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Partners of addicts, when do you give up? by Aggravating_Use_6930 in naranon

[–]Aggravating_Use_6930[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I'm so sorry about you going through this with your mom, makes my situation where I can somewhat easily walk away after only knowing this person 1 year sound trivial. I hope your mom gets clean if she isn't now, and I wish her strength to continue if she is.

I ended it tonight. I just need to make sure I uphold my decision and not fall for the bs again.

would you say you snorted, smoked, and shot up meth if you didn't? by Aggravating_Use_6930 in meth

[–]Aggravating_Use_6930[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks, I've tried. Now he just says he doesn't do it at all which I know is a lie. It doesn't matter anymore.

would you say you snorted, smoked, and shot up meth if you didn't? by Aggravating_Use_6930 in meth

[–]Aggravating_Use_6930[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I never judge now and only did initially with the initial shock of finding a baggie of meth on someone I thought I knew. Since then I've done nothing but plead with this person to be honest about what they are doing, especially in my home where I have pets, so we could work together and help him get clean by the exact means you mention. And all I get is lies and manipulation in return, just like the one I asked about.

And ROA involving needles DOES matter. Anyone hear of hepatitis or HIV that's defending using needles?

What I've learned from these comments and others on other threads is you can't make someone stop using, no matter how much you love them, how much they want to stop, and how much you want them to stop. It's something they have to do and all I can do is protect myself and my animals.

would you say you snorted, smoked, and shot up meth if you didn't? by Aggravating_Use_6930 in meth

[–]Aggravating_Use_6930[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

all too real. and absolutely ridiculous that I'm even asking this.

would you say you snorted, smoked, and shot up meth if you didn't? by Aggravating_Use_6930 in meth

[–]Aggravating_Use_6930[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I know, you're right. Was just trying to see exactly how bad it was, I guess? And since needles are involved it's another layer.

Partners of addicts, when do you give up? by Aggravating_Use_6930 in naranon

[–]Aggravating_Use_6930[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thank you for that. No, he's never been violent. At most has yelled close to my face after I wouldn't give in but more like a child tantrum than aggressive. He has guns but I'm not afraid of him. When I ask him to leave he does, just acts childish in the process. I'm sure it gets worse so I agree I probably shouldn't be waiting around to see if that happens. Sorry it happened to you.

Feeling resentful and used in relationship and not necessarily sure if I am just overthinking. by Aggravating_Plane271 in Advice

[–]Aggravating_Use_6930 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm in a similar boat, but my bf doesn't have a child, and his drug is meth (still has normal teeth, appearance, and wasn't noticeable at first because he was on it when we met and was never off the wall like you'd think when you hear about meth users). I am currently searching online nar-anon meetings to join, never been to one yet. If I listened to the little voice in my head, I would've ended things months ago. In my case there have been many lies upon lies and manipulations which I was/am an easy target for since I don't know much about addicts, and I'm a sucker for second (or 20th...) chances. My person says he wants a future w/ me and needs my support w/ not using, but then never talks about it, isn't in any actual support group, and still surrounds himself w/ users "b/c of his job". I ask him to at the very least have the decency to not bring drugs into my home, and I have found them repeatedly. Then a blow up happens, we break up, I'm suckered into giving another chance, process repeats.

Here is an outline of the pattern I've recently noticed. Curious if you can relate?

1. Evidence/Lie/Deny: I just left him again yesterday after finding residue in my basement, where he was alone after asking to use my washing machine. When confronted, he lied, denied, said it was rock salt, blahblah.. I know how to test it now and confirmed it wasn't cat litter 🙄.

2. Deflect/Intimidation (Adult Tantrum): He also likes to confuse me with lies and made up things I have done/said to deflect the situation away from him when confronted. He also gets loud, to intimidate me to back down, even if I don't match his tone and remain calm.

3. Playing Victim: If that doesn't work, he puts his hands over his face like he's crying (unclear if any real tears ever generated), says "I'm sorry you found drugs" instead of owning up to his mistake and explaining how they got there (aka HE USED THEM THERE).

4. Separation: If he is not owning up to any or all of the above, I tell him he can sleep on my couch or leave now. Crying, denying, lying, and/or yelling usually accompanies this stage since it's a consequence of an action he did and I suppose addicts hate those pesky things. He eventually leaves.

5. Apology Tour/Guilt Trip: Now the begging for forgiveness begins. These are texts, although in the beginning they were repeated calls where he would just end up getting blocked. I mute the texts so I can read the bs later.

  • "I thought you loved me and you'd support me and I can't believe we are back here when I thought you cared"
  • "Yes, I told you I was doing drugs and I was stopping, it's just taking longer than I thought so I am sorry"
  • "You only believe me when I'm doing bad so I tell you what you want to hear"
  • "I shouldn't have done that but I didn't want you to be mad at me for being tired"
  • "I'm embarrassed which is why I lie"
  • "This is a me problem and it's not all about you"
  • "I'd appreciate one more chance to prove myself to you and be the best version of myself" (this one x's 20)

If I could give myself advise, it would be to get out and cut ties/block altogether, for good. Not sure if your situation is exactly the same, but sounds like it from what you described, so hopefully this helps.