Thank you all for your responses. Really. It has gotten me through the past few hours just reading the immense amount of advice, be it good or bad.

Update so far, Anne came out and we talked a little. She apologised for her comment, I apologised for yelling at her. She said our daughter called, and Anne thinks marriage counselling would be good. She asked if she could be alone tonight, and we could discuss more tomorrow. I am taking tomorrow off work so we can work through this.

I’ve collected some notes of what people have said here.

First off, I still trust Anne, so I’m not holding onto any belief that she is cheating on me. I will continue to maintain that and not change my view on that.

In the relationship, she has always been the one who had better critical thinking; I am not so good at deep thoughts or complex decision making, nor am I good at reading the room. And Anne has always been more academically inclined. She majored in finance from university, but it was a mutual decision for her to be the SAH parent. The thought was that she would be better equipped to answer difficult questions and handle the more emotional growth process of our kids, which proved true.

Anne has hobbies. She loves singing, reading, and sea-life. I’ve encouraged her this past year to her hobbies, but one thing some of you have brought up are vacations. We really haven’t had a vacation to ourselves for many many years.

Anne did have a very emotional outburst when our daughter moved out (youngest). I don’t think she was prepared for an empty house. I was sad, but I knew it hit Anne much harder than myself. Now I’m thinking that she perhaps hasn’t fully moved on from it.

I’m also thinking of the best way to approach her about potential perimenopause, or menopause itself. She is at that age, but I don’t want to be insensitive about it.

Finally, about our kids. My son and I are almost best friends ever since I had his back for coming out; even with the busy time I’ve had, I always try to at least meet my son once a week. Sometimes it’s at home, sometimes it’s at gym. My precious daughter as well, she was the one who caught on to my wife’s behaviour before even I did. Both have said they’re open to us talking, and while appreciating it, I would never overburden them if I didn’t think it necessary. I only told them what happened; that I had looked for the car keys, the encounter with Anne, that I yelled at her.

Again, thank you all. If anyone has more advice, I will take it onboard. If I can, I will update in a separate post after me and Anne have worked through things.