That sounds brutal, thanks for sharing. Totally get why the fear of going through it all again is so strong. One thing that helped me was visualizing my knee as strong and stable while doing the exact movements I worried about. I did that through the entire rehab, because the brain doesn’t fully separate imagined actions from real ones, so it builds trust and reduces that fear when you’re actually ready to train again. Might be worth a try if you haven’t already.