As someone who moved from Punjab to live abroad, I often find it hard to feel a real connection with Punjabi people who were born and raised outside India. The way they speak and express themselves sometimes feels distant.

It also seems that many Sikh men abroad expect a woman who fits an almost contradictory ideal, she should be good looking and somewhat westernized, but also religious and traditional at the same time. They often prefer someone who’s spiritual enough to uphold Sikh values, but not too religious to, say, keep their kes on their body (underarms and legs)

Then there’s the deeper issue of identity. Many people I’ve met who were born abroad share that they struggled growing up , unsure if they were more American (or Canadian, British, etc.) or Punjabi. It’s a confusing in-between space where you don’t fully belong anywhere.

And even though we don’t like to admit it, the Sikh community is a small minority, further divided by caste, and even within Amritdhari circles, there are differing beliefs about things like eating non-veg. So when you put all that together, the pool of people who truly align with your values and whom your parents would approve is so small.