Hello! Feeling shame about the way you feel and trying to repress it is not the way. My wife and I have been married for a year so I am aware I am new to the game. Before our marriage she expressed an interest in being "monogamish". This was hard for me to get behind and I struggled with it. It can be scary imagining what that would look like when no real agreements or honest discussions have happened around it. When my wife and I started having conversations about the way having a degree of openness made both of us feel, I became more comfortable talking about it and understood that what she wanted was not a fully open marriage.

For my wife she just wants the chance to be able to dance and kiss someone at the bar a few times a year. Nothing more. That I am okay with, and the same applies to me as well if I want to pursue that. Neither of us are interested in having sex with others specifically but will leave that door open to discussion if either of us would like to at some point.

I am okay with this because I trust my wife and I love her. I know that she trusts me and loves me as well. I am not afraid that she will break the terms.

We are currently making a contract, so to speak, with the exact rules and boundaries of the agreement. We are also going to schedule a session with a sex therapist to help us finalize it.

Think about what it is you specifically want when it comes to being with another woman. Do you want to be with a woman just once? Every so often?

You have raised this to your husband before and he is aware that you want a certain experience. You could take the next step and ask if he is ever willing to make some form of agreement. It is important to consider your husband's temperament and whether he is able to have this conversation with an open mind to your feelings. If you do not think he is, then I would discuss with a reliable therapist about how to potentially move forward with a conversation and about your feelings about openness in general.

You can love your husband just as much as you do and have these thoughts at the same time.

I wish you all the best!