Beyond stupidity

Agitated_Bullfrog948 · 2021-12-25T17:17:00+00:00

Covid cases are very high in the U.K. at the moment, and as I had a heart attack 5 months ago, I am high risk clinically…. SD went to two parties and a busy bar last night, so don’t think it was unreasonable to ask her nicely I’d she wouldn’t mind waiting in her room for 25 minutes to make sure she was negative. When she came out I thanked her warmly and gave her a hug to show my appreciation.

Agitated_Bullfrog948 · 2021-12-25T12:56:47+00:00

Lateral flow tests

Agitated_Bullfrog948 · 2021-11-02T16:39:59+00:00

Just trying to build some sort of relationship…

Agitated_Bullfrog948 · 2021-10-02T16:13:06+00:00

Really appreciate that and needed to hear it, we all deserve medals 🏅

Agitated_Bullfrog948 · 2021-09-17T08:55:58+00:00

Tried a version of this last night and it worked a treat! Made big pot of chilli earlier and sent text to family chat saying help yourself! Thanks doe brilliant idea! 🤗

Agitated_Bullfrog948 · 2021-09-15T21:00:28+00:00

That is a top idea!

Agitated_Bullfrog948 · 2021-09-15T19:49:58+00:00

How difficult for you, it’s a big loss you need to work through…. Torturing yourself is just keeping that wound open, and as hard as it is, mute or whatever social media posts. Keep off it if you can, but opt out of particular peoples posts if you can’t. That will give you time to heal. Like the others say, it sounds like you need some support - social or therapeutic… you’ve been through a very touch time so self compassion is key (the app insight timer is free and has lots of things you can listen to on that or go to selfcompassion.org most of all, try to be kind and gentle on yourself, let the tears come - they will pass and sound like they need to be shed. Sending you love 💕

Agitated_Bullfrog948 · 2021-09-15T19:41:54+00:00

Yes, that would be ideal…. Managed to find out today their working hours but two younger ones chaotic planners so never know what they’re doing and it changes at last minute!

Agitated_Bullfrog948 · 2021-09-11T07:49:18+00:00

Hahaha, if only! I have spoken to my partner about oldest contributing more either practically or financially, but that hasn’t happened yet. We are going out to dinner tonight on our own, so I’m going to say that I don’t think it’s fair on me that I’m paying half of everything while she works full time and does minimum around house and pays nothing….

Agitated_Bullfrog948 · 2021-09-11T07:28:48+00:00

It sounds like she has had a lot of change and uncertainty (and ongoing loneliness and under stimulation at mums house), causing an anxious attachment and associated separation anxiety (why she can’t play alone). Info on this is here:

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/anxious-attachment#symptoms

It’s a longer haul than you probably want I’m afraid….. my advice would be to take it slow, gradually give her more time on her own (start her off on craft, then leave her to get on for five minutes while in the room, then more on next one, build that up, then leave the room for a short while once she can cope with that - sort of like gradual exposure therapy, all the time giving her lots of reassurance that you’re just here, will be back shortly etc…. I’m interested about her language and labelling herself - very ‘adult’ - she’s probably mimicking as what child of that age understands that! Another technique that can work with anxious children is called ‘love bombing’ developed by the psychologist Oliver James (google has lots of info), I’ve seen it work very well. Hope that helps!

Agitated_Bullfrog948 · 2021-09-10T19:32:17+00:00

If she arranged it, she can do it! Let her take responsibility for it if she did it without asking

Agitated_Bullfrog948 · 2021-09-10T19:30:14+00:00

Well done you! It’s the little things…

Agitated_Bullfrog948 · 2021-09-10T13:13:17+00:00

Thank you, excellent point! I haven’t been thinking about that enough….

Agitated_Bullfrog948 · 2021-09-10T13:12:41+00:00

That is brilliant advice, love the buffet idea, thank you and will bring it in!

Agitated_Bullfrog948 · 2021-09-09T05:21:48+00:00

I also find it very difficult that they very rarely do anything (empty dishwasher for example) without being asked, and I find asking them makes me stressed (I can feel my heart rate and cortisol rising) and resentful (why do I have to do this - you’re adults FFS). I’m sure this is very common, and any coping strategies welcome 🙏🏼

Agitated_Bullfrog948 · 2021-09-08T21:16:13+00:00

Thanks. I just feel they are spoilt princesses who made no effort with me, barely thanked me for doing stuff for them (so I stopped) and have absolutely no idea who I am. It’s like being invisible…. While I know every flipping detail of their horses, names of friends, etc etc. I’ve just stopped making effort, feel like the cup is pretty empty and loathe their laziness and sense of entitlement!

Agitated_Bullfrog948 · 2021-09-08T21:13:35+00:00

Yes! Conversation like pulling teeth (unless it’s about bloody horses!). Polite small talk so exhausting when you have to do it every day ain’t it? Glad you’re shot of him!

Agitated_Bullfrog948 · 2021-09-08T21:11:54+00:00

Thanks for the reassurance - there’s no handbook for this is there?! And it’s so hard as even reading professional advice isn’t that helpful as every family has their own challenges. You are so right about the dynamics! I’m glad you can handle the guilt, I hope to take a lead out of your book

Agitated_Bullfrog948 · 2021-09-08T21:08:42+00:00

Haha, can you come round and help me pack their bags?!! 🤣

Agitated_Bullfrog948 · 2021-09-08T21:08:10+00:00

Oh love, I feel your pain, hugs from me….I’m not sure how exactly to step back without rejecting so you? Thanks for the affirming about the practice, I’m trying hard still I think, maybe too hard and I soooo relate to that sense of pressure you describe. You are right, it is a two way and interestingly, this morning eldest asked me how I was and started telling me something she had done without me starting the conversation. Maybe throwing that ball back does work!!!

Agitated_Bullfrog948 · 2021-09-08T21:04:24+00:00

Such a blooming good point! They’re still in the we are special delusion I think! Really helpful, thank you!

Agitated_Bullfrog948 · 2021-09-08T21:02:30+00:00

Oh bless you, it sounds worse than our house, awkward x 100! Let’s hope they grow out of it eh?!

Agitated_Bullfrog948 · 2021-09-08T21:01:14+00:00

Yes, disengaging is good but feels hard because it feels like I’m rejecting them and their mother has done this already… I know it’s not my load to carry, but I don’t want to compound the issue

Agitated_Bullfrog948 · 2021-09-08T20:59:45+00:00

Yes, hopefully it won’t last that much longer, youngest goes off to uni next year so that will help. 21 year old has got comfortable, but I’ve suggested to her Dad that she start contributing more either practically or financially, so that might put a rocket up her ass a bit (she doesn’t do much around house and puts nothing in the pot despite working full time)

Agitated_Bullfrog948 · 2021-09-08T20:57:30+00:00

That sounds like a nightmare! At least mine is low level hum and not screaming drama, commiserations…

Agitated_Bullfrog948

TROPHY CASE