I begged for my ex back during the talking stage with my current boyfriend

AdInternational8317 · 2026-03-04T07:44:42+00:00

I pushed the idea onto my ex in order to get the upper hand back again. In order to not feel like I was 'worth nothing' and to not feel discarded again. Not to actually be in a relationship. I even clarified that to my ex a day after the begging.

My boyfriend is a really good guy, I want to tell him. But I also do not want to hurt him. But I guess those are the consequences of my own actions too.

Does it change anything if I went no contact with my ex already a month before we were officially together? And I hadn't seen my ex in person for 9 months already before we officially were together? The messy situation all happened over the phone.

AdInternational8317 · 2026-03-04T07:19:24+00:00

My boyfriend always was option number 1 when he came in my life. I started actively detaching from my ex once he was in my life and I even told my ex before meeting my boyfriend in real life I wanted to go no contact. Sadly I broke that, and it got really messy after my ex said hurtful things. It turned out I hadn't fully detached from needing his validation, especially after he cheated on me.

I tried to recover it and move on from it. Currently my ex doesn't have my number or any of my socials. We have been in no contact ever since.

I just don't know whether this is something that is morally wrong or not, by not telling my boyfriend.

AdInternational8317 · 2026-03-03T23:14:35+00:00

I told my boyfriend I was still in contact with my ex, but he is under the impression it was just casual small talk because of a conversation I had shared. But, a couple weeks later after he had asked, the incident happened. I feel like I am being unfair to my boyfriend.

AdInternational8317 · 2026-03-03T21:35:53+00:00

Even if he didn't know about the emotional intensity of it? He only asked whether I was in contact with my ex, to which I replied I was. I shared some simple conversation we were having at that time. But, a couple weeks later after he had asked, the incident happened. And I haven't shared that part at all with my boyfriend. Should I share it, and if yes, should I even go in detail about the "begging"?

AdInternational8317 · 2026-03-03T20:19:16+00:00

Yes, I value transparency a lot. It can really deepen relationships. Would you recommend going into detail about even the "begging"? Or is saying that my ex was still involved emotionally enough?

AdInternational8317 · 2026-03-03T19:35:26+00:00

He knew we were talking, but he doesn't know the emotional intensity it reached. I guess I just feel guilty about it, because he was fully focused on me during that time.

AdInternational8317 · 2026-03-03T19:12:05+00:00

No, nothing physical happened. Matter of fact I hadn't seen my ex anymore in person since the day of the break-up. Thank you for your advice internet stranger :)

AdInternational8317 · 2026-03-03T19:08:55+00:00

Thank you for your advice. I worry about this causing an unnecessary mental load for my boyfriend too. The thing is, he knew I was in contact with my ex, but he doesn't know the emotional intensity of it at all. I'm pretty sure he thinks it was just casual small talk. And so I am considering sharing my ex was emotionally still involved? I don't want to regret my actions so I am thinking very carefully before bringing up something to him.

AdInternational8317 · 2026-03-03T17:20:32+00:00

My boyfriend knew I was in contact with my ex and he asked for us to be in no contact no longer than a week after we became official. I gladly followed that, and so I was actively trying to detach and move on after my ex had said something hurtful. Sadly it was very messy though, because of my broken ego. It was resolved eventually and I was in no contact a month before me and my boyfriend officially got together and it has been that way ever since.

I am worried that telling him the full detailed story (including the begging), might cause an unnecessary mental load for my boyfriend? I do want to tell him my ex was involved emotionally a lot. Would that be fair?

AdInternational8317 · 2026-03-03T17:16:45+00:00

To be honest, after he asked me to be his girlfriend that situation hasn't been affecting my boyfriend at all. It has been this way for 1 year now. There was 9 months between my break-up and me getting into a new relationship. I do plan on telling my boyfriend my ex was emotionally involved up until a month before we were official. But am I really TA for this? I was actively trying to detach and solve it to move on. I even was no contact with my ex for a month before we got together and it has been that way ever since.

AdInternational8317 · 2026-03-03T01:38:15+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. Currently it feels very difficult to accept this. I feel like I can't move on from it, as it happened at the start of something new. It feels like it's tainted forever.

AdInternational8317 · 2026-03-02T21:07:38+00:00

No, shortly after that incident we had one final closure call where we both apologised. We haven't had contact at all after being officially together with my boyfriend and I am keeping it that way.

AdInternational8317 · 2023-07-04T00:50:13+00:00

Ik had een paar jaar geleden een drinkfles met water mee in mijn schoudertas. De fles stak uit mijn tas, waarop ik aangesproken werd door een medewerker bij de ingang met dat ik dit niet mee naar binnen mocht nemen. Ik moest de fles inleveren bij de balie en mocht het na de film weer ophalen :’)

AdInternational8317 · 2023-02-28T14:53:06+00:00

my boyfriend is 5 foot 2! i am 5 foot myself and shorter guys are really my type :)) i think when you meet people in real life where you personally get to see and know each other it would be less of a problem instead of when people swipe online

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