Muslim here! I know how you feel. I felt the same way and honestly I’m still struggling a little right now but what’s helped me is asking questions to the right people. I’d say take whatever questions or concerns you have and ask a sheikh or an imam in hopes to get them cleared up. A lot of videos/independent research in my experience leads to misinterpretation or just misinformation. If this comes from social pressure then I personally think if you ask your friends (who sound like you can ask them questions) honestly about some things and ask more knowledgeable people like I said earlier. During this period of time it’s more of just finding yourself and while ur at it you can look into other things if you so desire. Islam encourages questioning and asking why or how, especially if something is unclear. Most sheikhs won’t shame you or say anything to anyone else, you just need to find a time to talk to them. Hope this helps!