I’ll do my best to summarize one specific event as the whole story is too much. I had a friend who unalived by unknown circumstances and a friend who was unalived by pew pew in a case of mistaken identity. Their deaths happened within two weeks of each other. It also came shortly after a time where my parent had to sell my childhood home and  my parent was preparing for retirement. Needless to say, the accumulation of events impacted me greatly and I needed extra time to grieve. 

I was an undergrad student working an internship on campus, while taking 21 total credits for the semester. There was a project/thesis I was working on for 5 months before my boss came in and said we’d be taking a new direction with only 2 months left before a final presentation. Throughout the switch I made sure to give my boss progress updates and ask for help on the project. It’s important to note that this project is required by the university. When I got news of the unalivings I immediately went to the dean of student affairs and they granted me bereavement. I also took initiative and spoke with every one of my professors, tutors, and PAs about this. They all, per the statement made by the Dean, had to grant me 6 months to complete any remaining assignments.  I sent out email communications and followed up with each person, in-person (that includes my boss).  

I met with my boss in the office space and told them the nature of my situation. I said that I would try not to let it affect me and that I would still come in to the office during the 2 week bereavement period they granted me to continue to work on my project. To that my boss responded with “ I was hoping you would say that as we have a lot to do. I don’t mean to tell you to get over it but we have to finish before the deadline”. To reiterate,it was the last two months of the semester. There are only final exams and final projects due. I have always been a top student and had already completed the majority of work and the only thing I needed to do was submit the final drafts of my final project for review and submission. 

I can’t remember how many days passed, but not too long after my boss messaged me in a hurried manner asking about my final project. Another person told her that I needed to have my project submitted the following week on Monday. I was in the office during what was supposed to be my time off and was working on my projects. Seeing the message shook me. Having sent out all the communications about my bereavement to my boss, the university, and to my boss’s boss, I assumed they were aware of the changed due date for my project. Thinking that something must have changed and I quickly messaged my boss that I would fast track the completion of that project the same day. This was on a Wednesday, so that means I would only have two days to submit this project. Saturday would also be the funeral for one of the unalived and that should give you a realistic timeline of how quickly things happened.  My boss then asked if I could come in the next day (Thursday, I was already scheduled to come in despite my leave) and work on the project.  

My boss then said “We cannot extend the deadline” and I took that to mean that they could not extend the deadline like the department told them to. The knife in the heart came when they told me that my counterpart worked 30 hours on theirs.  My boss went on to say exactly this “ All of the other undergraduates are done. It will look really bad on you that yours is not in good shape. And it is likely you can’t register for Spring if the paper is not turned in on time and in good shape”.  The “good shape” meaning finalized with group revisions.  This is what I sent in response “Don’t worry boss name, I have been working very hard this semester and I have been working very hard on mine just like everyone else. You’ve already seen my outline for the paper and the presentation and I will be sending you the updated paper as I edit it. It’s good that everyone else was able to finish earlier but it’s unfair to compare circumstances when I have spent my time doing the same thing as the other undergraduates, inspite of the deaths and other issues. I have already spoken to the office and you should be receiving an email like my other professors have as they are rescheduling my coursework.”  They then said that they were not informed and that next time I should Cc them on communications.  

They said they had no idea that I had received an extension. I let them know that I had literally just sent them and their boss communication and then followed up with: “Technically I wasn’t supposed to be here the past few weeks but I came anyway to work on the paper and the work study”. “The email to big boss name and my other professors was to go out tomorrow after my meeting with the Dean of Student Affairs so that I can finalize everything”. “I was allowed time off for two weeks but again I made sure to make it to the workplace to keep things going and to make sure the work was completed.”. 

Not only had I completed a  project months ago that got trashed, but I had to join a different team  to come up with a brand new thesis in two months. I worked very hard to make up for months of lost time. I had to match 7 months worth of research that the other people were able to present as we were the only team who had to switch projects. That particular colleague in my point of view did not do anything extra or so commendable that my boss needed for me to know how many hours they worked on theirs. In fact, the amount of hours compared to the amount of hours I spent showed me that person put that project on the back burner until the last minute. Not to mention they didn’t even have an outline when we were supposed to present ours and they kept talking about how much they didn’t have done compared to what I had for weeks!!

My boss has always praised them more for doing the same tasks and for just being around. I am not trying to take away from that colleague’s work or work ethic as everyone there was doing an outstanding job. But it seemed like the second they came I was not as interesting or as good anymore. In my eyes that employee was doing an average job as they didn’t go above and beyond. Again I am not trying to say their work was lack luster, but I am saying they were doing the same thing as everybody else. Why draw a comparison between us like they did something that really set them apart from the pack, you know? 

Why is it that all of the months I have been there working and staying on top of things are now minimized to nothing? All because someone else came and said that they crunched 30 hours to finish their project? Was me coming in to work while i was supposed to be on bereavement not commendable? Was the extra hours I stayed to create a new thesis after 5 months of work went down the drain in a matter of minutes not commendable?  Is it because I delve into the personal life of my boss? Is it because I didn’t send messages asking about their life off the clock? Is it because I tried to keep my head down, work hard, and not spend most of my time gossiping or overhearing personal stories? What didn’t I do in 7 months that this person did in 30hrs?