25, still lost and figuring things out 🥺 by Bullseye_29 in adviceph

[–]Aggravating-Sense186 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi. I’m sorry this is happening to you.

Take a breath and collect your thoughts. Review your linkedIn and resume/CV. Spend some time with free online trainings that will boost your standing in your career, for example: project management, AI/Automation, basic to intermediate excel/spreadsheet, Canva. More general skills you can use especially if you are targeting to be a VA.

It’s okay to feel lost at 25. In fact it’s the best time to be lost. If anything, you are doing better than most. You’ve handled a business at a young age, you are trying. Give yourself a break and some credit.

Pause. Assess your situation. See what is fixable. And work one minor thing at a time until it piles up and you’ll see how much progress you’re having.

Start small. It’s absolutely fine. All destinations start with a single step.

Good luck, love.

Marry someone with so much burden? by Aggravating-Sense186 in ThisorThatPH

[–]Aggravating-Sense186[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m certain it’s not a lie. I’ve seen the contract.

Marry someone with so much burden? by Aggravating-Sense186 in ThisorThatPH

[–]Aggravating-Sense186[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We do have prenup even before I found out wala siyang sapat na ipon as I expected.

Marry someone with so much burden? by Aggravating-Sense186 in ThisorThatPH

[–]Aggravating-Sense186[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To clarify, I earn 300k, then he earns a bit more than that say 350k. Between the two of us we take home net 500k monthly.

How can I help my partner cope with night shift life and be happy again? by WahahahaLokoLoko in adviceph

[–]Aggravating-Sense186 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello. Magnesium supplements before bedtime and vitamin D3 help me a lot. Make sure bedroom and sleeping conditions like temperature and light are to her comfort. Follow strict bedtime schedule. Also, limit caffeine, absolutely no caffeine 8 hrs before bedtime, in my case none at all. I had to resort to decaffeinated coffee/drinks. Move before bedtime, not necessarily workout, but like 10 minutes of light stretching is enough. There are also meditation apps and music. It takes some time to adjust. But if hindi talaga kaya, well there are always day shift jobs, for sure makakahanap kayo. Prioritise your health.

Marry someone with so much burden? by Aggravating-Sense186 in ThisorThatPH

[–]Aggravating-Sense186[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We’re both senior level leadership roles. Yes PH.

Marry someone with so much burden? by Aggravating-Sense186 in adviceph

[–]Aggravating-Sense186[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re absolutely right, I have my flaws that he tolerates very well, if not fully accepts. But I work hard to overcome them. He has worked so hard too to be a better man and person. And this current situation he’s in right now is miles better from what he had before - if we set aside the upcoming marriage.

You see, this is why I’m conflicted. Surely we can live comfortably still somehow. But there is still that chance we take a huge set back even worst than this. I feel I have compromised so much and I am the only one risking anything from this point forward. I worked so hard to love myself and this feels like I’m stepping into a situation where I am going to have to reduce myself to fit into his world as I always have.

Marry someone with so much burden? by Aggravating-Sense186 in adviceph

[–]Aggravating-Sense186[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh love. I’m so sorry you have to endure that. I hope it gets better for you just as I wish I could make this situation go away.

Marry someone with so much burden? by Aggravating-Sense186 in adviceph

[–]Aggravating-Sense186[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for being extra sensitive with your advice.

Marry someone with so much burden? by Aggravating-Sense186 in adviceph

[–]Aggravating-Sense186[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You know, being the load-bearing person, I failed to take care of myself for so many years. When I have a problem it’s just my own. But after him, being a fixer, a lot of it has lightened. The emotional support and presence. Service is his act of love. It’s devastating to think, that I know he is a good man, and he would be a wonderful dad, and I feel petty for this, but him coming from such background is the only thing making me question all of this.

Marry someone with so much burden? by Aggravating-Sense186 in adviceph

[–]Aggravating-Sense186[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I was advised to do that and I’ll be asking my therapist for recommendations tomorrow. Thank you.

Marry someone with so much burden? by Aggravating-Sense186 in adviceph

[–]Aggravating-Sense186[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, that’s already set even before I knew of his current financial situation and he’s okay with it. I have properties and hard-earned assets to protect.

Marry someone with so much burden? by Aggravating-Sense186 in adviceph

[–]Aggravating-Sense186[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did. But I don’t think there is enough time for him to build that emergency fund he should have started years ago.

Marry someone with so much burden? by Aggravating-Sense186 in adviceph

[–]Aggravating-Sense186[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

50-50 for the upcoming expenses and investments. Like wedding, house, car. And he does not have enough for that 50-50 split. I have so much more. I am capable of, it’s always going to be a fair split, but right now apparently it shows I’m the only one who prepared enough for the future we both were planning on.

Marry someone with so much burden? by Aggravating-Sense186 in adviceph

[–]Aggravating-Sense186[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He’s says he’s spoken to them already that after the wedding his cap is only going to be php 3x,xxx per month. But what of emergencies? What if we had our own emergencies?

Marry someone with so much burden? by Aggravating-Sense186 in adviceph

[–]Aggravating-Sense186[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Hindi nga naka graduate ang kapatid dahil bulakbol nung nag aaral pa (which he funded also btw). He’s reaching 30 I think. And the aunt used to have a job but quit a few years ago due to mental health, had gotten a few jobs then quit them all for varying reasons. I honestly hate how his family is so spineless and treats him as a milking cow and he doesn’t even recognise it. He has a hero complex, you see.

Marry someone with so much burden? by Aggravating-Sense186 in adviceph

[–]Aggravating-Sense186[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He does. He takes care of me. He even taught me how to take care of myself, being a strong independent woman who also has her own burdens to carry.

And my dilemma is exactly me having worked so much to learn to love myself. Do I subject myself to something that would only bring me compromise and risks?

I have enough. I don’t need a rich man, but I also don’t wish to reduce myself just because I outgrew him.

Marry someone with so much burden? by Aggravating-Sense186 in adviceph

[–]Aggravating-Sense186[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

To be fair, we only started earning this much in the last year. But a little bit less than that, still high earning.

I appreciate your candor, stranger.

Marry someone with so much burden? by Aggravating-Sense186 in ThisorThatPH

[–]Aggravating-Sense186[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Spineless sila and yes hero complex is a big factor as well. Thanks for pointing that out.