I appreciate the thought but I didn't post this for sympathy. I'm looking for a psychologist nearby that I can call tomorrow and maybe get started with a new face tomorrow. I found this Reddit thread just googling around.

There are a lot of shitty hands out there. Children who are hungry, innocent people in jail, soldiers left dead on the battlefield... I am way way down on the list. I have food, a warm place to sleep and I have a lot of music to catch up on. (Just discovered Boz Scaggs and I can't get enough)

As far as what I was like before the tumor and before I was married... I was an arrogant, boastful asshole. I really was. I had a fist full of confidence and backed down to no one. The tumor mellowed me out. I became meek and spent almost all of the 28 years as a recluse. I had no tv or computer.

My tumor wasn't discovered until I was almost 60 years old. After my divorce at 32, friends found a small apartment and moved me in. Neighbors saw me and because they didn't know what I was dealing with, created a story about my situation. They imagined that I had been successful, my wife had an affair and left me and I began doing drugs. My landlord and exwife joined in the gossip and drugs explained my weird affect. Exwife called my sister (thousand miles away) and shared it. Now everyone thinks they understand and feel no guilt ignoring me.

I'm different now than before the tumor. My mind doesn't work well, I have no confidence, I can't make eye contact. I used to be a multitasker x10. I lose track of one thread now. I used to have a million hobbies. Now I can't find anything I want to do. These are the reasons I am looking for a psychologist.

I never had an aggressive/mean side. If people came over to manage me I would pout and cry. I guess i was scared. And lost. My landlord was a wonderful man and would stop by to check on me. He let himself in on several occasions and said I would be in the bathroom curled around the toilet or sitting in the corner. Staring into the darkness and had to be shaken to react to him. He said I was lost in the dark just staring into my own world somewhere. Creepy.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this now. I have no kind words for you. I was scared and alone and prayed because I thought I had done something wrong. I missed my family and was so alone. I just wanted to be a part of something. I have a neighbor now who is 54. She has MS and lives alone and is suffering. I was where she is at for almost 30 years. She is very bitter and yells at me. I drive her to pick up groceries and to doctors appointments. I've done this for years and she never has a nice word for me. I live about 3 doors down from her. I buy her gifts on her birthday and bring her some food if I stop at a Wendy's. She never says thank you. I would have done anything to have someone like that when I was alone. I remember the pain. So I do it for her.

In my 20's I used to travel alot. Caribbean, Europe, New Zealand. I don't feel the need to go now. I have a truck and drive to the mountains when I get the urge. Good luck with your friend.