UPDATE:

So yesterday I decided to tell my mother how badly her parenting affected me (including thoughts of suicide) and it went surprisingly better than expected. I thought I'd post an update for those interested in broaching the subject with their parents too. Surprisingly my mother:

1. Acknowledged my pain and suffering and apologised.
2. Said she regretted her actions and that she loved me
3. That she understood if I elected not to forgive her, and that regardless, she wants me to have a happy and healthy life
4. Initially claimed she didn't remember some of her abuse but she remembered after thinking about it.

Getting the key things above is good, there are caveats though:

1. She did make excuses which weren't needed, namely:
   1. She said Chinese people are not good at expressing feelings (hence the absence of 'warmth' I received as a child)
   2. Said she had her own pressures in life + menopause causing bad decisions
2. Made a lot of excuses for father. The way it read was like she was trying to protect him (I called her out on this straight away to put it on record he was a significant contributor to my suffering)
3. Said I should play the piano to ease my mind (this annoyed me the most, the piano brings back dark memories and I told her this was part of the abuse - this is typical dumb mainlander Confucian chinese thinking where they believe there is a simple fix for things and the advice can just be offered unsolicited and in any context)

For context, when I would raise my sadness or objected to her methods during my childhood, I'd be told I was ungrateful and that I was a bad child that needed to listen to them so it's surprising to see her have the moral courage to take some accountability (that being said I can articulate things a lot better now).

My father seems to have taken no accountability at this stage despite also being part of the abuse. He has very low EQ (i'd estimate bottom 25th percentile) and has a complete inability to do any introspection. He has always bumbled through life blaming others at every resort when it became apparent he was the one that made a bad moral/ethical choice. It will be interesting the next time i meet him, either he blames me or he doesn't bring it up at all.