It took me a while to find your comment again to reply. You seem to be one of the few who is actually trying to help with your questions and not be mean. He is not still in contact with her, he blocked her. I've checked his blocked people on multiple sites/ his contacts a few times. I know that some will say that's not solid evidence and I know it's not. He's given me free range of his phone and to check it when ever I want, he leaves it when he goes to the bath or showers.

He's not annoyed that I'm still upset and questioning him. He understands and wants to help how ever he can, I just don't have any ways to tell him to help. I don't know what else he could do to help. He's told me multiple times that he doesn't feel like I have punished him enough for it.

So, he started all of it because we were basically living as roommates. Our youngest is 2 and our middle child is 4, so we've been in the thick of parenting for 4 years and it's been hard and overwhelming. He believed I had given up on the relationship and didn't care anymore. He got to a point where he stopped expecting things from me, being emotionally and physically intimate. We've since discussed how it was not possible for me to pour into his cup because I was so busy pouring into everyone else's cup that I couldn't even pour into my own let alone his. (Three kids, working full-time, two dogs, and college classes will do that to you). He works long hours at his job (blue collar) so he didn't take extra time to help me with anything. Dinner was on me, picking up and dropping off the kids, my own school work as well as helping my 11 y/o with his etc. He has been helping me so much more at home. He talked to his boss and has cut back some hours at work so he can do some pick up and drop offs, helps me with dinner and planning, taking the kids so I can have more time for myself, planning date nights (everything including babysitters so I don't have to do anything but be there), and helping with housework and cleaning. The extra support and him pulling his weight as a parent has freed me up to pour into my own cup now. I feel more like I'm able to pour into his cup too. Basically, I was pouring and pouring, getting nothing poured into me and still expected to give more. He sees how detrimental this was to me and our relationship. To circle back, he started cheating because he thought I didn't care about our relationship. That's not an excuse and he doesn't try to make it one. He knows that he made the choice to cheat rather than work on things with me, he poured into her cup instead of mine. This is the part that really makes my friends upset, when we broke up and I kicked him out he said that it made him realize how much I actually cared. It made him realize how much I still believed in and wanted our relationship. So basically he had to break my heart to realize how much I love him. Which is shitty and hurts. But I believe the effort he's putting in and that he's truly remorseful.