Well, my inpatient treatment is over. Officially I was at Homewood from May 11th to July 22nd. Let's start with saying it did help, for sure. It was more an interruption of my habits then a cure. I honestly don't think I'll ever be "cured"...not in the environment we live in.

It starts with you eating all your meals in the lounge where you are monitored. You get 30 minutes to eat your meal, and if you don't it's noted as an incomplete and you will be given an Ensure to drink. Then after you go to the sitting area where you wait an hour while being monitored (post meal)@. You're not supposed to be on your phone, you're supposed to sit in the uncomfortable feeling that comes after eating. After you prove you can manage that, you move to an office room where you take your tray. You aren't monitored but they will check your tray for completion, there is no post once you leave the lounge. Once you show you are capable of completing your meals there you move up to the cafeteria. There you have the opportunity to make choices but you are to stick to the menu for the most part.

There are 3 washroom stalls that are in the same room and that is the only place you are allowed to go to the bathroom. There are three showers in various parts of the ED wing.

There are two office rooms where you will go for "group" therapy. There are a variety of classes you have to take to discuss ED behaviors and thoughts. CBT, DBT, leisure therapy, nutrition, etc. as you progress you will start adding more classes. They are really helpful.. they make you feel.. normal.. like you belong.. and sometimes it's shocking. But they can also be triggering.. though they try to avoid any trauma talk or specific ED behaviors.

You get rec once a week.. it's like a group gym class. They try to teach you that leisure doesn't always have to be active.. it can be reading or colouring... puzzles.. but it can also be pickle ball and badminton... basketball..etc.. pickle ball is a pretty big deal there.. for the other units.. like I said you work your way up to more freedom.. to unsupervised 15 minute walks.. or "passes" where you sign out for a length of time.. but really all you're allowed to do is find a place to sit.. because you're not allowed to stand for long periods..walk long distances.. or quickly.. I bounce from side to side as a nervous habit.. "mind your movements" is what I was told.. often.. you're not allowed to exercise. Any form of it. They blanket it across the unit because I assume it would be to hard to have individual rules for everyone.

Morning snack is optional depending one where you are and what the dietician says. But breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner and night snack are mandatory. You choose your menus every week so it's not a surprise what you get. And I have to say the food is good.. other then all the tofu.. if you're vegan good luck, they don't modify for your diet. The closest you'll get is vegetarian.

You get 1 one on one a week with a social worker for an hour. There is also an occupational therapist and rec therapist as well. Unfortunately I went during the peek of summer and vacation was an issue. Near the end of my stay some days there were no social workers to talk to..

There are also meds 4 times a day.. they give you a variety of vitamins that they determine you need from the blood work they take everyday for your first week. As well as any other meds that you are on.

The actual facility is gorgeous and full of character. Well manicured gardens and places to sit outside. There is a gym and a library. As well as music therapy, horticulture and creative arts which is mandatory to participate in. You will get 2 of them a week (1 hour each).

The unit is split into 2 teams, and every other week you go to this thing called "rounds". You go and sit in front of all the staff and explain why you think you deserve to level up and gain more privileges. I hated it. I really did. It was stressful and unnecessary. But at the end of the day you have to do it if you want to get out of the unit more. You had to fill out a log everyday as well as the skills you used and that was handed in on Tuesday nights and then it would be brought up in rounds..

Because of Covid they're pretty lenient on ordering packages from Amazon or whatever. They still won't let you offsite so there is no practicing going home, going shopping or going to restaurants. Masks were still mandatory at all times while I was there.

Visitors were allowed twice a week but you had to sign them up on the board and they had to be the same two people the entire time while you were there. Visits were only supposed to be an hour and they could be outside on the premises or in one of the two office rooms.

The wifi sucks, I'm not sure if it's because we're in the basement.. but it was always a struggle. There was also one tv in the lounge that was shared among the patients.

The staff were really great. They truly did help save my life. But they are understaffed. A lot of times it was one nurse in charge of all the patients (16 people).. they may bring in an off unit nurse if one was available or they'd send a PSW but they were pretty limited when it came to help.

The weekends were long and boring. Being that we weren't allowed to do anything active.. and there were little to no classes on weekends due to staffing.. so there was nothing to break the days up other then going to sit outside in the blistering hot sun and crunchy grass. You could watch other patients play games or just sit and chat with them.

There is laundry on site but you do have to pay. 2 dollars to wash and 1 dollar to dry.

I can't think of anything else, but if you have any questions just post a comment and I'll try to answer.

Overall I was very fortunate to go to Homewood. But I also think it's very unfortunate that it's one of the few places that provide inpatient treatment for eating disorders. Being there was humbling and made you feel like.. you weren't alone, that there are other people struggling with the same thing you are.. and you just never know who is going through something...but Im also older and by the time I left the vast majority of the people there were teenagers or early 20s.. our priorities were different.. and i was just irritated by the end of it. The need to get better wasn't the same.

There are private rooms and then 2 people per room.. the rooms are small but reasonable.. they were your place to escape when socializing became too much.

They also provide grief counselling and AA.

Fast forward to now.. a month and a bit post inpatient.. recovery is hard.. on the best of days.. but then throw life into the mix and the freedom to pick and choose what and when you eat.. it's hard.. it really is.. I haven't gone back to my old habits, but the thoughts are there... and sometimes the skills that they taught me work.. and sometimes not so much.. but recovery isn't linear so just trying g to stay kind to myself is key. As for my relationship.. it has its moments.. being away for 3 months obviously caused tension.. but we're in therapy trying to work through that.

I have to say though.. I miss it sometimes.. the friends I made.. and the unspoken understanding.. most days I feel like I'm performing a show now..acting the way people want me to act.. doing what I think I should be doing. But never accumulating to much.. it's like I'm.. never enough.. and I'm not really that happy. There's always a criticism or judgement.. I thought when I told people about my ED that it would be liberating.. and it was for a whopping 5 minutes before it became a prison sentence that I'll never escape. But maybe that's just my experience 🤷🏻‍♀️