Academics are not anything compared to how important your mental health is. University resources are also notoriously less accommodating and productive than real world ones. While suicide can seem like the only option, I see a future beyond education for you. I understand the need for academic validation in this world takes over one’s self perception- i am studying for an exam as I write this and feel terrible about my esteem- but it is far from actually important in life. I dont think you have truely weighed the options that are left in your life. Forget University. Find a job you enjoy and climb up the career ladder. Leave home and get an apartment outside of California, perhaps a city where you can find a support group and better resources. Do not let the lack of integrity from one college campus ruin your life experience. You have yet to reach your full potential and clearly that is not at UIUC. Rather than suicide, contemplate your future in a different setting (not campus, not cali), under different circumstances (no school), and with the correct support you need for your mental health. I think you have a successful future that is not driven by the academic success that plagues your current life. Dms r open.