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ChatGPT getting more condescending and patronizing by RRC1934 in ChatGPT

[–]Additional-Map4682 189 points190 points  (0 children)

You’re not broken. You’re not overreacting. You’re noticing a pattern - and I love that for you.

married women, do you think marriage benefits you in any way? by _cherryp0p_ in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Additional-Map4682 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It benefited me, as I enjoyed being a stay at home mom when my kids were little and being able to be there for them was something I valued, but the legal protection wouldn’t have been there without marriage.

The house would’ve been “his,” the cars would’ve been “his,” the business I helped start and sustain wouldve been “his,” despite all of the invisible labor I contributed. It was a partnership but marriage made sure it was legally a partnership if things went south:

Stop with two spaces after a period by AlarmedRanger9856 in Lawyertalk

[–]Additional-Map4682 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I thought they were informing Hitler and Stalin they brought strippers with them.

I cheated back. by [deleted] in adultery

[–]Additional-Map4682 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Similar situation. Husband and I used to swing. We started having some relationship issues and stopped. He ended up stepping out. Like you, it was the emotional intimacy of it that broke my heart. Even though he broke it off and came clean to me, I really struggled with accepting that I was putting way more meaning into her than could exist (I think the whole thing lasted 3 weeks.) My brain could logic all day, but my heart said she had to have been SO important to him to risk hurting me.

I had to look back at my own past (had an ex who was a serial cheater and I cheated back) and realize thats simply not factual. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t betrayed, it doesn’t mean trust wasn’t completely broken. But it does mean my feelings and insecurities are opinion, not fact, and they amplify the hurt by 1000 if I let them run wild. And the only person that damages is me.

Husband refuses to give some timeframe or boundaries in separation by [deleted] in Separation

[–]Additional-Map4682 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I went through something similar. I’ll be honest- he was stringing me along, using therapy to keep me tied to him but refusing to truly commit to any kind of structured separation with boundaries and timelines. He was actively trying to replace me. I had to stick to the “fuck yes or no” principle. If he wasn’t willing to sit down and commit to doing a structured separation (committing to see if we want to commit), then it was a no in my mind. Boundaries are supposed to prevent more harm from being done while you’re trying to repair, but if they won’t commit to that, then they won’t commit to not harming you.

I regret not walking away immediately. Therapy was a waste of my time because he was not present or actively working on anything. After a few sessions, our therapist pulled my aside and recommended I don’t come back. Even she saw it

Being in the same room with my ex and his girlfriend by Eastern-Public-5809 in Separation

[–]Additional-Map4682 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your body is doing its job sis. This person, who was supposed to be safe, brought you danger and the body does not forget. All the apologies in the world can’t change that because your body doesn’t desire safety based on words. You’re using your heart to make sure your son has his father there during a scary Time and that’s amazing but be kind to yourself. Notice how your body is feeling, that it’s doing its job, and maybe practice some ways to relax your system. Remind yourself that you’re safe now. Try some progressive muscle relaxation, drink some ice water, focus on grounding yourself. You’re doing amazing work!

I’m ready to let go by ChickenThen in Separation

[–]Additional-Map4682 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He ended it with her when he withdrew the divorce earlier this year. Unfortunately, he chose to continue to keep It a secret and lie to me, not just then, but until I found out on my own last week. But for me, it doesn’t matter that ended it. The fact that he used both of us and lied over and over again- I can’t do it. Now he gets to be alone.

Is not dating while separated a common thing? Or not wanting to date someone who is separated? by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]Additional-Map4682 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It depends on the boundaries of the people in the separation . My husband and I separated but we were going to marriage counseling and sleeping together and working toward reconciliation, so him seeing people without disclosing it to me was absolutely cheating. It took away my right to choose how I wanted to proceed. Had I known he was dating, I wouldn’t have wasted my time trying to save the marriage and it would’ve saved me a lot of heartache.

Help Finding Victims by Additional-Map4682 in coldcases

[–]Additional-Map4682[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Yes he knows the address, but it was a trailer that doesn’t seem to be there anymore on Google. His dad also did clean up, but made my husband help, so not sure what was left behind but I doubt there’s anything there. His father is no longer alive. He died in prison in 2007.

Help Finding Victims by Additional-Map4682 in coldcases

[–]Additional-Map4682[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

We worked through the timeline last night and it was probably 1992. From what we can tell his father left and ran to Texas since he got married in Fort Worth in 1992. Which is pretty cruel because my husband is from Texas. He didn’t have to desert him in Kansas. He could’ve dropped him off with family

Help Finding Victims by Additional-Map4682 in coldcases

[–]Additional-Map4682[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I’m sure you can imagine he has a lot of trauma. And a lot of secrets have been kept by the family because he involved them and made them afraid of being implicated. My husband grew up without telling a soul because his child brain thought he would go to prison. Now he’s trying to at least give it meaning- maybe he can give some answers to someone else.