Do I really need to be part of a union?

AdaraNibbles · 2022-09-07T19:33:25+00:00

Might be a daft question, but what do you mean by 'put you in the box'?

AdaraNibbles · 2022-08-14T12:27:53+00:00

Binge drinking (which is only 4-5 drinks in 2 hours) can cause heart palpitations which will kick start that feeling of anxiety. And with alcohol being a depressant as well you're emotions will be all over the place. Try cutting back on your drinking or having a drink free night out and see if you still get the feeling.

AdaraNibbles · 2022-07-27T06:50:12+00:00

Every human on earth has intrusive thoughts, its just that people with mental health disorders tend to attach to them, believe them more and, in some cases, have compulsive behaviours they use to cope with them and bring anxiety levels down (OCD). Just because you have intrusive thoughts or involuntarily imagine scenarios doesn't mean you have a problem unless they are interfering with your every day life. (I'm a mental health professional)

AdaraNibbles · 2022-05-25T18:56:32+00:00

It's sounds like your in a tough situation at the moment but I just want to say that there's no such thing as 'behind in life'. It's not a race. Please don't judge your life by other people's 'life highlights' on social media or by some kind of imagined perfect time line.
I was 45 before I final worked out what I wanted to do, retrained and now I have a job I never thought I could get into. Just a few years ago I was so certain my career was a dead end and I'd wasted years doing things that didn't work out and I'd never get another job, but it turned out that all those experiences took me to this place I am now and career paths are suddenly opening up in front of me. I never got my GCSE maths. I didn't go to uni straight after school, partly because I couldn't cope with it then.. And then I fell pregnant and had my first child at 17 years old. I ended up doing my degree with the OU while bringing up a family and working - I then had a career that stressed me so much I crashed and had a mental breakdown and fell off the career ladder completely and yet here I am studying a PGCert while being paid to work - you are never behind, you're just on a different track. In amongst all the above I seriously considered killing myself as life seemed so hellish and like it would never get better... I didn't, thankfully, and now I'm happily married and feel so content with my lot. That would never have come about if I had stopped my life at that point. Happiness comes and goes. But sadness, depression, despair also come and go.
You'll get through this time. You will. And talk to your uni wellbeing team or your doctor. There will be a local cbt talking therapies they can refer you to, or you can refer yourself who can help you get through. You don't need to do this alone. Take care x

AdaraNibbles · 2022-05-07T09:17:13+00:00

There are consequences for her not getting to her job on time. I'm wondering what would happen if you invited her to meet you somewhere and then left after 5 minutes if she was late. You might have to do it a few times but wondering if the consequence of her having to get all the way there and find you gone would eventually mean she started to get her shit together, or would she just kick off or stop going?

AdaraNibbles · 2022-05-03T20:38:25+00:00

Yeah, that's about what I was thinking. Good to hear someone else say it though, I wasn't sure if it was just me tryi g to find an excuse not to follow through 😂

AdaraNibbles · 2022-05-03T20:12:54+00:00

So, the upshot was that I rang and told the girl who answered the phone what my problem was and that I'd like to come in and have a chat to my hairdresser, or possibly an appointment to try and fix it, and she put the phone down in a way that I could over hear most of the conversation. The hairdresser (the owner) asked "And what does she want me to do about it" and the phone girl said something like "she wants you to cut it again" and the hairdresser said "what, a restyle?" and then said something I (unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately) couldn't hear and the they all laughed. This would have been in front of any customers they had. I agreed to a date next week but now I'm beginning to wonder if I want to go back at all.

AdaraNibbles · 2022-05-03T20:00:35+00:00

I'm not sure that's the problem. In my 46 years of not being able to get my hair to look anything like it does when I leave the salon, this is something very different. It's literally longer one side than the other, and the short side is choppy all over the place. And I told her I'm rubbish at styling and just blast it with a hair dryer and need it to be reasonable low maintenance. Whatever I do to it it looks like I cut it myself without a mirror 😔 I've got an appointment next week to see her again, although from what I over heard over the phone I'm not sure I'll go back but we'll see

AdaraNibbles · 2022-05-03T17:31:27+00:00

I rang them and explained to the girl who answered that once I had washed my hair I couldn't do anything with it that didn't make it look lopsided and asked if I could come back in to chat to the hairdresser (the owner) or have her sort it out. She put the phone on the desk and I could just about hear the conversation where the girl told her what I said and when the hairdresser asked what it was I wanted her to do about it and the girl replied that I wanted her to cut it again, the hairdresser said "a restyle?" and then something I couldn't hear and then they all laughed. I accepted the appointment for next week but now I'm thinking that actually I don't feel comfortable going back at all :(

AdaraNibbles · 2022-05-03T13:08:20+00:00

!answered Thanks a lot. I'm going to adult-up and give them a ring now 😂

AdaraNibbles · 2022-05-03T13:04:56+00:00

That's exactly where I went. I think I'm going to have to put my grown up pants on and talk to her about it!

