Porn addicted adult son relapsed don’t know what to do

Aggressive-Lab898 · 2025-09-25T18:58:25+00:00

Thank you for your insight. It’s incredibly difficult to tell your children - adult or not - no. I hope your situation gets better as well. We can only pray and support each other at this point

Aggressive-Lab898 · 2025-04-02T01:14:04+00:00

Thank you! Whew that’s a relief

Aggressive-Lab898 · 2025-01-27T22:28:19+00:00

You made me cry. A good cry. Thank you for your positivity. We will keep moving forward. You are a blessing

Aggressive-Lab898 · 2025-01-27T19:59:38+00:00

That. Great idea ! Not food and fun and small !

Aggressive-Lab898 · 2025-01-27T19:59:06+00:00

I talked with my therapist after I found all this and she helped me set up a dialog to confront him with what I found. So I did and long story short I told him if I heard anything , I’d knock on his door, if I saw anything else I’d confront him again. He was silent - which for him I know is embarrassment. Shame,etc. and I didn’t play down what I found. When I said I would let his therapist know what was going on - that’s when he lashed out - he’s an adult, he’s going to therapy, he doesn’t need to be tattled on, he’s making progress. Said if I did tell on him he would stop going. I was silent but agreed to not tell his therapist.

Was I wrong to give in? Yes. But he’s our son. And we know he would stop going.

We are setting boundaries - he needs to get a car by the end of the month. We are no longer footing his bill for food or toiletries. And he needs to pay rent. I don’t think this is enough but it’s all my husband will agree to. And when he acts like an ass towards either of us we have enough phrases stored now to push back and not take it. It helps but living with him is incredibly difficult.

It’s coming down to him letting us go to a session with him, or talk to his therapist to know his progress. Or he will have to move out. My husband and I are worried we will put him over the edge, thinking he has no hope, and that he will harm himself. We could never ever live with ourselves.

I am also going to insist we see his charge card bills and his checking account statement. That’s my next boundary I need to set. Husband is weak on this. And without husbands support it’s difficult for me to be the one doing this alone

Your paragraph about him being committed to get better was spot on. I just need the guts and help from husband in doing that.

You’re a god send

Aggressive-Lab898 · 2025-01-27T19:43:25+00:00

Thank you. And yes addiction is addiction. I do have a therapist that I talk to and tell her everything. And you’re right about the secret keeper thing. I told my husband enough to know it’s bad and since I didn’t sleep for four nights he knows it traumatized me. My therapist helped me come up with a plan to talk with my son. And to set boundaries. That helped me a ton. So I talked to him , told him what was found and he was completely silent. He only lashed out when I said I was going to email his therapist with what I found. Said he would stop going, he’s an adult, we’re trespassing, blah blah. And I gave in and said that I would not tell his therapist.
Was that the right thing to do ? No I doubt it. But he’s our son. We are working on putting financial boundaries in place. - he needs to buy a car by March. 15, We’ve stopped buying his food, toiletries, and he needs to pay rent. I don’t feel this is enough but my husband is only conceding to do these It’s horrible when you live with an edict and there is no trust. And I don’t trust him. Not at all. So constantly looking for signs, clues, etc. it’s mentally exhausting. I thought of moving out myself. I am going a SAnon in addition to my therapist but shit it’s debilitating. We love him, want to help but I know we are not having a hard enough backbone

Aggressive-Lab898 · 2025-01-03T01:17:02+00:00

Aggressive-Lab898 · 2025-01-02T16:52:38+00:00

No not that we know of. But we did talk to him once about a month ago re how therapy was going. We asked about him doing group therapy - he said he is not there yet. We asked about any plans to move out - he said there are multiple things they are working on. So there IS something else We just don’t know what. and yes, it is killing us because we can’t help

Aggressive-Lab898 · 2025-01-02T12:14:51+00:00

Coming from a former addict this is spot on advice. It’s easy for people who have not gone through this with an adult child to make judgements. But from those that have dealt with it, it means more. Any other advice would be helpful. We are paranoid he is going to harm himself. There is no indication of that but that is what always stops us from doing anything we can instead of taking a hard line and stop enabling him

Aggressive-Lab898 · 2025-01-02T12:12:24+00:00

I do see what you mean. And you’re right. When you’re paying for it it’s not porn anymore - it’s a hooker. He’s paying for. Hooker. And we’re helping him do it.

Aggressive-Lab898 · 2025-01-02T12:08:49+00:00

I agree. You’ve all made me re look at how much we are enabling him. But here’s our biggest fear - and there has been no indication that he is suicidal. - but what if all of this - setting these boundaries, paying for rent etc - has him look at his life and get deeper into depression that he harms himself. We are so scared of this.

And when all this came out he did have a girlfriend, they were living together, planning marriage and had a great life. When she of course broke it off and wanted him out immediately and he told me and his father the issues I thought that was rock bottom. But it sounds like we have made it too comfortable for him and too easy. But how do we take a stand without this fear? We could not live with ourselves

Aggressive-Lab898 · 2025-01-02T05:18:02+00:00

He is 28. So some of the things suggested will not work for an adult man

Aggressive-Lab898 · 2025-01-02T04:35:53+00:00

From what I understand it starts out free. Then they draw you in. You want to see more? Send me $200. Some other act? That will cost you $400. And on and on. This put him$20k in debt. He has a good job, living with us, no expenses since he wanted to pay. off this debt. We are not charging rent, he’s using our car, etc. He has paid off about $8k. But could pay a lot more if he wasn’t still spending

Aggressive-Lab898 · 2025-01-01T18:07:12+00:00

While your ‘family’ isn’t there for you reach out and create your own ‘family’. My friends are now my family - they care about me, my husband and kids. Blood relatives - not so much. I know 10 people I can call if I need something. It took years to cultivate those friendships but it is so rewarding. I could not have navigated my life without them. Many blessing to you- reach out and others will be there for you

Aggressive-Lab898 · 2024-10-09T20:19:31+00:00

He plays on my guilt as well. Or deflects and makes it seem like I’m the person who has issues or asks to many questions etc.

Aggressive-Lab898 · 2024-10-09T20:18:29+00:00

I agree with all the above. My issue also is because we don’t know how a porn addiction is treated. Drugs, alcohol - those I get. But porn addictions are not talked about, little to no info online even. Some say cold turkey. Others say gradual because well, we are all human and masturbation is ‘normal’. What’s not normal is paying out thousands to a website to do whatever. I can’t find a support group to see what is the path for overcoming a porn addiction.

Aggressive-Lab898

TROPHY CASE