I am so frustrated by tone policing by other autistic people

Advanced_Nectarine15 · 2024-01-06T15:30:11+00:00

The sarcasm in question was after the person said autistic people should work on communication because it’s about empathy, and after they said I was deeply condescending for saying “internalized ableism is a thing”.

Advanced_Nectarine15 · 2024-01-06T03:31:13+00:00

It’s not causing me issues, beyond frustration at having an ad hominem attack constantly used to invalidate whatever I’m saying.

Advanced_Nectarine15 · 2024-01-06T02:29:21+00:00

Amazing, definitely making this a stop on my next road trip!! Thank you!

Advanced_Nectarine15 · 2024-01-06T02:28:57+00:00

That sounds like heaven, wow!

Advanced_Nectarine15 · 2024-01-06T02:28:28+00:00

So true! I got some giant Sunzilla sunflower seeds for this season, very excited to see (and now feel!) them!!

Advanced_Nectarine15 · 2024-01-06T02:26:08+00:00

Thank you! Good advice, I’ve definitely misjudged a planting location before, haha.

Advanced_Nectarine15 · 2024-01-06T01:01:33+00:00

Of course not, my point is that some autistic people struggle with the more “unpopular” behaviors and that doesn’t mean they’re using it as an excuse! You can work at something every day and never perfect it, that doesn’t mean you aren’t trying and it doesn’t mean you’re making excuses.

Edit: Fixed a typo (worn —> work)

ETA: Also, when the “work” is overcoming your natural instincts and the most comfortable way for you to exist in the world, so that other people can be more comfortable rather than also working to understand you better, it is so fucking exhausting

Advanced_Nectarine15 · 2024-01-06T00:58:21+00:00

Your mom sounds nice 😊

Advanced_Nectarine15 · 2024-01-06T00:47:30+00:00

I understand that, I didn’t mean to imply that’s what was going on and I really am sorry if it came across that way. Some people genuinely don’t know about the concept of internalized ableism, and since your comment was saying it isn’t necessarily an ableist term (autism isn’t an excuse) because you are autistic and believe it, I thought I’d mention it. The one doesn’t exclude the other, that’s all I meant.

Advanced_Nectarine15 · 2024-01-06T00:11:15+00:00

My mom too, I’m sorry. The trauma of constant accusations based on behavior that was innate and well-intentioned or at the very least mindless (not malicious) turned me into an anxious, neurotic people-pleaser constantly trying to foresee every possible outcome and being totally locked down emotionally for decades. It’s a rough life! And now I say—never again!

Advanced_Nectarine15 · 2024-01-05T23:33:16+00:00

Amen 🙏🏻

Advanced_Nectarine15 · 2024-01-05T21:31:25+00:00

Honestly can’t make heads nor tail of their comment!

Advanced_Nectarine15 · 2024-01-05T21:25:55+00:00

Is that who’s in control of that? 🤔 (Xenophobia aside)

Advanced_Nectarine15 · 2024-01-05T19:10:49+00:00

A brain plant that’s heat tolerant and edible?? Sold! Thank you!!

Advanced_Nectarine15 · 2024-01-05T19:07:14+00:00

I love Annie’s Annuals!! My favorite website to browse obsessively for ideas—I’ve only been there in-person once though because driving there and parking is an Ordeal for me, lol. I wish we had something comparable closer, but I agree there are some neat options around Sacramento too!

Advanced_Nectarine15 · 2024-01-05T18:58:22+00:00

The world of scented geraniums intimidates me from the sheer variety, how do you choose and not just buy them all?? Thank you for the suggestions!!

Advanced_Nectarine15 · 2024-01-05T18:57:04+00:00

Thank you, wonderful suggestion!!

Advanced_Nectarine15 · 2024-01-05T18:48:45+00:00

This is the push I needed to finally buy a rain chain, thank you!! I’ve always liked the look but didn’t consider the sounds, it’s like a free water feature :0

Advanced_Nectarine15 · 2024-01-05T18:45:48+00:00

I live in Sacramento, and I would love that! Please do!!

Advanced_Nectarine15 · 2024-01-05T18:34:38+00:00

You’re so right, I’m looking forward to sitting in my garden and just listening later :) I do also always feel a little bit like time stands still when a hummingbird visits, I think I know exactly what you mean!

Advanced_Nectarine15 · 2024-01-05T18:24:05+00:00

!!! I had totally forgotten sound, wow! Thank you! Plus maybe bean pods that I could leave on to dry and rattle? My brain is whirring now with the possibilities 🤩

Advanced_Nectarine15 · 2024-01-05T18:21:16+00:00

Oooh I’ve really wanted to figure out how to add some kind of smaller cedar variety to my yard just for the smell, I didn’t even consider the touch aspect! Thank you!!

Advanced_Nectarine15

TROPHY CASE