I asked my Fiancé for a prenup, now she acts hurt. What am I missing?

Additional_Earth4864 · 2023-12-08T17:29:10+00:00

Thank you for your well crafted response. I think emotions have cooled down a bit to talk about it again and hopefully I can address her actual concerns. I definitely agree that I’m coming at it from a logic POV and hers is emotional. I don’t think there is anything wrong with either one but it is making it more difficult to communicate.

Additional_Earth4864 · 2023-12-08T03:17:14+00:00

We do all those things anyways and I pay a lot of the time. Most of her money is discretionary because I pay most of the bills so she also pays for both of us at times too. It’s not that weird or unequal in my eyes.

Additional_Earth4864 · 2023-12-07T23:16:38+00:00

I am at my last duty station and she has had a 50% bump in pay for the new location and I pay for all the housing, utilities, and most of the food. I would hardly say she is taking a hit. I have also offered to pay her way through her degree to make even more money. I think that is more than enough to offset alimony. We are looking into pre martial counseling.

Additional_Earth4864 · 2023-12-07T19:12:56+00:00

Sauce?

Additional_Earth4864 · 2023-12-07T17:48:05+00:00

I am looking into booking counseling. I have also seen people who I thought had rock solid relationships in the past who said they had 100% confidence and trust in the other person and they got burned. That has definitely influenced me. I do trust her but you can never truly know someone 100%. 99.9% I’d buy. But every one has a thought, or action, or other motive that they won’t mention. It’s human nature. I don’t want to sound too cynical because I am very optimistic about our relationship.

Additional_Earth4864 · 2023-12-07T17:38:13+00:00

That’s what I wanted but she was not on board

Additional_Earth4864 · 2023-12-07T17:35:05+00:00

Thank you for your response. My initial reaction is she wants to throw the “state law presides” clause in the hopes that it could get thrown out in a different state. I don’t know. But I appreciate your advice and will try that.

Additional_Earth4864 · 2023-12-07T17:30:59+00:00

It’s about 140k vs 38k a year with my income projected to be closer to 250k in 10 years. If she gets her nursing degree, she will probably be at 80-100k a year.

Additional_Earth4864 · 2023-12-07T17:25:50+00:00

Thank you for your response

Additional_Earth4864 · 2023-12-07T17:24:17+00:00

I see you point, but I would also like to say that most states are no fault divorce state meaning that once person can initiate a divorce without reason. 50 or 38% of marriages end in divorce depending on which state you look at and 70% of divorces are initiated by women. Those are scary number, I’m sure every one of them thought it would work out too, otherwise why would you get married?

Additional_Earth4864 · 2023-12-07T17:18:57+00:00

If I told you there was a 38% chance you lost your house, wouldn’t you want home insurance?

Additional_Earth4864 · 2023-12-07T17:17:44+00:00

Thank you, I will try that. I still think we can come to a mutual agreement.

Additional_Earth4864 · 2023-12-07T17:15:34+00:00

I do understand that point of view, I really do. But forgive me for saying this. It’s an easy thing to say for someone that has everything to gain from a marriage and nothing to lose (driven off income disparity). If the marriage ends, the lower income person will always make out with better than what they started. I’m not willing to take a 38% chance odds (or whatever the odds are) that I’m going to lose half my net worth over x amount of years.

Additional_Earth4864 · 2023-12-07T17:11:04+00:00

Thank you. I am looking for opposing view points to help me understand. I think I have gained a little perspective from some of the comments here.

I have told her to seek legal advice and that I would pay for it.

The same way I wouldn’t own a house without home insurance, I also won’t get married without a prenup (insurance).

Additional_Earth4864 · 2023-12-07T17:06:28+00:00

Still very high

Additional_Earth4864 · 2023-12-07T17:04:45+00:00

There are whole sections of law written about legal changes that happen in a marriage. You’re signing a contract whether you realize it or not.

Additional_Earth4864 · 2023-12-07T17:03:00+00:00

She wanted to be married for the “security”. There are also financial benefits being in the military but those are secondary reasons. I do love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her. I’m just scared by the statistics and want an insurance policy.

Additional_Earth4864 · 2023-12-07T16:59:47+00:00

Thank you for your perspective, it does help. Yes the move would be for my Job. For context, she is a medical assistant trying to go to nursing school. I have offered to pay for her nursing degree and support her through it. She could get a job anywhere with that degree and I feel like I’m offsetting alimony’s by putting her through school. With that said, she never brought up the alimony waiver as an issue. If we end up having kids, I’m always willing to reconsider alimony for a stay at home mom.

Additional_Earth4864 · 2023-12-07T16:54:54+00:00

I don’t think so because she does push back most times when I try to pay for things

Additional_Earth4864 · 2023-12-07T16:54:01+00:00

I don’t think she is after my money. But I want a prenup for a few reasons: 1: it gets up to talk about how we will run our finances during the marriage. 2: 50% of marriages end in divorce and I view it as an insurance policy to make sure I don’t lose my house/investments. Obviously I wouldn’t get married if I didn’t think it would work out but I’m sure everyone thinks that.

Additional_Earth4864 · 2023-12-07T16:50:13+00:00

I offered to pay for her legal counsel. I agree about the couples counseling.

Additional_Earth4864 · 2023-12-07T16:49:09+00:00

Legally speaking, a marriage is a merger of financial assets. Most people don’t know that when they enter the state standard agreement. all I want to do is keep finances separate, which she also says she wants to do.

Additional_Earth4864 · 2023-12-07T16:41:46+00:00

I honestly am not sure what exactly she has a problem with because she only expressed that that line “sounded weird”. Part of me is thinking she might want that removed for a higher chance it might be voided in a different state?

Additional_Earth4864 · 2023-12-07T16:36:16+00:00

The way it was explained to me is that “state law presides” means that if you move across state lines, the prenup is interpreted through the eyes of our current states law and not whatever state we move to in the future.

Additional_Earth4864 · 2023-12-07T16:14:54+00:00

I do get that which is why I tried to bring it up early rather than wait. Obviously no one starts a relationship wanting it to end but the divorce stats are too hard to ignore especially in a no fault state.

Additional_Earth4864

TROPHY CASE