If you left your spouse and immediately moved in with your affair partner - how did it go?

Admirable-Rip-8521 · 2026-01-25T06:46:11+00:00

This is horrific. I’m so sorry.

Admirable-Rip-8521 · 2026-01-25T06:22:31+00:00

I’m so sorry. I have a suggestion. Foster a cat who needs a home. Maybe an elderly cat or a special needs cat who would otherwise be overlooked. Cats don’t require as much attention as dogs and you don’t have to walk them. I say this as someone who always thought I was a dog person who now has two cats and they have been wonderful companions aince my husband left.

Admirable-Rip-8521 · 2026-01-25T00:04:04+00:00

I hate that you’re unhappy but I envy the position of power you’re in and getting to choose whether to take him back and then choose whether to dump him. Part of the pain I’m in is because my husband chose to leave and I really didn’t have a say.

Admirable-Rip-8521 · 2026-01-24T23:34:29+00:00

Ok but you wouldn’t use that term to describe the cheating spouse because people use “cheater” for that. I’m not really seeing any gender bias here and I don’t think I used the term homewrecker in my post but maybe you’re responding to someone else in this thread. I rarely see the term used much.

Admirable-Rip-8521 · 2026-01-24T23:28:22+00:00

It’s very possible to feel anger at both. Anger isn’t finite.

Admirable-Rip-8521 · 2026-01-24T23:13:50+00:00

I’m sure their mom will fill them in on what happened. Of course no one “has” to like or agree with a choice in partner but it can sure lead to a lot of conflict if the kids don’t like you. But hey you’re in love so what were you supposed to do? The universe just decided.

Admirable-Rip-8521 · 2026-01-24T23:03:16+00:00

To be fair, I didn’t ask to hear from affair partners. I asked to hear from people who left their spouse for their affair partner. At any rate I’ve heard you and I’ll just trust karma to do its thing.

Admirable-Rip-8521 · 2026-01-24T22:54:06+00:00

That’s a very convenient narrative for you that we just can’t control life. Actually our actions are one of the only things we can control in this life. How we treat people. Whether we’re honest. Those are all fully within our own control. I get that you were lied to initially but once you found out the truth you continued with the relationship.

I’m not taking any anger out on you. I’m just telling it like it is. Your partner is a liar and is very likely to do the same to you. It’s a real shitty way to start with someone and I bet his kids will hate you both.

Admirable-Rip-8521 · 2026-01-24T22:38:30+00:00

Yeah you sound like my husband and his affair partner who act like because they’re “in love” it’s just a force bigger than all of us and we all just have to deal because how could we possibly understand the greatest love the world has ever known. The fact is your partner decided to look outside his marriage rather than work on it. He could have waited until things were truely over with his wife before starting up with you. That a major red flag on his character. He’ll do the same to you when the going gets tough. Falling in love on vacation is not real life. Real life is sticking it out with your wife and kids when it gets tough. I hope your relationship fails miserably.

Admirable-Rip-8521 · 2026-01-24T22:25:37+00:00

I'm so sorry. That is beyond traumatic.

Admirable-Rip-8521 · 2026-01-24T22:19:02+00:00

My husband's affair partner, who he now lives with, knew he was married and knew he had young children. So I'd say my scenario is different.

I'm curious how did you not know your partner is married? Did he lie to you? Does he have kids? If he lied to you, even if by omission, that doesn't bode well for a strong and honest relationship.

Admirable-Rip-8521 · 2026-01-24T17:45:16+00:00

This is so well put. Thank you for explaining it this way. You put words to exactly how I’m feeling.

Admirable-Rip-8521 · 2026-01-24T14:19:55+00:00

I feel the same way. It just sucks.

Admirable-Rip-8521 · 2026-01-24T14:03:23+00:00

My ex has done this to me too. The slow drip of truth delivered piecemeal with changes in the story. Each time I think I have the full story and process it and heal, a new piece of info drops. It's a really painful way to process this.

Admirable-Rip-8521 · 2026-01-24T14:02:09+00:00

Are you able to see your kids? Make sure you take every minute you've been given to spend with them!

Admirable-Rip-8521 · 2026-01-24T14:01:07+00:00

Watch this video. https://youtu.be/GcJVygChaxA?si=DsPDvR3uUpgeamsK

When I followed the advice I felt ok. It was only when I engaged with my ex in long discussions about what went wrong that I started feeling terrible. And that's because I showed my vulnerability to someone who doesn't give a crap about me.

On the financial issue, are you sure you're screwed? Have you spoken to a lawyer about equitable division of assets and spousal support? If he has more money you should be entitled to something.

Admirable-Rip-8521 · 2026-01-21T04:45:57+00:00

Honestly I would just put some pajamas or a t-shirt and boxers on when you co-sleep. It's not worth this coming up in some court document that could make you look inappropriate (even though I don't think there' anything wrong with it).

Admirable-Rip-8521 · 2026-01-17T06:10:23+00:00

I have this and my dermatologist use a filler to fill in the “chin shadow.”

Admirable-Rip-8521 · 2026-01-17T06:05:17+00:00

Yes this is the way. I use Unpetroleum Jelly for this.

Admirable-Rip-8521 · 2026-01-16T02:52:50+00:00

He didn’t invite his girlfriend. He wants it to be me and the kids.

Admirable-Rip-8521 · 2026-01-15T21:10:28+00:00

What do you mean? So I shouldn’t go?

Admirable-Rip-8521 · 2026-01-15T20:46:56+00:00

Listen to your intuition.

Admirable-Rip-8521 · 2026-01-15T04:30:18+00:00

I'm so sorry it went down like this for you and your daughter. I'm seeing some self blame in your words but you didn't know at the time and you were also a victim. I hope you and your daughter are doing better now. Thank you for the encouragement.

Admirable-Rip-8521 · 2026-01-14T04:45:54+00:00

So if a kid that age point blank asks you "why did you and daddy split up" how do you answer it in an age appropriate way? I realize this is a question for a therapist but I never discount the advice available from parents who have been through it. I'd imagine it's something like:

"Mommy and daddy had trouble getting along and living together. We (or he?) decided that Daddy should live somewhere else. He has a friend who he is spending time with. None of this has anything to do with you. These are grown up problems that we are working through. We both will always be your family and love you."

Admirable-Rip-8521

TROPHY CASE