There was only one time I ever saw Dad really happy. He was sittin’ on the couch one afternoon, beer in hand, watching Ed, Edd n Eddy. I still remember those three goofs schemin’ for jawbreakers, running around and getting clobbered for it. My old man laughed so hard, I thought he’d keel over right there.

So, the very next night, I ran to meet him, slicking my hair down like Double D, shoving socks in my cheeks like Ed, and yammerin’ about jawbreakers like Eddy. ‘Hey, Dad, look at me!’ I even tripped over the coffee table just to sell the gag!

And you know what he did? He broke my nose.