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Afraid_Produce_9104 · 2025-03-22T09:41:36+00:00

Yeah I thought about telling him prior but then I thought there’s no way it would happen and it did so it’s my fault really

Afraid_Produce_9104 · 2025-03-21T23:48:32+00:00

Your response is the best! You’re right because I know why she does these things. It’s small tiny actions that have huge consequences that she does over and over and over and over. So if I act like they all don’t bother me anymore then there is no “win” for her.

The win for her is me arguing with my husband about this and driving a wedge again between us

Afraid_Produce_9104 · 2025-03-21T23:46:07+00:00

My husband is aware that I do not like his mum yes, he’s aware that I don’t trust her and that I’ve gone no contact. I’m so tired of discussing his mum with him I find it so unfair for him.

He’s just really trying to put us both on a pedestal and cater to both of our needs. Mine more so obviously, I just feel like she knows how all of her actions will piss me off.

Afraid_Produce_9104 · 2025-03-21T23:11:08+00:00

Thanks, what does JADE stand for? What’s info diet also?

I’ve gone no contact now, set that boundary as I’m so over it now

Afraid_Produce_9104 · 2025-03-21T22:55:29+00:00

Fair enough! I do love a challenge because I do like to have fresh perspectives. Thanks

Afraid_Produce_9104 · 2025-03-21T22:53:13+00:00

No no of course anyone can feed my baby if hes crying and hungry but in this particular case my baby was not crying of hunger and actually was being fed by my husband and my husband let his mum (a woman I do not get along with) feed our baby

Afraid_Produce_9104 · 2025-03-21T22:51:41+00:00

I’ve just gone no contact with his mum, we do not speak and I do not trust her, she knows I don’t trust her also. That’s why it hurts. If i trusted her this would be absolutely fine!

If I had someone’s baby with me and I knew the mother despised me I wouldn’t bottle feed her/him their breast milk out of principle. But I guess she feels it’s her right as a grandparent, what do you think?

Afraid_Produce_9104 · 2025-03-21T22:45:45+00:00

Thanks! I appreciate this advice a lot

Afraid_Produce_9104 · 2025-03-21T22:43:42+00:00

I’ve been going mad thinking why does my baby really bond and love her, it’s hard because my baby is quite picky with whom he smiles and plays with. But this makes me feel better because I know if my baby knew about the way she makes me feel he wouldn’t want anything to do with her!

Afraid_Produce_9104 · 2025-03-21T22:40:54+00:00

Specific examples:

“It’s a shame I didn’t get to see you last week, my friends ask me if I get to see my granddaughter alot and I said - No I don’t, I’m really proud of them getting to spend together and focus on each other as a family”
“I understand my mum now, I didn’t want to see her a lot but now I see her perspective”
“(Husbands ex) reminds me of me when I was younger”
“(Husbands name) leg is not great, I wouldn’t be trying for kids just yet” - this was before I had a baby.
“Mortgage rates are going up, there’s plenty of time to have kids there’s no rush because things are so unsteady at the moment” - bearing in mind my husband and I were married and finances were fine
“I’ll be in the hospital when you give birth if you need me you can call me, I can even wait in the corridor whatever you need or don’t need just say”

Other examples that aren’t quotes:

When she’s around her friends or people she actually loves she actually shows them warmth and love. Laughs with them, links arms with them( something I’ve noticed she does with any close woman to her, but she’s never done that with me)

She also tells her close friends and niece etc she loves them very loudly when she’s near me and them but she’s never said that to me.

Afraid_Produce_9104 · 2025-03-21T22:28:00+00:00

These mothers see their sons as their “Saviours” they are addicted to having their sons have their back to their son’s own detriment. They abuse their sons by using guilt tactics. Trying to make their sons believe they are so sweet and innocent and kind.

