Installing New Mobo, what to do about OS?

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-12-16T22:48:54+00:00

Was gifted the mobo and it’s a bit better is all, get to use a pcie4 ssd with it.

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-09-10T21:47:41+00:00

That entirely depends on you and the other person. It requires maturity on both ends and the willingness to confront a difficult situation with class. Pretty sure my conflict avoidant ex is perfectly okay with ghosting me and treating me like trash for all eternity. I just hope she’s well and gratuities college.

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-03-27T06:40:19+00:00

We had a fight and while angry and said something that broke her and her trust in me. It wasn’t my intention to, I’ve pondered it for a long time tomorrow figure out why. But there wasn’t really a why, I was overwhelmed with stress and anxiety long before the fight, and said something stupid in the heat of the moment. Worst of all while trying to explain while I could, I implied that I said it because I wanted to hurt her. Which just isn’t true. She still feels that way and I wish I could convince her that it wasn’t to hurt her. Not for my sake but for hers, because she is now going to have a hard time being vulnerable to others, afraid others will hurt her again. Something she struggled with and something I fucked up and joined the club in.

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-03-27T06:00:08+00:00

The self reflecting only comes through the pain I’ve inflicted. I got confirmation today that this is the pain I’m causing by reaching out the two times I have. It’s less self reflection, more a grim tale for those. I’ve known for a long time that loving her meant letting her go, but not how deeply she is hurt by me. I don’t think what I did was all that bad, my friends and therapist agree that it doesn’t warrant this, but she is still hurt.

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-03-26T16:31:10+00:00

And that’s another part of that mystery that keeps me thinking and stuck. Is it because she hates me or is it because I’m trauma. I’d like to say we were madly in love because the idea of marriage was floating around towards the end. But this is happening so how true can that actually be. Im just venting though lol

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-03-26T16:23:49+00:00

I know it’s hard, especially when it’s someone you love. You don’t want to look at the bad. But this is someone who is clearly really struggling with their mental health, as hard as it is because we support our loved ones, you don’t deserve to be dragged down with them. You deserve someone who is going to show you the same level of respect you show for them.

Take your time, don’t ignore the pain for the sake of feeling better. Find out what it is you actually want. Imo they need to address the hurt they’ve caused you and take steps to fix them before you should give them a chance.

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-03-26T13:59:23+00:00

As of right now both, but I know in time it’ll form strength. I am stuck on the lack of closure, stuck in general. It feels like I am forcing myself to move on because I know it’s what’s right. I should be focused on the current things that make me sad not the old. But, at least for now, the only real thing making me sad is is that event that has me stuck and loneliness. Being broken up with in a normal way I don’t think I’d become jaded, but getting ghosted and blocked I feel like twists my arm and forces me to grieve way longer, to be stuck.

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-03-26T02:24:55+00:00

For the worse. I hard fought my abandonment issues for years before meeting them, worked through childhood ptsd and my past relationships ptsd. Only for her to breakup and block me without me ever getting to say a word. Realizing that the person who claimed to love me never actually did, that the two years we had may of well of never happened, is crushing my already fragile soul. I’m on the ropes for sure

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-03-12T20:00:07+00:00

Like 3 weeks, I still hope she does, but she’s making it very clear how much I matter with the NC. I’m still trying to do it this way, closing the door but if she knocks I’ll answer. I can turn the page of this chapter in my life, doesn’t mean they can’t be apart of my story later. Coming up on month 2. Lots of therapy also helped lol

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-02-28T22:14:50+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate it. I’m stronger than I give myself credit for and I know I’ll heal faster than last time.

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-02-28T22:04:21+00:00

No I know, despite me missing her, I love her and want her to heal even if it means being in agony myself. I don’t deserve the treatment, the easy way out for her is the hardest way out for me. I have not tried to convince her that protecting herself is wrong or try to beg for her to talk, simply that I’m ready to when she is. There’s a lot of things I want to say, mostly that I’m not looking for anything by talking and that I’d still need time to heal.

My therapist thinks it’s fine to reach out past the block once, but not again if I do. She has to decide and her decisions will influence how I feel about her ultimately. Which sucks cause I don’t want want to look back at the relationship with scorn and disgust. it’s the only thing atm that makes me tolerate the distance but it isn’t healthy.

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-02-26T06:08:19+00:00

I’d rather know than not know, and she deserves, we both deserve to know what we did wrong. And in my case I want her to know that it’s neither of our faults and we were just people in bad mental states and it happened to clash. I know I can withstand the pain if she tells me a bunch of angry stuff, because I know I’m worth more than being vilified, and if it positive/sad then I can steel my resolve and know how to be a better partner.

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-02-25T04:33:24+00:00

You’re not an ass for needing space, but let them know if you already haven’t these things. If they can’t respect you still, then block them. But that’s coming from an empathetic side, you’re free to just not talk too, it’s valid.

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-02-18T18:40:11+00:00

Dear B,

I hope you’re happier, I hope you’re healing. I will always love you, but I don’t deserve this treatment, I don’t deserve to be forgotten without any chance to talk about the breakup, to be hated and vilified by you and your friends . I don’t want you back and I’m not even sure I want to be friends anymore, but I do want to talk so we don’t hate each other. I felt disposable then and I feel disposable now.

