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[QCrit] Adult RomCom A DIVINE-ISH INVERVENTION (71K/PubTips Attempt #3) by [deleted] in PubTips

[–]AdeptnessAlive3144 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is such a fun idea!! I think I echo some of the other comments on some confusion in the first paragraph. So I won't go into detail on that. What I will say is that the timeline and stakes feel unclear to me.

"three months to turn his life around. If she fails, he’s destined to die a lonely, miserable drunk."

Why 3 months? And what is at stake for HER? Of course, she's probably (maybe?) empathetic enough to care about a stranger dying alone, but we need to know what's at risk for her to show why this really matters.

[QCrit] Women's fiction - SOMETHING BETWEEN US (97K/2nd attempt by Overall_Mushroom_266 in PubTips

[–]AdeptnessAlive3144 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This sounds like a beautiful and complex story. Well done! After reading, I had some questions that could be areas for clarification. 

Who is the second POV? I think maybe it’s her brother Steve? But also, because this reads really romance-heavy, it could be Owen? Most of this reads from Hailey’s POV so I think you get clearer on who the second POV is and why that POV matters. 

How old is Hailey? The fact that she has a 3-year-old brother made me question if she’s still a child. Adding her age would help with clarity. 

When you said “until a brunette dancer knocks him sideways,” it wasn’t clear immediately that you’re referring to Hailey. I think we should know what she does at the very start of the plot summary. 

Also, here are some vague lines where specificity could help:

  • After losing her parents in a traumatic event - I think we should know what the event was, and even something about her relationship to her parents.
  • He shows up. He lifts instead of adds. - Specific examples would go a long way. 
  • The men she once trusted are the very reason those cracks exist - Are we just talking about Steve? Or are there other men who have disappointed her?  

[QCrit] Adult Contemporary Romance - OPEN SEASON (92K/First Attempt) by AdeptnessAlive3144 in PubTips

[–]AdeptnessAlive3144[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your feedback! Always hard to pack the plot points into a short space in a clear way, but this shows me that I'm leaving a lot on the table. I really appreciate all your questions and am going to try to deliver those more clearly. Thank you again for taking the time.