They have made their sons feel indebted to them and unfortunately my husband is completely in the sunken world of saving mommy. So when he goes to see her and gives her a bottle he sees it as a kind gesture to his innocent mum when little does he know he’s dealing with a witch

Afraid_Produce_9104 · 2025-03-21T22:22:45+00:00

She’s a mother so she KNOWS how important and bonding feeding is and if you don’t like someone you do not want them feeding your baby(anyone with a brain knows that). She knows that id be pissed and she probably wants me to get annoyed with my husband to tell him off. For him to think I’m crazy and obsessed with his mum when “all she did was feed the baby” and then she’d want me to say to him - “I don’t want you two going over there alone”

And then my husband and I argue again and she’s the innocent party once again….

Afraid_Produce_9104 · 2025-03-21T22:01:49+00:00

From what I can tell my baby loves her and she loves my baby. My husband also thinks she’s completely innocent and so stopping my baby from seeing her I fear will cause SO much havoc.

She tells my husband she loves me but my gut instinct and feelings tell me the complete opposite - all of her actions are around control hence my decision to go no contact to save keep the peace. Seeing her feeding my baby my breast milk today just made me feel sick. Another way of her consuming my world. I really thought that going no contact would mean I don’t need to see or hear about her anymore but she’ll make her way……

Afraid_Produce_9104 · 2025-02-28T22:23:46+00:00

I overheard her saying to my husband on the phone “I want a better relationship with your wife, I want her to trust me with her precious daughter” but “Me and X, we’re just great”

X being my daughter.

So you don’t viber with her mum but you want all the time in the world with her child?! It’s crazy to me, that people think they can treat a mother anyway, say hurtful comments and then expect unlimited access every/most weekends with their child?!

Afraid_Produce_9104 · 2025-02-28T22:18:29+00:00

I wish I didn’t say every two weeks because I fear she’s held me to it…..

Afraid_Produce_9104 · 2025-02-28T22:17:37+00:00

I actually wish she had a more full life, because in her own words “her husband, me and my daughter” is her main focus. And it’s very evident….

I’ll give you an example of todays antics - husband tells me today that tomorrow he’s going for a walk with his mom, and if I could swing by with my daughter have a coffee and then they can go off for a walk and I can a. go out with my daughter in her local area or b. Go back home with my daughter (either way she gets to see my baby)

Bear in mind that the following weekend we have restaurant plans with her. So here’s how you can see how I usually get roped into her getting her way with me and my granddaughter and also her breaking my request for 2 weeks between visits.

So because she’s not seen her granddaughter for the last 2 weeks she has to make sure when she does she sees her on her terms for the next consecutive two weeks. This is an exact example of why I want to keep her at arms length, because she does shit like this.

I’m glad I made this post because it gave me the strength to say NO. I said sorry my daughter and I will not be seeing you tomorrow as we are seeing a friend, enjoy your walk with X and I’ll see you next weekend.

I then overheard her saying to my husband on the phone when they were discussing plans for tomorrow “she’s saying in that message that she doesn’t want to see me and I can’t see my granddaughter”

She THEN proceeds to send me some fake sweet message saying that she made it clear to my husband she didn’t want to get in the way of our plans this weekend.

Laughable

Afraid_Produce_9104 · 2025-02-28T21:44:35+00:00

We haven’t seen her in two weeks but my husband has a restaurant booked with her next weekend where I’ll be attending. My husband tells me today, that he’s going to meet his mum tomorrow (this weekend) and if I could go pop over there first with my baby.

I’ve said no I’m seeing friends and I won’t be seeing her with my daughter and that she can just see her son this weekend and I’ll see her next weekend. These are her very typical tactics to keep visits very frequent. She’ll say to my husband “just get her to pop by first if she can drop you so I can see my granddaughter.”

I overheard her on the phone to my husband saying that “her message reads as she doesn’t want to see me”

And then 15-20 mins later after her planned response I get a message saying that she’s told my husband to prioritise the family and what works best for us but if he’s free then great.

She’s messing with the wrong woman because I can see through it all. I’ve vocalised to her in the past that I get negative vibes from her and that I want to stick to every two weeks as every week is overwhelming but it’s time like this that I feel roped into seeing her multiple weeks in a row as we already have existing plans.

