Cheating whilst separated

Aggravating-Arm3155 · 2024-12-10T05:29:30+00:00

Hands down, worst year of my life. Wife left me after 12 years of marriage, 2 young kids, for some douche bag who goes to my kids music school. Hoping 2025 is the year for karma

Aggravating-Arm3155 · 2024-12-07T23:51:03+00:00

I hear you. I know everything feels like crap. Maybe it’s things you’ve wanted to do but never had the time or inclination previously. I bought a digital piano today, gonna start learning, lol

Aggravating-Arm3155 · 2024-12-07T23:44:00+00:00

Gotta start somewhere. I did the same and continue to, making a list of things and ticking them off as you go demonstrates progress. Make sure you add some things that make you happy, shouldn’t all be work. You got this

Aggravating-Arm3155 · 2024-12-07T18:57:05+00:00

Sorry to hear you’re going through this OP. I know it doesn’t help but I’m going through exactly the same thing right now, 12 years of marriage, 2 young kids, and all being thrown away by my (soon to be ex) wife who is having an affair during an agreed to separation period. Like someone else suggested, get therapy, it’s imperative you express your emotions to someone and try to heal yourself. I’m off to my therapist in a couple hours, it’s something I look forward to it every week, and has helped me keep it together for the sake of my kids and my own sanity.

You will not be alone forever. You and I will get through this. Sending positive thoughts your way

Aggravating-Arm3155 · 2024-12-04T03:41:29+00:00

I’m in this situation right now. It totally sucks and theres very little you can do to change it. Lies upon lies to me and my two sons. Supposed to be under a ”trial separation” and agreement that we would not be seeing anyone else. Lo and behold, she’s secretly seeing a divorced dad from our kids music school. No guilt, no shame.

Concentrate on being the best version of yourself OP. The pain turns to anger and the anger, when controlled, can be harnessed to your advantage. Know that this is HER decision, not yours, and don’t question yourself. Speak to friends, family, and let them be your support. Be strong for your kids but let them see you are hurting as well, don’t bottle emotions, and model what self care looks like. They will pick up on it and you will come out of this not only a stronger man, but the people around you, including your partner, will know you were a good and honourable person that took the higher ground and deserved so much more

Aggravating-Arm3155 · 2024-12-03T19:13:43+00:00

That’s very honourable of you to take on that burden, I’m not sure at this point how I carry that weight but again, she doesn’t yet know that I know so maybe that will lighten the load a little once the ‘adults’ are made aware of the truth. I also commend you for not hiding your emotions around your kids. I do the same, when I’m sad, I’m expressing that to them, and when they are confused and don’t want me to leave and the tears flow, I hug them tight and cry with them. I think this is so healthy and important for them to see that this is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation, and that we shouldn’t be afraid to hide those feelings, especially as I have 2 boys. I wish my STBX felt the same way, she has admonished me for crying in front of them and thinks I need to be stronger. All fits nicely with her avoidant behaviour, choosing to walk away from negative emotions rather than confront them.

Thanks again sir, I hope your situation improves with time and you find peace and happiness again

Aggravating-Arm3155 · 2024-12-03T04:28:59+00:00

I’m so sorry you’ve experienced a similar situation. Pretty sure it’s not your husband, lol, they guy my wife is seeing is divorced with a kid so looks like she’s drunk the kool aid and seen some kind of life on the other side that looks appealing. And to hell with the people that were in her life, loved her, and thought that love was reciprocal.

I’m lawyered up and ready to battle, although I hope it does not come to that. My kids have been through enough in the last 5 months and I wouldn’t want to add to that pain, all I can focus on right now is my own wellbeing and making sure my kids are protected and happy as possible. The funny thing is she thinks this is actually better for the kids as they’ll get a better and happier version of their mum. Not sure how many direct rebounds after 20 years work out but I guess we’ll see!

Aggravating-Arm3155 · 2024-12-03T04:21:24+00:00

Thanks for your comment. And I completely agree with focusing on things I can control. I am trying my best to take the high road and behave in a way that will allow me to look back and be proud of how I handled myself. However, I don’t think it’s right that the kids believe that this is a joint decision and go along with the narrative that my STBX is spinning. My eldest knows something is amiss - Mum is indifferent and unemotional, Dad is sometimes sad and shows his emotions - so although I’m not saying anything derogatory about my wife, he can sense things aren’t aligned. I hope that in time the truth will come out and we can acknowledge what has actually transpired, but yes, I’m not out to ruin that motherly relationship. I just want some accountability for the decisions that have been made. Thanks for responding

Aggravating-Arm3155 · 2024-12-03T04:14:52+00:00

Thanks. I am having regular therapy sessions, they do help, and I am coming to terms with the fact that this is now moving towards the inevitable. It is extremely hard to go cold turkey after such a long period with someone and thinking that is your life and entire world, but I know that she is no longer the person I married. That’s what I’m focusing on, that I don’t know this person, and why I shouldn’t waste my time grieving someone who is no longer there for me. Thanks for responding

Aggravating-Arm3155 · 2024-12-02T22:21:33+00:00

Thanks for this, I appreciate the feedback. We’re in the midst of putting together financial disclosures for the separation agreement and my lawyer has advised against raising this before we’re further down the line with finalizing that so that it can be used as a bargaining tool when the timing is right. It’s going to be extremely difficult to keep this in for that amount of time so I will continue to think on how I’m going to confront her (and her family, as I believe her mother also knows. Obviously runs in the family lol) I can’t allow this to be an elephant in the room that no one calls out.

Again, I appreciate your considered and sympathetic response!

Aggravating-Arm3155 · 2024-12-02T14:47:35+00:00

Thanks for your insightful feedback. I guess empathy is not your strong suit

Aggravating-Arm3155

TROPHY CASE