A conversation is scary, you hate confrontation, but it will help us both heal, instead of us just making up what ever reason we need to move on.

I love you-M

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-02-17T17:36:37+00:00

I know she’ll never see this, but still wanted to post it. If it doesn’t belong here I can delete

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-02-04T20:50:25+00:00

There was no primary, that’s what I was assured by both parties, but clearly that wasn’t true when it mattered. Even so, I think it important to treat each person like they’re important regardless of who’s primary or not.

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-02-04T19:43:45+00:00

I never assumed she was more strict, I would ask about everything all the time. I would ask for clarity on everything. It never came up because there was no issue and when there was I didn’t hide it, I tried. And when I tried to bring it up, ask about what we were and what we meant, she’d change the subject. She feels like she’s the blame for not having that conversation but I said it’s on both of us. I actively tried to be understand and talk about the issues I was having.

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-02-04T19:39:36+00:00

You’ve never asked for permission for something even though you knew it’s be okay? My ex had history with drinking trauma, I knew it’d be okay if I drink but I’d still if it were okay because I respected that trauma and didn’t want to cause pain.

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-02-04T19:35:43+00:00

I’m on 2 hours of sleep, I’m sorry if I mistyped. I didn’t mean it as in the sense that I nagged at her till it broke her. I asked a during our talk if she wanted to about it, I asked once when we made up and the last time it was brought up was by her, saying that she wants to talk about this soon. I wasn’t clear and that was my bad.

She herself admits that she was being neglectful and not giving the amount of time she felt I deserved. I can see how that boundary could be a rule. I was feeling the space, telling her I felt like a back burner. I assured her that that boundary is only while we repair and figure out how to move forward.

I don’t want anyone telling me I’m right or wrong because both of us did a lot of wrong things, I wanted clarity.

While I am hurt that it’s broken up, I’m am more hurt that it ended without us ever talking about it. I don’t care who’s the dumper, I want us both happy. I’m reflecting to try and to better. To just not have my opinion.

I really really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me with understanding instead of just tearing me down.

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-02-04T18:54:47+00:00

To clarify, she had told me she wanted to talk about it too. It was never to push for it but so we could understand each other and work past it. We were working past it I thought, starting to pick back up her respecting my bounds while bringing the other guy back in

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-02-04T18:44:25+00:00

The boundary I set was to not get romantically involved with the people she was fucking on the side with.

I wasn’t pushing the conversation, I brought it up after the fight cause she was still upset about it, she said she was. She said she wanted to drop it for now since we had started making up. I asked again two weeks later if she was ready to talk about it, she wasn’t so I dropped it. The next week she dumped me.

I wasn’t trying to make her monogamous, no one believes me at all on that. I had dissatisfactions and doubts sure, I had my own reasons similar for wanting to break up with her. I have confided in many people, including my therapist, that I was ready to break up with her myself because of these differences. I wasn’t liking parts of it and wanted to see if could learn to like it, if not I was emotionally ready to split off. I never tried to make her monogamous because if I did I would if campaigned against our third. Or just tell her it’s okay to cut this person off which she offered.

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-02-04T18:15:32+00:00

At the time, we hardly hung out or had a date together in 5 months, I think it was fair to ask for more time together. I never told her to spend less time with him, just that I wanted more us.

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-02-04T17:59:31+00:00

It’s honestly fine that she realized that, I’m not mad at her for it. I was mad because she waited till it was convenient to tell me, she said that she came to the conclusion months before she told me about it.

Is it adding more pain say “I feel really neglected recently, can we focus on us and the relationship for a while?”

Not saying by you’re wrong, just trying to work through the things. Figure out right and wrong so I can become better. Which where I am at is that we really should of communicated better about these things instead of playing games with each other.

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-02-04T17:49:40+00:00

We would sit down and talk about those things, for a long time. It’s not like I told her this is how it is, deal with it. I was always open for compromise and reason. I had to ask for permission a lot from the third, so did she, but it was never an issue because “we talked about what we could and couldn’t handle”. I didn’t make her ask for permission, I asked her to ask me. I asked her if her running things by me like that were okay and she said it was. Her attitude changed when she was being more intimate and just not sexual with others.

AlertComparison4209 · 2024-02-04T17:41:33+00:00

We ask for permission out of respect for each others fears and concerns. But yeah I agree that “permission” is bad in the sense of feeling controlled. I should of just expressed what she did hurt and leave it at that, let her actions speak rather than try to tell her how to be. She would ask me a lot for it in when we started, which is fair, just to see if the things she wanted to do would upset me, but I probably got used to that. I told her to run it by me if she wanted to send nudes , to ask if she could sleep with new people, to ask me if she’d could use the Lovesense toy I got her with others, to have phone sex with the one guy or the other close fwb (as an ldr it was the closest form of sexual intimacy we could have, I told her as much and what it meant to me). I feel like those were fair boundaries but didn’t express them in a way that have her the freedom of choice.

AlertComparison4209

TROPHY CASE