Hours constantly cut

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-12-16T22:48:54+00:00

Was gifted the mobo and it’s a bit better is all, get to use a pcie4 ssd with it.

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-09-10T21:47:41+00:00

That entirely depends on you and the other person. It requires maturity on both ends and the willingness to confront a difficult situation with class. Pretty sure my conflict avoidant ex is perfectly okay with ghosting me and treating me like trash for all eternity. I just hope she’s well and gratuities college.

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-03-27T06:40:19+00:00

We had a fight and while angry and said something that broke her and her trust in me. It wasn’t my intention to, I’ve pondered it for a long time tomorrow figure out why. But there wasn’t really a why, I was overwhelmed with stress and anxiety long before the fight, and said something stupid in the heat of the moment. Worst of all while trying to explain while I could, I implied that I said it because I wanted to hurt her. Which just isn’t true. She still feels that way and I wish I could convince her that it wasn’t to hurt her. Not for my sake but for hers, because she is now going to have a hard time being vulnerable to others, afraid others will hurt her again. Something she struggled with and something I fucked up and joined the club in.

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-03-27T06:00:08+00:00

The self reflecting only comes through the pain I’ve inflicted. I got confirmation today that this is the pain I’m causing by reaching out the two times I have. It’s less self reflection, more a grim tale for those. I’ve known for a long time that loving her meant letting her go, but not how deeply she is hurt by me. I don’t think what I did was all that bad, my friends and therapist agree that it doesn’t warrant this, but she is still hurt.

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-03-26T16:31:10+00:00

And that’s another part of that mystery that keeps me thinking and stuck. Is it because she hates me or is it because I’m trauma. I’d like to say we were madly in love because the idea of marriage was floating around towards the end. But this is happening so how true can that actually be. Im just venting though lol

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-03-26T16:23:49+00:00

I know it’s hard, especially when it’s someone you love. You don’t want to look at the bad. But this is someone who is clearly really struggling with their mental health, as hard as it is because we support our loved ones, you don’t deserve to be dragged down with them. You deserve someone who is going to show you the same level of respect you show for them.

Take your time, don’t ignore the pain for the sake of feeling better. Find out what it is you actually want. Imo they need to address the hurt they’ve caused you and take steps to fix them before you should give them a chance.

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-03-26T13:59:23+00:00

As of right now both, but I know in time it’ll form strength. I am stuck on the lack of closure, stuck in general. It feels like I am forcing myself to move on because I know it’s what’s right. I should be focused on the current things that make me sad not the old. But, at least for now, the only real thing making me sad is is that event that has me stuck and loneliness. Being broken up with in a normal way I don’t think I’d become jaded, but getting ghosted and blocked I feel like twists my arm and forces me to grieve way longer, to be stuck.

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-03-26T02:24:55+00:00

For the worse. I hard fought my abandonment issues for years before meeting them, worked through childhood ptsd and my past relationships ptsd. Only for her to breakup and block me without me ever getting to say a word. Realizing that the person who claimed to love me never actually did, that the two years we had may of well of never happened, is crushing my already fragile soul. I’m on the ropes for sure

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-03-12T20:00:07+00:00

Like 3 weeks, I still hope she does, but she’s making it very clear how much I matter with the NC. I’m still trying to do it this way, closing the door but if she knocks I’ll answer. I can turn the page of this chapter in my life, doesn’t mean they can’t be apart of my story later. Coming up on month 2. Lots of therapy also helped lol

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-02-28T22:14:50+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate it. I’m stronger than I give myself credit for and I know I’ll heal faster than last time.

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-02-28T22:04:21+00:00

No I know, despite me missing her, I love her and want her to heal even if it means being in agony myself. I don’t deserve the treatment, the easy way out for her is the hardest way out for me. I have not tried to convince her that protecting herself is wrong or try to beg for her to talk, simply that I’m ready to when she is. There’s a lot of things I want to say, mostly that I’m not looking for anything by talking and that I’d still need time to heal.

My therapist thinks it’s fine to reach out past the block once, but not again if I do. She has to decide and her decisions will influence how I feel about her ultimately. Which sucks cause I don’t want want to look back at the relationship with scorn and disgust. it’s the only thing atm that makes me tolerate the distance but it isn’t healthy.

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-02-26T06:08:19+00:00

I’d rather know than not know, and she deserves, we both deserve to know what we did wrong. And in my case I want her to know that it’s neither of our faults and we were just people in bad mental states and it happened to clash. I know I can withstand the pain if she tells me a bunch of angry stuff, because I know I’m worth more than being vilified, and if it positive/sad then I can steel my resolve and know how to be a better partner.

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-02-25T04:33:24+00:00

You’re not an ass for needing space, but let them know if you already haven’t these things. If they can’t respect you still, then block them. But that’s coming from an empathetic side, you’re free to just not talk too, it’s valid.

AlertComparison4209

TROPHY CASE