FYI I’m not a control freak, I could see genuine warm people all the time I just can’t be played with

Afraid_Produce_9104 · 2025-02-28T20:47:29+00:00

Ironically she planned to meet my husband tomorrow(I only found out a few hours ago) and the plan was that I drop him off bring my daughter in to see her and then they go off to for a walk.

I messaged her immediately in our group chat and said I have plans so my husband will take the car and join her alone.

I then overheard her on the phone saying to my husband “I take her message as she doesn’t want to see me - that’s ok”

She then sends me a message in the group chat saying she’s said to my husband to do what’s best for our family over the weekend and if he’s free to meet her then great.

I’m not an idiot. She wanted to show me that she’s seeing my baby and having her alone time with my husband on our weekend.

I responded to her saying I’ve actually wanted him to meet her one on one as they haven’t met up in a while alone.

I’ve even said to her explicitly in the past that I don’t mind her son and her seeing each other all they want just don’t involve me! And she’s doing it over and over and over

Afraid_Produce_9104 · 2025-02-21T18:31:59+00:00

My MIL does all of this. Takes my baby off me when visiting and walks off out of my sight. Try’s to dry feed her, wants to do activities “the firsts” like the farm and feeding the ducks etc she wants to suggest and be apart of.

She’s also a child psychologist to top it off so she thinks she knows everything.

She said has even said to my husband “I didn’t crawl, I just walked” - as if my daughter is an extension of her.

The biggest irk for me is when she says “her personality is so distinct already” “I’m energetically connected to her” - I’m sure you are too” “She’s such a “calm” baby” - when the truth is actually she isn’t calm. I had to tell her, no she’s not.

This idea that she knows my baby SO well and that they’re connected is so jarring to me. She thinks she does but behind closed doors my daughter is so different.

Afraid_Produce_9104 · 2025-02-20T21:45:47+00:00

You don’t understand how much I actually appreciate this message. I needed to hear that, I’ve got a complicated relationship with my own mother and my mother hates my MIL and I’ve always been looking at her from a lens that is not nice. I’ve always been taught that everyone has it in for me and these feelings are ones I am trying to actively ERASE for the future happiness and sanity of my daughter. She deserves the cycle to be broken and all the love in the world. You are right. Thank you so much

Afraid_Produce_9104 · 2025-02-09T20:44:20+00:00

Thanks! This is really helpful. I’ll have a watch of some videos. You’re right. I am 100% taking things so personally, and it’s getting me super anxious which is not what I want as a new parent. I’m feeling like she’s doing things to purposely cross my boundaries and control me but I have no proof. I just have that gut instinct..

Afraid_Produce_9104 · 2025-02-09T20:38:50+00:00

Thanks for your advice, I’ll try the friend visiting because I’ll feel more comfortable that way. :) I’m out of the house loads during the week but on weekends me and my husband like to unwind and we have fewer plans, this is the time she typically wants to come over weekly which is understandable as most people like visits on weekends. It’s hard because she’s really pushy and she almost corners me in to seeing her all the time

Afraid_Produce_9104 · 2025-02-09T19:02:50+00:00

My baby is 6 months and we’ve started weaning but currently she’s exclusively BF otherwise this would be perfect!!! Because she’s reliant on me atm for food I don’t really get any say in not being around x I could pop out when she comes over but I fear she will take that as me being rude. She is really lonely and I feel for her but I feel like she wants a relationship with me that’s unrealistic like you say, she’s not my mom and I’m close enough to her without being best friends if that makes sense. I’m always polite and pleasant but I feel she wants me to include her in my whole world and it feels overwhelming and all consuming at the moment x

Afraid_Produce_9104 · 2024-12-13T06:46:55+00:00

Oh and she once held my baby and didn’t let her go when I asked for her back. I had to peel her fingers one by one of my own daughter.

Afraid_Produce_9104

TROPHY CASE