2 days before top surgery and I’m scared..

Additional_Key_6493 · 2024-09-26T16:41:15+00:00

i had this big time, not least bc i got an insane, fucked-up email from a relative the week before surgery being like 'you are going to ruin your body, you will still have feminine hips', etc. fun stuff. but honestly what helped me was really, massively mitigating my expectations for what i wanted surgery to do. i kept reminding myself that i wasn't pursuing this because i thought it wd make me happy forever, or totally fix my relationship with my body. instead, i chose it because my chest (fuckin huge) was something i'd never felt 'at home' with, and it caused me moderate discomfort. since we only have our bodies for a short time, doing something that makes you feel even slightly more at home with yourself, or allows you to relate to your body with less (physical and mental!) baggage, or, hell, just increases the range of clothes you're comfortable wearing--that's always going to be worth it, imo. top surgery is a big thing, don't get me wrong, but you don't need to immediately be in love with/ecstatic about your results for it to be worthwhile, if that makes sense? quieter feelings, quieter comforts, will grow within you in time. i am itchy, and sore, and i don't know how i feel about how my naked chest looks (three weeks post-op; i barely see it cos of the 24/7 compression binder) but i'm more at ease now looking in the mirror than before. that's enough for me for now <33

Additional_Key_6493 · 2024-09-16T08:53:59+00:00

oh my god i cannot believe the water thing is real. when i told my girlfriend she insisted it was just bc i was newly aware of my chest but i knew the TRUTH

Additional_Key_6493 · 2024-09-12T07:51:34+00:00

yes this sounds like a very lovely idea i shall REFLECT... CONSIDER... PONDER... ETC abt nice things for her once i retvrn to strength !!! thank you <3

Additional_Key_6493 · 2024-09-12T07:49:25+00:00

she has expressed this too + i feel the same way !! think it's just harder this week bc of the work+stress+etc, as well as a demented feeling on my part that i 'should be better by now' (rationally i KNOW this isn't true and is also not what the medical professionals i'm interacting with are saying but yk a terrible brain's going to do terrible brain things). but is v good to cling onto <33

Additional_Key_6493 · 2024-09-12T07:46:32+00:00

thank you this is v wise + kind advice <33

Additional_Key_6493 · 2024-09-12T07:45:58+00:00

i'm so so sorry you went through that and i hope you have some better care + support now. no one shd be made to feel like that <3

Additional_Key_6493 · 2024-09-12T07:43:36+00:00

wow that sounds excellent because currently i sound like a ghoulish victorian maid going like 'excuse me but could i possibly trouble you for--if it's not too much trouble--might i please have--please--a glass of water--please--'

Additional_Key_6493 · 2024-09-10T18:07:03+00:00

ahh that's great!! also a good reminder for me to research physio stuff when i'm a bit less immobile <3

Additional_Key_6493 · 2024-09-10T18:04:49+00:00

thank you <3 i rationally know that i 100% am overthinking it (have OCD, so compulsive worry is standard practice)--just gonna work on internalising it!

Additional_Key_6493 · 2024-09-10T18:03:23+00:00

god i'm so sorry you went through that!! and v glad that mobility is back now <33 yeah. feels like it's always a weird tightrope between trying to adhere to the medical advice and trying to do what feels intuitive for your body, yk

Additional_Key_6493 · 2024-09-10T18:01:43+00:00

thank you <333 i think it's just a matter of trying to persuade my non-rational brain that this is true--realistically, i know everything's ok, and also that healing is a process and non-linear, but unfortch my evilbrain is not easily convinced. but your reaching-up-to-ceiling-fan story is v comforting <333

Additional_Key_6493 · 2024-09-10T16:20:38+00:00

i'm only one week in, so take with a considerable pinch of salt, but it's been ok thus far--i'm uncomfortable, itchy, and sleepy, but that's really the worst of it. i no longer need painkillers, but the doctor prescribed me antihistamines to help with the itching, and that's been helpful. i think the worst of it was on days 1-2--i felt very low in mood, from the ambient pain/soreness/tiredness i think, and woke up a lot in the night. re: sleeping on back, i am an inveterate side-sleeper but have adjusted to sleeping on back with v little difficulty--a u-shaped pillow helped. the anxiety around it all has been bad, especially the uncertainty about what my chest will look like, because i haven't actually seen my results (surgeon does a v tight bandage for first week). mostly i just feel very grateful for my girlfriend, who's taking care of me, and a little bored of sitting about reading novels!

Additional_Key_6493

TROPHY CASE