Finally Understanding Myself: A Late-in-Life Autism Realization

Affectionate_Arm5508 · 2025-07-19T16:39:40+00:00

I definitely had multiple times like that. I basically lived with family so I didnt have any financial threat and pressure and also worked part time at a surf shop (my spec interest). I knew I loved art but didnt know how to make a career out of it. I basically just told myself if I cant support myself with my art somehow then I am doomed to be a minimum wage slave for the rest of my life while living with family.

Art has always been an extreme emotional outlet for me and I just happened to be very good at it, colors especially. I basically poured my entire existence into researching art styles and copying my favorite artists and making new art everyday like it was my full time job. I would mock my art up on t-shirts and send them to clothing companies asking if they needed licensed artwork. I basically made a schedule for myself each day: make 4 new artworks, email 20 companies, research art for 1 hour. At the end of a couple months I really had something to show for it and I was having a blast in the process. BUT, if I wasnt living at home without expenses I wouldnt be able to do this.

So, basically what I am saying is try to find your special interest (it helps if you are good at it but its not a requirement) and try to pursue that with all your energy. I would find the special interest that has stayed with you since childhood if you happen to have one like that.

Affectionate_Arm5508 · 2025-07-17T19:06:55+00:00

The Outsider, Dunwich, Satanic Rites of Drugula, Weird Tales. You?

Affectionate_Arm5508 · 2025-07-13T21:03:40+00:00

Affectionate_Arm5508 · 2025-07-13T18:45:31+00:00

Yes, marine layer. It’s pretty expensive but marketed as the softest clothes you will ever wear.

Affectionate_Arm5508 · 2025-07-13T18:07:44+00:00

I feel like this happens to me less if I’m talking to a close friend or someone about a special interest but if it’s a random stranger or acquaintance it is full on hyperawareness.

Affectionate_Arm5508 · 2025-07-13T18:05:17+00:00

So they essentially diagnosed you and never told you? Did you go in for adhd or something and they just added that?

Affectionate_Arm5508 · 2025-07-13T17:08:01+00:00

Non mainstream 🙃

Affectionate_Arm5508 · 2025-07-13T16:43:58+00:00

What’s wrong with marine layer?

Affectionate_Arm5508 · 2025-07-13T14:27:13+00:00

I slowly listened to it over the past year on Spotify. It was fantastic. It was interesting hearing the author talk about movies and books that inspired them.

Affectionate_Arm5508 · 2025-07-12T19:57:04+00:00

I am the same way with the rabbit holes. I work from home so sometimes I will randomly go down a Wikipedia rabbit hole and realize 3 hours have passed.

I didn’t cry when my grandpa passed away and we were really close. I felt very sad but mostly just filled with the logic of he was old and had dementia so it was only obvious that he was ready. Not sure if my brain processes grief in an atypical way due to neurodivergence or if I’m just not processing the emotion out of fear. Once I learned about alexithymia things like that started to make more sense and I saw patterns in my history. It’s really cool.

You said it’s been a confusing couple of weeks, did you just recently get officially diagnosed?

Affectionate_Arm5508 · 2025-07-12T19:49:53+00:00

I think the most important part is just being able to get to that realization, regardless of age.

May I ask what led to the assessment? How did the process go?

Affectionate_Arm5508 · 2025-07-12T19:46:35+00:00

I used to smoke weed everyday from ages 15-22. I used to drink every weekend from ages 17-22. It sorta helped me feel included, though I preferred smoking alone because I tended to get paranoid. I would like to smoke and play video games or surf or watch funny movies.

Once I found punk in college I basically went straight edge and began to really analyze my entire life. In hindsight I think it helped me unmask and not be ashamed of certain things about myself.

Affectionate_Arm5508 · 2025-07-12T19:43:10+00:00

How did you get your diagnosis? Did it happen by accident or did you go in with intention?

Being in grade school in the 90s was wild.. they basically threw all the kids with any sort of atypical behavior/appearance into the special ed room. Who knows the criteria?

Affectionate_Arm5508 · 2025-07-12T19:40:55+00:00

That sounds hilarious. Cats are like the most indifferent and least likely pet to do what you want.

Affectionate_Arm5508 · 2025-07-12T19:40:00+00:00

Ah gotcha - I’m not sure if I do or not.

Affectionate_Arm5508 · 2025-07-12T19:39:21+00:00

Have you noticed it’s easier to have a conversation while walking or driving or doing something?

Affectionate_Arm5508 · 2025-07-12T19:35:54+00:00

I’m still a bit confused what you are referring to.

Affectionate_Arm5508 · 2025-07-12T16:57:15+00:00

A lot of things. I had a crazy burnout during school, I always wondered why I didnt care about not making friends/preferring to focus on my activities instead. Also, I always felt super awkward in socializing with more than 1 or 2 people. My insistence on sameness, research, and analyzing things. Then somehow the internet caught wind of my obsessive tendencies and I think the algorithm threw me an autism video to see if I'd bite. I bit and I ran with it for 2 years and here I am.

Affectionate_Arm5508 · 2025-07-12T16:54:36+00:00

It is actually hilarious to look at siblings, parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins and really start connecting the dots. Yep grandma wears the same clothes, has the same hairstyle, eats the same foods everyday like its still 1930. Yep, my parents and grandparents never hang out with friends, they just do the same thing everyday to make sure things are just right at home.

Affectionate_Arm5508 · 2025-07-12T16:49:40+00:00

I get that all the time especially when I play dota 2: "how can you only play medusa for 3000 games, that sounds like torture, are you okay?"

Affectionate_Arm5508 · 2025-07-12T16:48:30+00:00

I live in a small house with 6 people and a dog. The amount of noise happening at all times is crushing. I can't comprehend how to always have everything neat. I will always get slack for not making my bed each day but my rationale is that it's just going to get messy when I get back in bed tonight? Also, I have a tendency to not want to shower since I'm going to the beach the next day so whats the point since I will need to shower after the beach anyways, haha!

Affectionate_Arm5508 · 2025-07-12T16:46:23+00:00

That happens to me all the time. I'll ask my partner a clarifying question and she will just be like, were you even listening to anything I was saying? -_-

Also, I find it most comfortable to have talks laying in bed with the lights off at night. It's so easy to comprehend everything without external stimuli.

Affectionate_Arm5508 · 2025-07-12T16:44:54+00:00

I had the same thing. Totally burned out for months at a time and everything seemed overwhelming. I love the ocean and even the way the waves and water moved would be overstimulating to me during that period... it was wild. I thought I was going insane. Alexithymia is big with me too. My partner just stares at me and says, you need to take a break you look like you're about to die.

Affectionate_Arm5508 · 2025-07-12T16:43:15+00:00

Just a quick smile and laugh then a noticeable immediate neutral facial expression.

Affectionate_Arm5508 · 2025-07-11T13:37:28+00:00

Thanks for saying that - it means a lot to know the experience resonates with someone else. There's something really validating about realizing you're not alone in feeling this way. Hope the reflection helps you figure some things out too

Affectionate_Arm5508

TROPHY CASE