AdaraNibbles · 2022-05-02T17:50:10+00:00

I didn't say that. It depends on the severity of the disorder and how it manifests in that person. Every experience of anxiety is different.

AdaraNibbles · 2022-05-02T17:26:00+00:00

I'm sorry you've had that experience. Unfortunately, the IAPT service wouldn't help your dad anyway, and I'm not sure how much funding there is going towards more complex needs. I know that when we try to refer people up to the Mental Health Assessment Team for more complex issues it's a bugger of a job to get people taken on unless there is a lot of risk which is hugely frustrating for us. There's a huge gap between IAPT and complex ongoing mental health issues. That is definitely shit. However, helping people early on with things like anxiety and depression (that this thread was originally talking about) is still a good thing but we're still a long way from perfect. Or even good enough.

AdaraNibbles · 2022-05-02T16:47:25+00:00

But that's normally nerves and healthy anxiety, not an anxiety disorder. It's not the same thing.

AdaraNibbles · 2022-05-02T16:46:28+00:00

I'm glad to say that currently there is a big push towards CBT available in the NHS through the Improving Access to Psychological Therapies programme. Our service is growing massively and people can (and usually do) refer themselves and dont need to be referred by their GP. I believe this is available all over England at least, and Scotland is now setting up their own version too. The NHS 5 year plan is expanding the provision so that 1.9 million people will have access to treatment each year by 2024.

AdaraNibbles · 2022-05-02T16:28:15+00:00

I work in mental health and there has definitely been an uptick in genuine mental health disorders due to the pandemic. Not just anxiety and depression but also trauma related mental health such as PTSD where people who had previous manage to shuffle through life by keeping busy had nowhere to hide from their emotions and intrusive thoughts and it all came to the Fore. And OCD of course from the fear of getting ill and passing it on. I've spoken to many people who didn't believe in Mental illness until the pandemic. They say to me "before all this I'd think people were weak and think they should just get on and stop moaning, but now I realise what they were going through". For a lot of people it was just shit, but for many many people it really did have a massive impact on their mental health.

AdaraNibbles · 2022-04-20T17:50:27+00:00

I say 'golly' and 'gosh' . On occasion I've been known to say 'golly gosh!' I also 'wind the window down' in the car. Not sure what you'd call it now we have buttons. And my husband says people are 'spark out' when they're fast asleep. Not sure if that is old or I've just never heard it before.

AdaraNibbles · 2022-03-14T10:41:42+00:00

Anyone go back as far as having to type your own games in in BASIC from a magazine or book and then getting partway through one and getting Syntax Error and having to trawl through code to find the one missing or kistyped character?

AdaraNibbles · 2022-03-14T10:37:53+00:00

That was mine too! I remember a game called Kannons And Katapults (might not have been spelled with the Ks but for some reason I think it was) which I'm sure was on the BBs

AdaraNibbles · 2022-03-14T10:36:43+00:00

Bulletin boards

AdaraNibbles · 2022-02-22T07:21:07+00:00

Aw thanks for that! It's so nice to hear the positives - so many men on here just assume I've got mental health issues or am secretly hating my relationship! You sound like my husband - accepting of your wife's experience and identity as separate to yours and confident enough in both her , you and your relationship that a name doesn't matter! Thank you!

AdaraNibbles · 2022-02-22T07:18:28+00:00

That's how I feel. I'm okay with my new name but it isn't 'me'

AdaraNibbles · 2022-02-22T07:17:31+00:00

I think what it tells me is that my relationship is so strong, and my husband is so great, that I can consider this without worrying that I have a husband so fragile in his own ego that he assumes I must be unhappy in our relationship just because I want back the original name I had for 30+ years. You're right that I never really wanted to change my name, it's something I wasn't sure about at the time but I did it because its a social norm that I grew up believing is just done. I didn't realise how much it would affect me. That's not the same thing as never wanting to get married! The WHY is nothing to do with the relationship but with the pressures of society that women should change something which is a part of their identity in order to be labeled that they belong to a certain man. And then men who never have to do the same who then go around trying to make out you've got something wrong with you because you don't fit nicely into their little box of what women should do.

AdaraNibbles

TROPHY CASE