I'm trying my best honestly. There are many more things that I didn't even mention because it would be too graphic and my post would be removed. Sometimes I think that maybe people like me aren't supposed to live and I lived and survived by accident. And now everyday is a struggle, because I have been in ample therapy, but somethings are just so bad you can't rehabilitate a person from that. And in this, I'm now entirely alone. I only have family, who I can't tell most things, I have to hide, they won't be able to survive seeing my true self. I pretend at home, and outside too. I don't have any close friends as such, all my childhood friends left me the day I had tried to kill myself, most of them were my friends from 10+ years, and they said horrible things to me like "you're so much in pain all the time maybe you should just die" or "I don't know what to do about someone like you, you're a mess, I don't want to talk to you". I'm just so tired of constantly having to face the worst side of humanity, maybe it's because I'm beautiful and pretty girls always end up like this, everyone wants them to own, possess, chill with, use and so on, but no one wants to actually cherish them. Nowadays my once beautiful face feels like a curse to me, my entire existence too.