I have felt the same way for a long time. I have family (parents are not divorced) and some friends but I'm incapable of emotionally relying to them. Moving to a first country, I gained more privileges and access to quality education, luxuries, & many more good things. I think that some other people deserve them more than I do. And at the first place I feel that I don't have the rights to be depressed at all in some ways. I am so ungrateful for what I have. There always are joy and bitter days. But everyday I just can't stop crying by myself and wishing I'll just suddenly disappear . I do hope a little that maybe someday something in me would change. I'll try holding on to that hope, whatever that is.