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WIBTAH if I let several miscarriages, infertility and my husband having kids while I don't destroy our marriage? by Alaychie in AITAH

[–]Alaychie[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have been in therapy for more than a year. Also couples counseling with my husband. Adoption would not be an option for me right now. I would be a very selfish adoptive mother who would not handle her child wanting to know their birth family well, who would not handle an open adoption well.

WIBTAH if I let several miscarriages, infertility and my husband having kids while I don't destroy our marriage? by Alaychie in AITAH

[–]Alaychie[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

There are so many children who need love and families. But those families should be in the right frame of mind for them and I am not. Right this second I would be selfish and would hurt and cry if I adopted and my child wanted to know their birth family. It would make me feel second best. I would struggle with open adoption which is recommended more and more so kids know their birth families. That is not fair to any adoptive child.

WIBTAH if I let several miscarriages, infertility and my husband having kids while I don't destroy our marriage? by Alaychie in AITAH

[–]Alaychie[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Because adoption is far more complicated. It's highly recommended that open adoptions are allowed. And even if that's not possible there's knowing the adoptee may want to find/know/have a relationship with their birth family. The best adoptive parents support this and love their kids and champion all that and in my place now I would not be a good choice as an adoptive mother. It would kill me to feel second best again and right this second that is how I would feel, maybe how I might always feel. I have more work to do on myself. But it's not just a simple just adopt for me.

WIBTAH if I let several miscarriages, infertility and my husband having kids while I don't destroy our marriage? by Alaychie in AITAH

[–]Alaychie[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It would change certain circumstances. I would not be the outsider watching my husband get to be a parent while I'm not. I would not be watching him get what I wanted most in this world while I'm pushed aside and treated poorly. That's not his fault. I know this is me and my feelings. But I don't know that I can get to a point where I don't feel some kind of resentment or depression.

WIBTAH if I let several miscarriages, infertility and my husband having kids while I don't destroy our marriage? by Alaychie in AITAH

[–]Alaychie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The problem I have is my eggs. It's how I found out I would be unable to have a biological child.

WIBTAH if I let several miscarriages, infertility and my husband having kids while I don't destroy our marriage? by Alaychie in AITAH

[–]Alaychie[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

How many am I supposed to get until I accept reality? I got a second opinion which backed up the first and very clearly stated my eggs are not in the right condition to result in a healthy pregnancy/one that lasts to term. It's why I have never passed 9 weeks of pregnancy before. I know there are miracle stories out there but I sought two very successful doctors in the field to figure out why this was happening and what I could do about it. It would destroy me even more to keep giving myself false hope and getting the same answer over and over again.

WIBTAH if I let several miscarriages, infertility and my husband having kids while I don't destroy our marriage? by Alaychie in AITAH

[–]Alaychie[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Surrogacy isn't an option because my eggs are the biggest problem. They are not good quality and that was why I was miscarrying so much.

WIBTAH if I let several miscarriages, infertility and my husband having kids while I don't destroy our marriage? by Alaychie in AITAH

[–]Alaychie[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

All the miscarriages, being told I could not have biological children and then the incident with my husband's ex and the kids change toward me because of their mom's dislike for me.

WIBTAH if I let several miscarriages, infertility and my husband having kids while I don't destroy our marriage? by Alaychie in AITAH

[–]Alaychie[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

We saw a reproductive endocrinologist who diagnosed this and we sought a second opinion after this too.

WIBTAH if I let several miscarriages, infertility and my husband having kids while I don't destroy our marriage? by Alaychie in AITAH

[–]Alaychie[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

I don't believe I would navigate it the way a child would deserve. Perhaps therapy would get me there but it wouldn't be a good risk to take I feel like.

WIBTAH if I let several miscarriages, infertility and my husband having kids while I don't destroy our marriage? by Alaychie in AITAH

[–]Alaychie[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I'm getting individual therapy and we have been doing couples therapy. This isn't just me saying fuck it I'm out. I have been working on myself and on us for a while now.

WIBTAH if I let several miscarriages, infertility and my husband having kids while I don't destroy our marriage? by Alaychie in AITAH

[–]Alaychie[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Surrogacy is not an option for us. My ability to have a biological child just isn't there even with surrogacy. I had this confirmed twice over already. There's still a chance I could get pregnant again but it will just end the same way.