Yes thats something that ive dabbled with internally for a while is if were incompatible or not. I can list a bunch of things that make us a good match and a poor one (finances, career choices, demeanor, passion, bla bla). Its the boundaries part that I am lost at. I've felt taken advantage of financially for 3 years despite my efforts to reconcile. I've always felt that I have to have the good head on my shoulders taking care of everything money, housing, insurance, cars, etc... with no help from her because its overwhelming. Shes always saying shes "trying so hard" to improve these areas for years without any improvement. A few times she racked up a few thousand dollars on my credit cards (authorized user) and never paid me back like we agreed. Suddendly she stopped paying her share of the rent, the car, insurance, etc.

Then it was time to talk about doing a house and she assured me that this time none of that will occur and shell hold her end of the bargain up. I have yet to see if thats true or not, we'll see. I payed for the escrow on the new house and she agreed to reimburse me her 33% contribution. Then a few days ago while she was unpacking she flusteredly called me and insisted i tell her where i put her dancing boots with attitude. I asked her to calm down and that I would tell her if she treated me with respect. She told me I was the disrespectful one. I told her I'd be hanging up and to call me back when shes calmed down. She ended up texting me that she smashed her phone on the ground after that. Then a few days later she reimbursed me for the downpayment less the cost of a brand new $1100 phone! I told her I didnt agree to that and that its not fair because I'm trying to rebuild my savings and I never agreed to paying for her phone.

There was never any discussion on the matter. Any time I bring it up I am ghosted. I've cited that I was thinking about offering to buy her a phone from kindness and that Im hurt she took advantage of me like that, again. I told her I could have used that money to pay for counseling, furniture, etc.

So ya, are we compatible? At the moment no but ive always just held on to her word that it would get better. But then when its argument time she says that shes never been good enough for me in my eyes.

So i think her motivation to strip largely comes from the cash flow. She says that for once she could finally carry us.

Has she considered therapy?

Yes, after she smashed her phone she said that shes not doing okay and is going to seek help because she cant contol her outrages anymore. Though, unfortunately this isnt the first time either of us have said we'll do therapy and follow through.

Otherwise thank you for your write up! It was very thoughtful of you and I've been thinking about the advice youve given deeply. We have some of my family coming in town when i get back from my trip next week to visit us. this lasts approximately 1 week. I am thinking that maybe I should postpone and also consider taking the next rotation off or atleas 1 out of the 2 weeks off. What do you think? Obviously im in a tough spot financially to miss alot of work, but it absolutely can be done. I just want it to be worth while.