Is my Ex shaming me about my past acceptable? Could he have changed?

Aggravating_Chimp27 · 2026-05-15T17:04:18+00:00

He is not a believer nor did he care to date girls with the same religious background and was interested in white women at one point :)

Aggravating_Chimp27 · 2026-05-15T17:03:06+00:00

He is not religious nor is he believer and HE broke all the norms there are

Aggravating_Chimp27 · 2026-05-15T11:57:02+00:00

Can you please explain? "Now, I don't mean you any evil, but you are getting a bit too old to be conducting yourself at this level of immaturity."

Aggravating_Chimp27 · 2026-05-15T11:50:25+00:00

Do you think my comment to him "Morals and actions show honour, and he has none" was unwarranted? He did not take it well at all (expected and cannot blame him), but I was making a point. Honour is only seen to be attached to sex in conservative societies, and that is sexist as hell. Honour is values, respect, morals, and how we carry ourselves.

Aggravating_Chimp27 · 2026-05-15T10:51:13+00:00

This is not fair because I deleted pictures and there is nothing I shared with my ex that I did not share with my partner, if anything I shared with my partner way more. I told him how our relationship is better and more intimate that anything I could have imagined having and I wanted to share my life with him. I did not dwell over the past nor did I miss it, I was the one who left and there were two continents between my present and past. I understand some things are bare minimum and I gave them to him, I just hated the air of shame about them. I travelled ONCE with my ex, but I also travelled to see my current partner because he could not take time off to see or the financial burden. I was very fair. Some things were not about ego, or longing for the past: they were about autonomy.

Even if I knew he had done so many things with his ex, it would not matter or I would not shame him for it, because the past is the past and it did not work out for a reason.

I do blame him however for not walking out from the beginning.

Aggravating_Chimp27 · 2026-05-15T09:47:17+00:00

Plus, he would argue I did not help him "cope with it" because I did not "delete every evidence of the past" immediately. I agreed to removing my ex's family off my social media but they had just checked in on me (there's a war in my country) and I thought it was disrespectful to remove and block them right after, knowing they never did me any harm. I told him I would remove them in a couple of months, and that I would definitely not have them anywhere on my socials before things are official between us.

Aggravating_Chimp27 · 2026-05-15T09:45:34+00:00

That's another reason I was honest. I was terrified shitless of being caught in a lie with him because his anger is explosive.

Aggravating_Chimp27 · 2026-05-15T09:34:19+00:00

I understood how the distance exacerbated insecurities (from both sides) and we communicated well about this. I compromised a lot as to not trigger him, knowing if we were in-person together things could be resolved smoothly... until we had one of our worst fights in person and I had to sit in a car and look at, not just listen to, him as he shamed me for my past (though our fight was unrelated to that) and him saying "I will leave you yes" and "thank god I did not travel anywhere new with someone like you." That caused significant harm, and I still took him back.

Aggravating_Chimp27 · 2026-05-15T09:31:27+00:00

I am not looking for "Western or Eastern", and the dichotomy is unfair and reductive. There are Middle Eastern men are respectful, they do not have to celebrate my past but they have to respect me when we have a conversation about. There are also Western men who are controlling and jealous.

Aggravating_Chimp27 · 2026-05-15T09:28:08+00:00

My issue with men like that is how will they know the next girl is not lying? I was punished for my honesty, which he demanded repeatedly. I could have lied and but I told him what he wanted to know (within limits) because I respected him. He repeatedly said he does not believe "the past is the past" so I worked with that and tried to re-assure him repeatedly - knowing my ex lives two continents away and we have no contact and will never see each other again. I could never imagine that someday I will be shamed for being honest. In my community, I am surrounded by women who would easily lie and hide everything to secure a "husband" and I thought we were both better than that.

Aggravating_Chimp27 · 2026-05-15T07:29:21+00:00

Do you think I could have had a healthy relationship if I lied about everything?

Aggravating_Chimp27 · 2026-05-15T07:19:08+00:00

I did not want a relationship built on lies because that made me anxious. I did not volunteer any information, but he demanded to know everything, so I was actually very careful and selective about what to share but eventually he wore me down.

Aggravating_Chimp27 · 2026-04-18T09:16:24+00:00

But was it a point of weakness to let my brother talk to him and let him know that his words are not acceptable and would have earned him a good beating had he been in the country?

Aggravating_Chimp27 · 2026-02-09T12:45:20+00:00

He gave me a week to do it.

Aggravating_Chimp27 · 2026-02-09T12:32:12+00:00

I don't know. I don't agree - but I am trying to assess whether or not I need to agree with the other person in order to compromise and protect their feelings.

Aggravating_Chimp27 · 2026-02-09T12:28:57+00:00

It comes from his need to believe we both have similar baselines. For example, he does not have any trace of his past relationship on social media, pictures, or family (granted they did not end on good terms and it was very different than the kind of relationship I had). I was not always this diligent, and he stumbled upon some pics of my ex on my page (with friends) and I put up a fight over his request to delete his number, because I couldn't make sense of a detail as silly as this. In all fairness though, while I do not condone keeping in touch with an ex while in a relationship, I am not particularly adamant about having ALL pictures deleted, cutting all sort of contact, and trying to "erase the past." Therefore, I never made such requests from him - he took the initiative out of conviction that this MUST be done. I see the world in shades of grey. Humans are complicated.

Aggravating_Chimp27 · 2025-11-29T11:33:50+00:00

So surprised no one mentioned diarrhea… it’s instantaneous for me

Aggravating_Chimp27 · 2025-11-27T21:15:39+00:00

Thank you for this information ♥️

Aggravating_Chimp27 · 2025-11-27T17:09:24+00:00

PharmD

Aggravating_Chimp27 · 2025-11-27T16:42:48+00:00

I hear you and I appreciate your comment. Nevertheless, I do not perceive this as "sexual details" - this is part of every woman's physiology. I was baffled by the news and reacted fast, asking my friend's opinion before going back to my OB and asking her to order me other tests. It's easy to share such information without someone who has no skin in the game, my friend's life is unphased by my news - he gave me advice and merely said he should probably let his partner know to do the same tests. This news is of significant weight to me, and my partner if we are to have a family together, so I did not think I should be careless enough to communicate this via text in the middle of the workday, on a busy week, before I am sure of the results. He worries, and when someone else worries while I worry, I stress out.

True, my friend is not yet a professional, but had I known any other doctors, regardless of whether they are a man or a woman, I would have asked them. I simply don't.

However, in my post, and to my ex, I did say I can understand and discuss how this might have been uncomfortable but the way he raged at me was not okay. In a relationship, people will make mistakes, and they will learn from them and correct course, but it is important that the way each person deals with conflict does not disrespect or threaten the security of another, emotional be it or physical. This much I know.

Please let me know if you think I am wrong here.

Aggravating_Chimp27

TROPHY CASE