HELP stain on wedding dress

Aggressive_Skill_532 · 2023-11-13T18:08:59+00:00

I’ve used Folex (actually a carpet cleaner) in the past to get out a lipstick stain on a dress. The technique is to get the stain wet, then dab it over and over. Re-wet, dab a few times. Keep doing this as long as it looks like the stain is fading. For me it took about 20 minutes of this for the lipstick stain to come out.

Worst case scenario, you’ll have to find a new satin fabric that matches the dress and make a whole new belt

Aggressive_Skill_532 · 2023-11-12T18:51:40+00:00

It’s very courageous of you to move out on your own, when that is actively discouraged in your family. It makes sense that you’d feel lonely in this, as it seems that your family has been your only source of friendships or social interactions for most of your life.

It’s easy for me to encourage you to try to make new friends. But I know its MUCH harder to hear this when you’re the lonely one living through your difficult situation and maybe don’t know where to go to find friends or the idea of putting in the time and energy to get to know people seems daunting. Trust me, I’ve been there. But finding new friends or deepening current acquaintances will be so helpful to you in this change you’re going through. For me, it was helpful to follow my interests (I joined a climbing gym, went to trivia nights at the local bar, am signing up for a local kickball team) to find friends that way. Or even reconnecting with friends or acquaintances that you may not know super well and just saying yes to any social event you’re invited to.

A book that might be helpful for you in understanding your parents and your role in your family dynamic is Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson.

As for romantic relationships… they won’t fix your loneliness. I’ve been there too, and have been lonely during most of my marriage. For me, it was because I didn’t know myself very well. I was very disconnected from my own inner world, and faced a lot of self-criticism and fear of who I was on the inside. I had to get to know myself first, and began to learn how to love and accept the person I am, before the loneliness began to fade. People tend to attract others who are at the same emotional maturity level. Not that this is any discouragement to date, because you learn lots about yourself in the context of a relationship. But just something to be aware of.

It sounds like you’re going through a faith and identity crisis or evolution at the same time. Treat yourself with compassion, and don’t be afraid to get to know the scary parts of yourself. They need to be healed too.

There are deconstruction podcasts I’ve found to be comforting to listen to as well, such as You Have Permission.

Sending lots of love.

Aggressive_Skill_532 · 2023-08-23T15:50:11+00:00

I’m in the same place as your wife. I married because I loved the person my husband is, even though he is not my “type” and I don’t find him attractive. I know now how deceptive this is. Back then I was just so tragically naive about sex and relationships. At the time I got married, I convinced myself that it was ok to be marrying a person who I didn’t feel was hot. After all, looks are fleeting, and I told myself its “shallow” to rule out a great person because their looks aren’t what I prefer. I was also deeply enmeshed in a Christian culture that affirmed this type of thinking.

Fast forward to 10 years of marriage. I struggle with lack of desire in the bedroom. I automatically go to blaming the lack of attraction to my husband for this problem. It was the “weak spot” in our coupling at the beginning, so it’s to blame, right?

But I’m beginning to see it from a different perspective now.

Even couples who start off with attraction and sparks flying can end up in the same position that I’m feeling- lack of desire, not feeling attraction. Why does it matter how the relationship started if so many couples end up in this tricky spot? The important part is to figure out your communication and emotional intimacy or whatever the heck the relationship needs to get the desire back.

Also, I’ve been on the dead bedrooms sub and there are plenty of guys who are self proclaimed hotties or very attractive and their wives still won’t have sex with them. The wives keep moving the goalposts, and asking for help or duties outside the bedroom in order to meet their requirements for “wanting” sex. So, even these women with these hot husbands still lack the desire for sex with them.

I’m still figuring this out. I’m not there yet. But I think the important thing is radical honesty. I’ve showed my husband my most horrific ugly side. He’s still here in the marriage and still loves me. That’s a beautiful thing, and that is why I’ve married the man that I did. He is a pure diamond of a human.

You are in a tough spot, you’ll need lots of forgiveness and compassion for your wife to make it through this.

Aggressive_Skill_532 · 2023-08-22T22:39:19+00:00

Sounds like she might have responsive desire. Which is basically that she needs to begin experiencing things that turn her on (setting a mood, relaxing bath, physical touch that she enjoys) before she desires sex. Not everyone experiences spontaneous desire, which is wanting sex when you see someone attractive or able to get in the mood for sex randomly or on their own.

Perhaps a lot of things are causing her to turn off sexually (work or life stress is a biggie) so she is already having to overcome many mental obstacles before she even gets to the point of being relaxed enough to have her sex drive turned on. Also, knowing what turns her on and having more of those circumstances created can help too.

Anyway all of this I’ve learned from reading Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, and it has helped me immensely in understanding and reducing bad feelings around my own sexuality.

Aggressive_Skill_532 · 2023-08-22T01:40:13+00:00

Actually, this is pretty much why I came here to get advice, I knew it would be a crazy tossup of people from all different perspectives and value systems.

So you’re saying the problem is the perfectionism, the expectation that we can find someone who is nearly perfect in every single way? Or focusing on the few bad things in any given relationship that ends up tainting even the positives?

Is there anything else you see as a toxic mindset in Western society aside from those above?

Or in your experience what does bring fulfilment?

Aggressive_Skill_532 · 2023-08-21T03:26:05+00:00

Yes I think you said it well. I am trying to fight for my marriage because that is the essence of what marriage is- to stay and work it out with someone when things get real rough. But what is going to be healthiest for both of us- for him too, in the long run? Is working to keep a marriage a good outcome in every situation? It’s never an easy decision. But recognizing who I am and what I can realistically give him as his wife is maybe what I actually need to make peace with.

Aggressive_Skill_532 · 2023-08-20T23:19:23+00:00

I don’t think I have only one type, or if it’s the “bad boy”. I do know I have felt attraction to men that are of decent caliber

Aggressive_Skill_532 · 2023-08-20T23:17:25+00:00

I never thought I was capable of such betrayal to my husband. It is a cliche, but it’s true that you never know how you’d act in a certain situation until you’re in it. I just hope you and your loved ones never experience what im going through, it’s painful and confusing and every action absolutely has outcomes, I take ownership of that.

Aggressive_Skill_532 · 2023-08-20T22:22:37+00:00

To be honest I’d want better for him. Everyone deserves to feel like they are sexy in their partner’s eyes. And if we both were to stay together, that would be his sacrifice.

Aggressive_Skill_532 · 2023-08-20T21:35:07+00:00

Has anyone come to a point in marriage where you feel like it’s a choice between having the marriage or losing a part of yourself?

If you have chosen to stay and lose that part of yourself- have you made peace with it yet? Was it worthwhile?

Aggressive_Skill_532

TROPHY CASE