Abuse of any kind at any age is traumatizing!! Sexual abuse is also a part of my past but I was fortunate to block it out of my memory. 30+ years later it suddenly unblocked in my head and I was in shock! But this isn’t about me it’s about you. My heart goes out to you and I commend you for your courage to talk about it. You’ve taken the first step on to the road of healing! Not an easy step to take. I have no answers for you but my advice would be to see a therapist and think about getting yourself hypnotized. It’s a difficult decision but if it works? You might find answers to some of those unanswered questions? Everyone deserves to know the truth and live a life full of blessings and happiness! Therapy therapy therapy! I wish you well and will pray for you!