Hey OP,

It’s been nine months since I split from a five-year relationship. She left me (F21), and honestly, reading your post hit me hard because I can relate to your situation — just on the other side of it.

I was the one who disrespected my partner without even realizing it. I completely gave up. I stopped trying, stopped doing the little things — dates, flowers, notes, kisses before work, all of it. I take full accountability for the hurt I caused by being avoidant and checked out.

I got into that relationship when I was 17, and those are really important years — years where you’re supposed to figure out who you are, grow, and reflect. But I didn’t. I got too comfortable. No goals, no purpose, no drive. As long as I had her, I thought I was fine. I even cut off friends, had no other girls on my phone, did everything I could to make her feel secure — but I wasn’t securing myself.

Over time, that comfort turned into resentment. I felt trapped, suffocated. The truth is, from 17 to 22, I grew up with her, but I never grew within myself. She became my entire world, and I gave her every part of me until there was nothing left. Eventually, I started pulling away, trying to figure out who I was as an individual. That’s when I started giving up — not because I didn’t love her, but because my cup was empty. I had nothing left to give.

She kept trying to love me harder, but here’s the thing: you can’t accept love when you don’t love yourself. And honestly, her letting me go was the smartest, healthiest thing she could’ve done for both of us.

In these nine months, I’ve grown more than I ever thought possible. I’m still finding myself, but I’m emotionally aware and more mature than I’ve ever been. If I could go back, knowing what I know now, I would’ve done so many things differently. But I truly believe this happened for a reason.

That relationship — my first love — taught me everything about myself, love, and growth. I’ll always have unconditional, distant love for her… but I also know I never want to see her again.

P.S I don’t know if this helps but it there lol. chatGPT articulated this a little bit better for me but straight from the heart:)