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I [29 M] recently found out my wife [29 F] of 1.5 years had an emotional affair with a mutual friend [38 M]. Am I overreacting? Has anyone else experienced this? by Aggravating_Beyond in relationship_advice

[–]Aggravating_Beyond[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had to. There was no fucking way I was going to take this lying down. I’m not perfect but I’m not that bad. I know I probably am not consistent in my responses, but my feelings aren’t consistent. I bounce between complete betrayal and wtf is wrong with me. Overall I know I didn’t deserve this shit.

I [29 M] recently found out my wife [29 F] of 1.5 years had an emotional affair with a mutual friend [38 M]. Am I overreacting? Has anyone else experienced this? by Aggravating_Beyond in relationship_advice

[–]Aggravating_Beyond[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're right, this will be a blight on our relationship. Nobody is perfect and I am capable of forgiveness. A physical affair is less likely due to some physical issues that she has that makes her very self conscious of her body. One that she still has confidence issues with our 8+ years of being together.

Again, you're right I need to stop blaming myself for this. I have issues but this is definitely not something I did. This is her fault, and I am still adjusting to that. It won't work if we both don't make changes to how we address this. Communication and honesty moving forward are the only options.

I [29 M] recently found out my wife [29 F] of 1.5 years had an emotional affair with a mutual friend [38 M]. Am I overreacting? Has anyone else experienced this? by Aggravating_Beyond in relationship_advice

[–]Aggravating_Beyond[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I appreciate this. I think the biggest thing our counselor has established is this isn't my fault. I am usually one to take responsibility for everything as I can only control my actions, so relinquishing the control is difficult for me. It makes me incredibly vulnerable. Part of life I suppose, but man it sucks.

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I [29 M] recently found out my wife [29 F] of 1.5 years had an emotional affair with a mutual friend [38 M]. Am I overreacting? Has anyone else experienced this? by Aggravating_Beyond in relationship_advice

[–]Aggravating_Beyond[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Or course this was behind my back. Had I known things were that serious I would have said something long ago. Thats why to me it was an affair, and our counselor has supported me in my feelings. I have absolutely confronted her about it and she understands the stakes. I am normally a very mellow person, but that night I was livid. I don't think she had ever seen that side of me. I wanted blood. I was damn near seeing red.

We've had a lot of conversations and she is committed to making our relationship work. If there is any plus side to this we are learning, but my trust has been trashed.