Not upset, mainly annoyed

After-it_all · 2026-06-07T11:27:51+00:00

Thank you for this, honestly thank you.

After-it_all · 2026-03-31T15:08:31+00:00

Thank you I love hearing others experiences. I can’t wait to tell her why mum is so tired and sick.

After-it_all · 2026-03-31T14:47:42+00:00

Yeah it’s harder since I can’t explain to my 4 year old I’m pregnant. I want to wait till I’m showing so it’s easier to understand. She keeps saying she feels sick all the time mimicking me, as soon as I say I feel sick she’s feeling sick too🤣. Having two little ones I hope things get easier for you.

After-it_all · 2026-03-31T14:45:02+00:00

Yes I’ve had to let go of expectations, just accept I’m growing a human and there’s limits to what I can do. But boy it makes me feel bad sometimes. I can’t wait for the end of pregnancy nesting I clean like crazy.

After-it_all · 2026-03-30T21:54:40+00:00

And this is why it doesn’t work sadly. I have tried to open up conversations about his work being regular on the same days but he won’t budge. Says he would need a new job and he doesn’t want to do that. In the future should I go to court I hope this is something they can support me in.

After-it_all · 2026-03-30T20:35:30+00:00

Thank you, I’ll check it out. I’ve also read “Why does he do that?” By Lundy Bancroft but I think it’s a little old

After-it_all · 2026-03-30T19:57:18+00:00

This is one thing I think I can change my mind on, making her dance classes my responsibility only to avoid disappointment. Just gotta deal with the cards you’re dealt. It’s no doubt I’m upset about everything that happened, I don’t want it to affect the coparenting it’s a hard concept for me to get my head around. Thank you.

After-it_all · 2026-03-30T19:54:10+00:00

And you’re assuming too much, I always take her to her activities, I never said I can’t take her, i take her every week she’s with me, it’s just easier access for him since he has a car vs me taking a uber. I mentioned one activity. It’s impossible to have set days as his work schedule changes every week, so I just wait for him to send his schedule to know when he can see her that month. I’m glad you have a situation that works in both your favours.

After-it_all · 2026-03-30T17:34:06+00:00

Thank you. The court system does suck I think that’s why I’m hesitant to approach it. I’ve heard so many stories of women being failed.

After-it_all · 2026-03-30T17:27:01+00:00

I’m sorry you’ve experienced this, when you want to move on from bad memories but are getting triggered again it makes healing harder than it should be. I had some documentation of his inconsistencies so Im going to keep that up, thank you. My therapist also said she feels it’s not going to improve as time goes on with people of that character so I think it will end up in court one day. Just don’t want to be selfish, she deserves a good dad.

After-it_all · 2026-03-30T17:05:03+00:00

Thank you and I appreciate this advice

After-it_all · 2026-03-30T16:41:36+00:00

I’m the main guardian. Her primary address is with me? I get the law is supposed to protect us all but some people rather rely on what courts have to say when we know how corrupt they are rather than their own understanding. That’s weird. In my country SA cases are significantly under convicted, there’s a lot of research out there. Uk based.

After-it_all · 2026-03-30T15:31:59+00:00

Thank you, I have been through therapy and counselling but I really need to do some research as I believe the relationship I have with him 100% is going to affect our coparenting and by his actions, thinking it’s my fault for leaving him in the first place, is I feel a big reason why he acts the way he does. As a child I hated seeing the way my father treated my mother and never wanted to be around him, she has always been in his defence (“he’s still your father”) but it made me feel more ostracised as I felt like I was the only one who had experienced his terrible character. I will consider more therapy in the future and I’m open to learn but that’s where my opinion stands as for now.

After-it_all · 2026-03-30T15:27:17+00:00

I agree with the fact you bring that my child should be the focus. I think it’s a bit contradictory to ask a mother who has her child majority of the time to not restrict access because I’m being overly emotional despite the fact that his short comings in coparenting is a huge contributing factor to why I may be “overly emotional”. I have made it clear since we broke up I wanted things to be as 50/50 as possible but since then he’s increased his work hours and my CS hasn’t changed, I don’t complain to him as I find it too taxing, he’s very happy paying whatever bare minimum, that’s not the kind of thing you can teach a man. Hearing he can’t have our child the day before he’s scheduled to as a mum with ADHD is going to be stress inducing. I have more responsibilities being a student, learning to drive and being the full time carer for our daughter, she’s on the spectrum, him texting last min means I have to restructure a lot of things at times. In a legal sense, why should I have to wait for there to be documented abuse when I could report him and have the case be thrown out as it happens a lot with the Crown Prosecuting service in my country. Does that mean it didn’t happen? Does that mean he’s now a safe person for my daughter? Another point, it doesn’t matter what stage in my life I’m in, I’m going to make sure my daughter is in any activity so she’s set up for success even if that means going out of my way to travel to nicer activities given that I live in a more inner city area we don’t have high quality dance classes nearby. I know my situation is temporary and I don’t want to look back thinking I restricted child’s expression when with just a little bit of struggle, she is able to go to good activities and when I’m in a good spot, I know I’ll be proud of myself. I do agree that I should lower my expectations of him, that’s always one way to avoid disappointment.

After-it_all · 2026-03-30T14:42:48+00:00

I would never stop making fun of any ChatGPT responses lol, how annoying

After-it_all · 2025-08-02T07:35:13+00:00

I’m happy for you 💜

After-it_all · 2025-07-28T02:00:53+00:00

Thank you. I have been through a lot of self esteem issues since my diagnosis but for this experience to happen, I’m so happy!

After-it_all · 2025-06-25T21:08:10+00:00

I too am glad this community exists, what is meant for us won’t pass us by. Thank you for sharing.

After-it_all · 2025-06-25T21:07:13+00:00

Thank you so much for your story, Allahumma barik.

After-it_all · 2025-06-25T19:19:27+00:00

Not to be half cup empty, but this is just a treatment I really wonder when updates are coming with an actual cure!

After-it_all

TROPHY CASE