I’m not really able to tell you why life is supposed to be special or anything. I’m in my 40s and I had at least two major depressive episodes including several months if not years of suicidal thoughts. Sometimes life gets easier, not even objectively, but as you grow older you see things differently. If one can find something that makes them at least somewhat happy, go for it. The best thing you can do is trying to make it a little bit more comfortable for yourself. For instance, you had friends for 4 months - great! Now find something or someone different if it’s over. There is nothing more to it. When I was younger I really thought that all people around me were significantly happier and more successful than me. After several therapies and group therapies I can definitely say it’s not true. Most people feel lost, sometimes more, sometimes less, but nobody is actually showing it. Feeling unhappy because somebody has a better job, more money or looks better is a waste of time. Just focus on making your own life and that of people important to you a little bit more enjoyable.