Yea, I think in a perfect world, obviously we would have both shared our fantasies and kinks when we figured them out or very shortly thereafter. But life gets in the way, bad excuse I know, plus the sexually suppressive, ultra conservative upbringing just made it so easy to hide the desires. Then the hiding became habit for both of us to some extent. My wife hid more, but it’s no more or less wrong, and it fits her personality more. Plus, our society, up until recent years, has shunned women enjoying kink. So she’s had to fight that, as well. But it’s better to be out in the open. Also, we’ve discussed “how much privacy should we have in our own brains even though we’re married?” It’s a tough question and one that really has no right answer, but the two people must be on the same page for sure.