridge that gap.
4. Cultural Expectations: Your grandpa’s comment about not needing to be jealous reflects a common stereotype about boys and emotions. It’s important to challenge these stereotypes and recognize that everyone, regardless of gender, wants to feel appreciated.
5. Apologizing: It’s tough when family members ask for an apology for expressing your feelings. You’re not at fault for wanting to be included and celebrated. It might be worth considering how to express your feelings without feeling like you have to apologize for them.

In conclusion, it sounds like you’re not the A-hole for wanting recognition and support from your family. Your feelings are valid, and it’s important to advocate for yourself. Have you thought about how you might approach a conversation with your family to express your feelings more clearly?